Left abusive boyfriend 2 weeks ago

[andilyn1]

Hey everyone, I'm new here and came across these boards as I was desperately trying to deal with my breakup. Little background info, my ex and I were together around 6 months, and we ended up living together. I loved him dearly. When times were good, I felt amazing. But as time went on we started to fight more, and he became very moody some days. It got to the point where I would go to bed upset and then worry the next day what kind of a mood he would be in. Anyway, two weeks ago exactly, he started a fight with me, and he hit me and scratched me and pushed me around. I called the police, my parents came and got my children out of that scene. The police made him leave for the night, in my opinion he should have been arrested. Anyway, I took that weekend to pack and move out. I have since gotten a ppo on him and he is facing charges from the city attorney. I'm bouncing around staying with family until I can get back on my feet. So not only do I have to deal with a breakup,I'm also dealing with the trauma of being abused. I've never cried so much in my life as I have these past two weeks. I'm working on getting myself and my kids into counseling for this. I feel so sad and depressed everyday. My eating has slowed way down, due to lack of appetite. I barely sleep because I seem to either have nightmares or I dream I am back together with my ex. I just want all this pain to end. I've been through breakups before, and a divorce, yet nothing seems to be as painful as this. Please tell me the pain will get better. I hate how all I can do is think of all the good times. It hurts. It hurts to still love him. I guess I'm just looking for support. It's nice to know I'm not the only one suffering a broken heart and the trauma of being abused. Thanks in advance for any support!

[pteromom]

It will get better.

 

And good for you for being strong enough to walk away and get your kids out of that situation.

 

Force yourself not to think of the good times. You have to remember that the "good" him isn't the "real" him. The "bad" him is part of him too. And no good is worth that kind of bad.

[andilyn1]

Thank you. It took all I had to get out of there. But I knew I could never be with him again. I would always live in fear. Plus he has a lot of anger issues that scare me too, hence the ppo. And you're right, the good him wasn't all of him, the bad is too. And the good definitely did not outweigh the bad. I guess just one day at a time. I'd give anything to not have to deal with this pain anymore though.

[JustAReformedGirl]

It will get better. Be patient with yourself; this all happened only two short weeks ago. It's going to take some time to adjust to the way things are, now.

 

You did the right thing, for both yourself and your children. If you had stayed with him, he could have eventually taken it out on the kids. Not necessarily, but after hitting you? A risk you wouldn't want to take.

 

Let yourself feel the emotions as they come; it's healthy to let the grieving process occur. Bottling it up will only make it take longer, and make it hurt more. You have a support network of friends and family, along with seeking therapy. Over time, you will heal. It may never be forgiven or forgotten, but it will stop hurting.

 

Kudos to you though, really; as soon as it happened, you set to work on doing what needed to be done, whereas some people get stuck in toxic relationships for a long time.

[andilyn1]

Thanks Rebel-Dynasty. Your words meant a lot to me. And love does not exist, yes I feel bad for my children too. But you know what, I didn't ask to be cheated on, which led to my divorce. That also happened many years ago, and I also didn't ask to be beaten. I've had two bad experiences, and I do everything I can to protect my children, as evidenced by the fact that I left right away after the first incident of abuse. But unfortunately my alcoholic ex didn't care that my kids were there when it happened. I already am carrying enough guilt about them witnessing that without the tisk tisk. With all due respect, I'm going through a very emotional and trying time and really don't need any judgement. And he was not a stranger to them.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Thanks Rebel-Dynasty. Your words meant a lot to me. And love does not exist, yes I feel bad for my children too. But you know what, I didn't ask to be cheated on, which led to my divorce. That also happened many years ago, and I also didn't ask to be beaten. I've had two bad experiences, and I do everything I can to protect my children, as evidenced by the fact that I left right away after the first incident of abuse. But unfortunately my alcoholic ex didn't care that my kids were there when it happened. I already am carrying enough guilt about them witnessing that without the tisk tisk. With all due respect, I'm going through a very emotional and trying time and really don't need any judgement. And he was not a stranger to them.

 

If I had to guess, Love Does Not Exist was trolling your thread with his/her comment, there.

 

You really did the right thing, and it's good that you know you're not to blame for the series of events that unfolded. Stay strong, and focus on making your kids and yourself happy.

 

How are they adjusting, after all that's occurred?

[aloneinaz]

Kudos for leaving. It was the right thing to do as everyone else has mentioned. It's a shame you've run into two knuckleheads. You're due now to meet Mr. Wonderful!

 

You should feel lucky in that you were not stuck with that jerk for years and he showed his true colors early in the relationship. I know it hurts, but, I'm sure you're in shock, maybe in PTSD. That's a big life change plus dealing with the emotions of him being abusive.

 

Time will heal your wounds. Therapy will also help you cope with this and put it in your rear view mirror.

 

Keep posting here. Lots of nice folks.

Edited June 29, 2013 by aloneinaz

[andilyn1]

Aloneinaz thank you so much for the kind words and support. All the support is greatly appreciated. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. But I am pretty proud of myself for getting the heck out of there so fast. I didn't care that it was the first time he hit me, if you can do it once, you'll do it again. Didn't want to live my life in fear. And Rebel-Dynasty, my kids are doing fairly well. My daughter is almost 10, and she has opened up about it a little and told me she thought my ex was going to kill me, which broke my heart. But I've explained to her that what he did was not acceptable at all, and that's why we left and will never go back. And my son is a little young to fully understand what happened, but overall I can tell that they both are relieved that we are out of there. I plan to get my daughter into therapy since I think it will be good for her to talk it out with a professional. I'll see about my son, he seems ok with everything but I wouldn't hesitate getting him some counseling too if necessary. Thanks again though for the encouragement you guys. It does mean a lot.