Fineshrine Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 So I've been dating this girl for a little bit over a month. We get on fantastically so far and everything's going pretty ok. We always have a great time, cuddly, text a lot... Early days but good. However, for many years now I've had on and off poor health after being diagnosed with a condition that I'm going to have for life albeit not life threatening. I'm currently coming out of a period of remission and I'm going to be in and out of hospital a bit more. I've also had generalised anxiety and depression for ten years or so although I'm very good at hiding it, I don't ever talk about it and I think it's difficult to detect (I told one ex about it and she genuinely had no idea and was honestly quite supportive) but I'm worried it might come out at some point. I'd also like to point out at this point that I try my best not to let any of these issues affect my daily life and I go out and have fun as much as I can but sometimes it gets the better of me. I'm not complaining about my lot as I know there are people much worse off! So, anyway, what I would like is people's opinions on whether it is a good idea to 'come clean' early on about all of my health issues or leave it until it possibly becomes more obvious? Naturally I don't want to scare her away so early on but at the same time I want to be with someone who can accept me for who I am. Also I don't want to date her under any false pretences. Help please!
FitChick Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Don't say anything until you get sick. See how she treats you. Then you could say you've had this condition on and off. I wouldn't act like it was a big deal. If you had a terminal illness, that would be entirely different.
iamawesome Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) Hey friend! We are in a similar position. My suggestion is to keep it to yourself. This is something you need to manage on your own, as you have been. You may decide to tell her later on IF and WHEN it effects her, even then I wouldn't be specific about it and would give a very high-level explanation (like you are going through a hard time, etc). The reasoning behind this is by telling her, you may end up using her for emotional support, which is what ended up happening to me. This will not only scare her and make her feel guilty, but she may also start second guessing your actions (is it him, or is he just having a down day). The worse part is if she leaves, you will be in worse shape then when you started because your support is gone. Visit the issue again if you two become very serious, otherwise spare her. Build up a good history first, so that if and when you do tell her she won't be nearly as worried and confident it can be managed. Exceptions: Terminal illness, anything contagious Edited June 29, 2013 by iamawesome
Author Fineshrine Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Thanks for the advice guys - really appreciate it. I'm inclined to agree with you. Hold off for a while and see how it goes:)
justwhoiam Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I've had on and off poor health after being diagnosed with a condition that I'm going to have for life albeit not life threatening. What condition? So, anyway, what I would like is people's opinions on whether it is a good idea to 'come clean' early on about all of my health issues or leave it until it possibly becomes more obvious? Come clean. Naturally I don't want to scare her away so early on but at the same time I want to be with someone who can accept me for who I am. Also I don't want to date her under any false pretences. You said it.
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