dushi Posted October 17, 2004 Posted October 17, 2004 I officially started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago. I met him ~6 months ago and we immediately hit it off. It was pretty much perfect. We talked for hours and when we got together we wanted to spend every second of our day together and the sexual intimacy was just right. I hate LDR, but because it was all going so well I didn't even think about it twice before deciding to seriously date him. Then about a week and a half ago we started having problems. We went from talking daily to not talking for days. He came to visit me 5days ago and we spent the first few days just having stupid arguments. I knew something was up, but he kept saying it was nothing and that he was dealing with some stuff. Two nights ago he finally told me that he had been struggling with deciding whether he wanted to be with me or get back together with his ex. They had dated for 2 1/2 years and she apparently asked him to get back together. He seemed really consumed by it and told me that while he kept thinking about the memories thay had, he decided he loved her but not as more than a friend and that he wanted to be with me and try this new relationship, because he really likes me. Needless to say I was kind of stressed out about it mainly because before he had told me everything (she had tried talking to him before) and this time he kept it from me. I trust him completely and think we can make it thru this and after we talked about this we haven't argued and we're pretty much back to being ourselves...the only problem is that there is no sexual intimacy... We have a wondeful time together, but we've gone from being sexually intimate to being one of those couples that wakes up, hangs out, goes to sleep...no sexual intimacy. I don't know how to deal with it. We only see each other once or twice a month so to me sexual intimacy is really important. I've tried to ask him about it, because it makes me feel unattractive and as if although he says he wants to be with me, he really doesn't. He says he's crazy about me and that he is attracted to me and doesn't see why it is such a big deal and says that he just gets these periods (it's lasted as long as 6 months!!) where he doesn't feel the need. I know 'inhibited sexual desire' is a common disorder, but since our relationship is so young and since we just went thru this rough spot I can't help but thinking that it is something else...i know i can just walk away from this, but i usually hate commitment and the fact that i'm sticking around tells me i really care for him...i just need sexual intimacy. how can i talk to him, what should i do, how do i survive in a relationship where i feel unattractive? any advice would be helpful now
oldandie1950 Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by *dushi* I officially started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago. I met him ~6 months ago and we immediately hit it off. It was pretty much perfect. We talked for hours and when we got together we wanted to spend every second of our day together and the sexual intimacy was just right. I hate LDR, but because it was all going so well I didn't even think about it twice before deciding to seriously date him. Then about a week and a half ago we started having problems. We went from talking daily to not talking for days. He came to visit me 5days ago and we spent the first few days just having stupid arguments. I knew something was up, but he kept saying it was nothing and that he was dealing with some stuff. Two nights ago he finally told me that he had been struggling with deciding whether he wanted to be with me or get back together with his ex. They had dated for 2 1/2 years and she apparently asked him to get back together. He seemed really consumed by it and told me that while he kept thinking about the memories thay had, he decided he loved her but not as more than a friend and that he wanted to be with me and try this new relationship, because he really likes me. Needless to say I was kind of stressed out about it mainly because before he had told me everything (she had tried talking to him before) and this time he kept it from me. I trust him completely and think we can make it thru this and after we talked about this we haven't argued and we're pretty much back to being ourselves...the only problem is that there is no sexual intimacy... We have a wondeful time together, but we've gone from being sexually intimate to being one of those couples that wakes up, hangs out, goes to sleep...no sexual intimacy. I don't know how to deal with it. We only see each other once or twice a month so to me sexual intimacy is really important. I've tried to ask him about it, because it makes me feel unattractive and as if although he says he wants to be with me, he really doesn't. He says he's crazy about me and that he is attracted to me and doesn't see why it is such a big deal and says that he just gets these periods (it's lasted as long as 6 months!!) where he doesn't feel the need. I know 'inhibited sexual desire' is a common disorder, but since our relationship is so young and since we just went thru this rough spot I can't help but thinking that it is something else...i know i can just walk away from this, but i usually hate commitment and the fact that i'm sticking around tells me i really care for him...i just need sexual intimacy. how can i talk to him, what should i do, how do i survive in a relationship where i feel unattractive? any advice would be helpful now Dushi, we can have all kinds of relationships with different worths to us. the one thing that strikes me is your need for intimacy with your friend. Be honest with yourself and this person. Fulfill this need with some other person(s) If he gets angry you will know that he is not being honest with you. Are you afraid of this guy in some way. Is there another aspect of this setup you cannot mention in this open forum. If there is please find a way of unloading it. Share it, Do not internalize it, that will do you no good. Good Luck! with whatever "You" decide.
EC Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Ok I dont want to sound blunt and I if I sound a little mean I am sorry.... You are in an LDR with your bf...he tells you he's been thinking about breaking up with you to get back with his ex...and now he's with you once or twice a month and no SEX? Are you kidding me... He is getting it from somewhere else or he's gay. In an LDR the bf is supposed to come running full throttle to get some since he's supposedly not getting from somewhere else and because he hasn't seen you in a while....but with you he doesn't even want it and you ask him and still nothing thats a serious problem... Unless there are other issues that you haven't mentioned I think you seriously need to talk to him about this and get some answers. It's not fair to you.. Not saying that sex is everything but it is definitley important!
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