Phantom888 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My lady mentioned that she had a relationship with a man soon after her divorce, and it lasted for 7 months. It ended when she found out he was dishonest with her about wanting a future with her. Because their children still know each other, they occasionally visit each other for kids' play dates. She says over the years, he has been a good friend. She also said that if I have a problem with that friendship, she would consider ending it for my sake. I told her I would not put her in a tough situation, though I am not 100% comfortable about it either. At this point, I'll just let it be...I mean, this guy is a fool not to want a future with such an amazing woman. I feel sorry for his ass. Now I think about my situation. A year ago, I had a lesbian friend who I used to go to theater with. She's mature, fun, and pretty. One night we decided to have dinner as friends, and for some reason she told me she was attracted to me. We ended up having sex that night, and several times after that. We dated for 2 months but we never became a BF/GF couple. She decided that she really didn't have time for a relationship, as she works 16 hours a day in TV production. We remained good friends, and last weekend we went to see a show together. My lady asked about her, and I told her she's just a good friend. I was afraid to mention that we dated before. Now I wish I had been honest about it. There is no reason to lie, but my instinct told me to give the least troublesome answer. Damn...I never want to lie to my lady. For some reason, I think there is a double standard. I feel it's okay for me to have this friend, yet I don't feel comfortable about my lady having an ex as a friend. Maybe it's because I'm a dude and I'm possessive? I don't know.
clia Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I think you were afraid to tell her because you know that she, like you, has major problems with jealousy. Did you actually lie to her, or did you just omit telling her that you had slept with this woman? 1
pteromom Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 For some reason, I think there is a double standard. I feel it's okay for me to have this friend, yet I don't feel comfortable about my lady having an ex as a friend. Maybe it's because I'm a dude and I'm possessive? I don't know. It is OK for both of you to have your friends. You do need to be honest with your gf and tell her that you slept with your friend a few times in the past though. Otherwise you'll just worry when and how it will come out. 2
Author Phantom888 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I hang out with my friend way more than she visits hers. I fear that if she found out there was a brief romance, she would feel insecure. I mean, she is not the jealous type, but I can see her comparing herself with my exes. I just didn't want to cause any trouble. Plus, I really enjoy going to theaters with my friend. The last time we saw each other, last weekend, I told her about my new love. She was happy for me.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Just tell her the truth. The sooner the better. It won't be good if she finds out from someone else or on down the line. 1
pteromom Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I hang out with my friend way more than she visits hers. I fear that if she found out there was a brief romance, she would feel insecure. I mean, she is not the jealous type, but I can see her comparing herself with my exes. I just didn't want to cause any trouble. Plus, I really enjoy going to theaters with my friend. The last time we saw each other, last weekend, I told her about my new love. She was happy for me. The key to disrupting her jealousy about this friend is to bring your gf in on your friendship. Let her see that there is nothing romantic there. Let her see what you see in your friend. And let them build up their own friendship. But you still need to tell your gf. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want to know? 2
Author Phantom888 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 The key to disrupting her jealousy about this friend is to bring your gf in on your friendship. Let her see that there is nothing romantic there. Let her see what you see in your friend. And let them build up their own friendship. But you still need to tell your gf. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you want to know? I don't know if I want to know if roles were reversed. Ignorance is bliss. I mean, I am sure my lady and my friend would get along great. They are both awesome women. It would suck if my friend went back to being a lesbian and somehow turned my lady into one also. That would be too much drama for me.
sweetkiwi Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I have a friend like yours. But I am always upfront about our past. Nothing romantic but we are best friends and he's not going anywhere. If it were to upset a potential partner I wouldn't see him alone and would make it a point to have my man get to know him (if he wanted).
anne1707 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It would suck if my friend went back to being a lesbian and somehow turned my lady into one also. That would be too much drama for me. It doesn't quite work like that. Be honest with your lady - the lies will do so much harm (and yes, omissions of truth are lies)
pteromom Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I am sure my lady and my friend would get along great. They are both awesome women. It would suck if my friend went back to being a lesbian and somehow turned my lady into one also. That would be too much drama for me. Oh please! You are worrying about silliness now. If she had a gay friend, would he be able to turn you gay? If your wife "turned into a lesbian", it would mean she already is one and is just hiding it. In which case, better to know sooner than later. Sounds to me like you need to get them together and let them be friends! You worry too much.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 My lady mentioned that she had a relationship with a man soon after her divorce, and it lasted for 7 months. It ended when she found out he was dishonest with her about wanting a future with her. Because their children still know each other, they occasionally visit each other for kids' play dates. She says over the years, he has been a good friend. She also said that if I have a problem with that friendship, she would consider ending it for my sake. I told her I would not put her in a tough situation, though I am not 100% comfortable about it either. At this point, I'll just let it be...I mean, this guy is a fool not to want a future with such an amazing woman. I feel sorry for his ass. Now I think about my situation. A year ago, I had a lesbian friend who I used to go to theater with. She's mature, fun, and pretty. One night we decided to have dinner as friends, and for some reason she told me she was attracted to me. We ended up having sex that night, and several times after that. We dated for 2 months but we never became a BF/GF couple. She decided that she really didn't have time for a relationship, as she works 16 hours a day in TV production. We remained good friends, and last weekend we went to see a show together. My lady asked about her, and I told her she's just a good friend. I was afraid to mention that we dated before. Now I wish I had been honest about it. There is no reason to lie, but my instinct told me to give the least troublesome answer. Damn...I never want to lie to my lady. For some reason, I think there is a double standard. I feel it's okay for me to have this friend, yet I don't feel comfortable about my lady having an ex as a friend. Maybe it's because I'm a dude and I'm possessive? I don't know. First...what? How was your friend a lesbian one minute, only for you to end up dating for two months, in which sex was had? Or is it that she realized her sexual orientation after the fact? Either way, that part is somewhat confusing. For two: If you really feel so guilty about lying, come clean to her. Like you said, there is no reason for you to hide the truth; this is what occurred before your girlfriend, after all. She told you the truth about this male friend, and I really don't think you have anything to worry about. But yes, you are being a bit of a hypocrite. It's okay for you to have your female friend whom you had history with, but not for your girlfriend to have the same? Sit down and discuss your feelings with your girlfriend. Be open and honest, even about the irrational emotions you're experiencing, and allow her to voice her own. Above all, be honest about your friend; she was honest with you, and you should do the same. If she were to ever find out the truth, she'd wonder why you hid the truth, and might come to the conclusion there's more to it than there actually is. 1
FitChick Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Why not double date with her ex and your ex? Maybe they'd hit it off and your problem would be solved. At the very least you should each arrange a casual meeting with each others exes so you can watch the interaction, see if there is still a spark, send a clear message you two are together, etc. It can't hurt.
shexy Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Yeah, if she's not allowed to have a male friend, you're not allowed to have a female friend. And btw, being possessive isn't really all that great of a trait to have, you might want to consider lightening up on that. It might seem cute to her now, but wait until you're trying to control her every move. Not so fun anymore.
fishtaco Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I firmly believe in whatever floats your boat. Even though personally I'm against jealousy, but I do recognize that some people consider jealousy as a sign of love. So for the people that think that way, go ahead, be jealous and make your partner feel loved. However, I don't believe in being a hypocrite. Like shexy said, if she can't keep in touch with someone from her past, then you can't either, period.
Carenth Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Guess the infatuation stage is coming to an end and some of the real colors are coming out. Why am I not surprised. Yes it's a double standard if she is not allowed to have male friends. Then you are not allowed to have female friends. Also I'm confused about your friend how can she be a lesbian if she is attracted to you, or did she realise that she wasn't actually a lesbian or is actually bi? Either way that doesn't really matter. Jealously and possessiveness for most people are a huge turn off. I would try to work on that if possible but I know for some people that is very hard to do.
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 She would make her children lose their friends for you because seeing their friends father at playdates makes you uncomfortable, but in turn you're lying to her about your history with your "friend" because you wouldn't be happy if the tables were turned. Yeah, great relationship you have there. It's more than a double standard; it's pure hypocrisy veiled as "possessiveness." 1
Ripnet Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 OP you should tell her the truth. I don't know about her but i don't like lies. I rather face the truth than lies an day.
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