nj9x Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hello everyone, I'm quite new around here but desperate for some advice and comfort. I am 21 years old, and I had met a girl in college. I met her through a friend ( she was the one that initiated the contact), we went out for a few times, and we were just having fun for around 5-6 months. She wanted something more serious, but because I had just broken up a relationship of over 4 years I just wasn't feeling ready for another commitment. As time passed I grew to like this girl and I started to want something more serious, but this time she turned me down, because I had refused to have a relationship with her before. We decided to take a break of 1-2 weeks to see if we really had feelings for each other. As soon as time passed we both agreed that we had feelings for each other and that we should start something more serious. She had also broken up with her boyfriend, like 5-6 months before meeting me. So we started a relationship and everything seemed fine. She kept telling me how much she loved me, how she had long-term plans with me, how perfect our relationship was, how we liked the same stuff. During our relationship she had told me a few times that her ex tried to contact her a few times, but it was nothing serious. Somewhere around the 2nd month of our relationship she became cold and distant, but blamed it on the exams at college. So I sat her down and we talked why and how she had grown distant, and she told me that I was the last person she'd hurt, It had nothing to do with our relationship. So the exams ended and everything seemed to be back to normal, she kept convincing me that It was the exams and everything would be back to normal. We lived like 30 minutes away, not from the same town, so i used to go there like 2-3 times a week. During the period she became distant she started to find all sorts of excuses for me not to go there, and she had started going out with with a friend, who was best friends with her ex, which i knew about. She had told me that her parents had a very bad opinion of her ex, and had lost all trust in her because of him, and how he hurt her a lot. Every night she used to go out with her friends she would call me, but the last two nights before we broke up were different. She wouldn't answer her phone and she would call me late in the night when she got home, so i suspected something was up. As soon as i mentioned the matter she told me how she stopped seeing me as a boyfriend, and started seeing me more as a friend. She told me she wanted to be alone and single, but didn't want to lose me from her life, because she wanted us to stay friends. She told me that I was talking too much of the future, I was too gentle, too kind, and I wasn't her type, even tho she had also said all those things to me, how she loved who I was just a few days ago. She kept calling me every day, and we decided that we would sit down and talk with cool heads. And then i noticed that her ex ( who she had blocked on facebook), was commenting on her photos, she was also returning the comments, and all of this was happening just after we broke up. And then It hit me, she probably left me for her ex, everything else was just a cover-up. I immediately blocked her on facebook, deleted all of her friends from my facebook and requested that I have my books returned, as soon as possible. I called her to settle things down, and hoping that this time she'd tell me the truth, but instead her reply was " I told you what i had to tell you, I have no time to deal with your nonsense". Then i told her i wanted nothing more to do with her in my life, and that i never wanted to see her, because what she did was too much. I sent a friend of mine to give her stuff which i had, even tho she insisted that I do it in person. She returned every single gift that I had given her, so I decided to send the gifts she had given me via mail too. I invested so much in the relationship and I got nothing back, or everything that i got in returned as negative. Yesterday was her birthday and I didn't even bother to congratulate her. I've been NC for like 2 weeks, but i get doubts here and then about whether we should have stayed friends, but then i think of how bad she treated me, and how she disrespected me by publicly contacting her ex on facebook ( which i think was done on purpose). I also think she cheated on me with him before breaking up. However before we ended off things the bad way she said that she wasn't sure about her decision, and it bugged me for a while, but i have decided to let it go.
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 dude! i wish everyone followed the rules as awesomely as you did. it sucks, it hurts, and it takes time, but you did this the right way, if there is a "right way". stick to your NC and keep away from her, don't let her string you along as second best.
lailax3 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Well done for implementing no contact. It will help you heal and proceed with your life. Do you really want somebody like that as a friend? Her initiating to remain friends could have been just to keep you hanging about, if things with her ex (if she is dating him) don't work out. Having doubts is just part of the process. I've been in no contact for about a month and time to time I have doubts too. It's all part of the process and aftermath of a breakup. Keep up no contact. It will get better.
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