love1336x Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I am stuck between letting my boyfriend pay for our dates, vs me paying for my own half of the date. He has this new job, and he is taking about 500 dollars every week, and this is after taxes. Before, in his old job he was making 150 a week, and we used to argue some what who would paid since i was making more money. I would sometimes, he would paid. He would get upset when he had to paid more often. But he has no bills to PAY at all... His mother literally pays up everything for him. While, my little 250 a week goes to my phone, car insurance, food.. (I live with my mother, but she doesn't work... and depends on me for a lot of bills) So, i still find myself hearing him complain how he shouldn't have to paid all the times for dates. That I should paid for him too.... Now I'll be damn if i am going to paid for his half... I don't mind for myself, but i believe it's wrong since he is making more money than me! So... in your opinion who should paid? Should it always be 50/50? Should the man always paid? Is whoever making the big bucks should paid being female or male? My friend broke up with her boyfriend because he wanting her to paid for dinner... This was just ONE time in the six months there was dating... It upset her so much the fact he wanting her to treat him. She said.. "Just the man role. He MUST ALWAYS PAY!" My aunt been married for about 18 years... She said she never paid once for her dinner while dating my uncle and being married.
CarrieT Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 But he has no bills to PAY at all... His mother literally pays up everything for him. While, my little 250 a week goes to my phone, car insurance, food.. Makes no difference what his bills and your bills are... So, i still find myself hearing him complain how he shouldn't have to paid all the times for dates. That I should paid for him too.... Yes, you should. So... in your opinion who should paid? Should it always be 50/50? You should always offer. If the man accepts, than that tells you the type of relationship you have. It is not black-and-white - for many men, they will always pay. For many, many years I always paid 50/50 or I footed the bill. My friend broke up with her boyfriend because he wanting her to paid for dinner... This was just ONE time in the six months there was dating... It upset her so much the fact he wanting her to treat him. She said.. "Just the man role. He MUST ALWAYS PAY!"[QUOTE] That is a little extreme, I think. She is not going to go far unless she sets herself up as a gold-digger. My aunt been married for about 18 years... She said she never paid once for her dinner while dating my uncle and being married. Than that is the type of relationship THEY have and are comfortable with. But it is also a relationship that was established over two decades ago, when these things were vastly different. You can't compare your dating experiences with hers -- that is like me comparing my dating experiences with someone born in the 1880s... 1
A O Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Feel free to set your own rules or guidelines in the dating world. If it works for you then all well and good, if it doesn't then you may need to tweak things a bit. There are a lot of men that will happily pay and a burgeoning group that aren't. Depending on how important this is to you you'll soon find what you're looking for or a slight rework of your requirements may be needed to move things along. 1
chamachama Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My friend broke up with her boyfriend because he wanting her to paid for dinner... This was just ONE time in the six months there was dating... It upset her so much the fact he wanting her to treat him. She said.. "Just the man role. He MUST ALWAYS PAY!" My aunt been married for about 18 years... She said she never paid once for her dinner while dating my uncle and being married. Your friend sounds like my exgf lol. She thought the same way only she took it even further. In her mind, even her guy "friends" should always pay for her as well. She thought she should only pay for herself when she was alone or with female friends. Personally, I enjoy paying the tab, but I appreciate the effort to be a part of the experience from a girl. I almost always wave her off, or at most I allow her to pay the tip or something. But that's only way down the line and only if she really and sincerely wants to put in to show she wants in on the experience of being together.... You seem, that is the point. For me, its not about the money. Its about the experience and someone telling me "hey, I want you to know that I enjoy your company as much as you enjoy mine.".... 2
MissBee Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Feel free to set your own rules or guidelines in the dating world. If it works for you then all well and good, if it doesn't then you may need to tweak things a bit. There are a lot of men that will happily pay and a burgeoning group that aren't. Depending on how important this is to you you'll soon find what you're looking for or a slight rework of your requirements may be needed to move things along. I see it this way too. You have to do what works for you as a couple. If I invite a man out, I offer to pay. Generally, the whole who pays/doesn't hasn't ever been an issue for me. Early in the dating game usually the man offers to pay and I don't fight it and I don't have a problem with it. I am probably more traditional in that regard. What I don't do is cheap...which is not about money but a whole mentality of stinginess, even rich guys can be cheap, and your boyfriend sounds cheap to me. When we're already in a relationship then things generally become more even and more of a partnership and it usually naturally flows where sometimes I pay, sometimes he does and for bigger purchases like trips etc, we discuss it and usually do it based on each of our financial situations and what we can afford. Frankly, I have no interest in a man with a mentality that although he makes more than me and has no expenses, he still wants me to pay for dates and worse wants me to pay for HIM! It just reeks of stinginess to me. Even among my friends, while generally we all pay our own way, it's no big deal for me to offer to pay sometimes for stuff, esp if I know I probably pull in more than said friend. So I can't really personally deal with a guy who makes it such a big deal.
Author love1336x Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I think the whole "men must alway pay" is outdated. And like most threads here, there is no one size fits all answer, each dating scenario will be different. But to automatically assign the man for footing the bill, is no different than him assuming you should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I am not pregnant with his kid, but i do enjoy cooking and cleaning after him when he does stay at my house. I don't itch at him and say "babe make your own dinner".
Author love1336x Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 That's awesome, but wasn't my point. But why does it gotta be old fasion trend to expect a man to pay when they have the funds to do so? I am sure if I didnt clean or cook for him he would totally flipped because its "what a woman suppose to do"
Author love1336x Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Makes no difference what his bills and your bills are... Yes, you should. You should always offer. If the man accepts, than that tells you the type of relationship you have. It is not black-and-white - for many men, they will always pay. For many, many years I always paid 50/50 or I footed the bill. My friend broke up with her boyfriend because he wanting her to paid for dinner... This was just ONE time in the six months there was dating... It upset her so much the fact he wanting her to treat him. She said.. "Just the man role. He MUST ALWAYS PAY!"[QUOTE] That is a little extreme, I think. She is not going to go far unless she sets herself up as a gold-digger. Than that is the type of relationship THEY have and are comfortable with. But it is also a relationship that was established over two decades ago, when these things were vastly different. You can't compare your dating experiences with hers -- that is like me comparing my dating experiences with someone born in the 1880s... Bills should make a difference because he is paying nobody anything. All his 500 dollars a week go straight to his bank. Its unfair for him to even think I should pay.
clia Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You have to do what works for your relationship, and what makes both people happy. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't want to pay all the time -- that doesn't make him happy. So, that won't work for your relationship. I am stuck between letting my boyfriend pay for our dates, vs me paying for my own half of the date. Why don't you just take turns paying? It'll all work out in the end. Why are the options only that he pays or you pay your half? So, i still find myself hearing him complain how he shouldn't have to paid all the times for dates. That I should paid for him too....Now I'll be damn if i am going to paid for his half... I don't mind for myself, but i believe it's wrong since he is making more money than me! I think you should pay for him sometimes. I think it comes off as really ungrateful to expect him to pay for you all the time and for you to never reciprocate. So... in your opinion who should paid? Should it always be 50/50? People have to do what they are both happy with doing. There is no hard and fast rule. My boyfriend and I typically take turns paying since we've been together for awhile, but in the early days he paid for everything. I think he probably ends up paying more money than I do, but I haven't stopped to do the math. What's important is that we are doing things we both want to do, and that we might not get to do otherwise if we weren't both chipping in. And we are both happy with the arrangement. Should the man always paid? I don't think so. Is whoever making the big bucks should paid being female or male? The person who wants to pay should pay. If neither party wants to pay, you should stay home. It has nothing to do with who makes more money. My friend broke up with her boyfriend because he wanting her to paid for dinner... This was just ONE time in the six months there was dating... It upset her so much the fact he wanting her to treat him. She said.. "Just the man role. He MUST ALWAYS PAY!" No offense, but your friend sounds crazy. My aunt been married for about 18 years... She said she never paid once for her dinner while dating my uncle and being married. Good for them...they aren't you.
Author love1336x Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 You have to do what works for your relationship, and what makes both people happy. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't want to pay all the time -- that doesn't make him happy. So, that won't work for your relationship. I do take times but sometimes I cant, a lot. Maybe once a month I can treat him. He would like it when we go out often and thats just not happening. I am not a spoiled brat that had mommy paying for me. I think you should pay for him sometimes. I think it comes off as really ungrateful to expect him to pay for you all the time and for you to never reciprocate. People have to do what they are both happy with doing. There is no hard and fast rule. My boyfriend and I typically take turns paying since we've been together for awhile, but in the early days he paid for everything. I think he probably ends up paying more money than I do, but I haven't stopped to do the math. What's important is that we are doing things we both want to do, and that we might not get to do otherwise if we weren't both chipping in. And we are both happy with the arrangement. I don't think so. The person who wants to pay should pay. If neither party wants to pay, you should stay home. It has nothing to do with who makes more money. No offense, but your friend sounds crazy. Lol when she told me I giggle so much! Good for them...they aren't you. I am using them as example never said it was me.
CarrieT Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 My original quote:Makes no difference what his bills and your bills are... OP's response: Bills should make a difference because he is paying nobody anything. All his 500 dollars a week go straight to his bank. Its unfair for him to even think I should pay. I was like you when I was 16. Why I say that bills shouldn't matter is because there is a point where you want to enter into a relationship with someone and not have to prepare a Profit & Loss spreadsheet of one's accounts to go on a date. People earn and spend money differently. If it bothers you that he pockets his $500 a week, you should offer a type of compromise like finding things to do that don't cost anything with the explanation, "Gee, hun, I was finding it difficult to pay my bills and shoulder the shared expense of our outings so I came up with a few things we can do together that won't cost us anything." Just because someone HAS money in no way obligates them to pay for another unless they offer. 1
SuperGeek Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) Nope. The girl can buy me a drink instead. I'll likely need it. Make it a double. On the rocks too... straight up. Edited June 29, 2013 by SuperGeek
Got it Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I am stuck between letting my boyfriend pay for our dates, vs me paying for my own half of the date. He has this new job, and he is taking about 500 dollars every week, and this is after taxes. Before, in his old job he was making 150 a week, and we used to argue some what who would paid since i was making more money. I would sometimes, he would paid. He would get upset when he had to paid more often. But he has no bills to PAY at all... His mother literally pays up everything for him. While, my little 250 a week goes to my phone, car insurance, food.. (I live with my mother, but she doesn't work... and depends on me for a lot of bills) So, i still find myself hearing him complain how he shouldn't have to paid all the times for dates. That I should paid for him too.... Now I'll be damn if i am going to paid for his half... I don't mind for myself, but i believe it's wrong since he is making more money than me! So... in your opinion who should paid? Should it always be 50/50? Should the man always paid? Is whoever making the big bucks should paid being female or male? My friend broke up with her boyfriend because he wanting her to paid for dinner... This was just ONE time in the six months there was dating... It upset her so much the fact he wanting her to treat him. She said.. "Just the man role. He MUST ALWAYS PAY!" My aunt been married for about 18 years... She said she never paid once for her dinner while dating my uncle and being married. I guess it depends. I am too progressive not to go dutch on things and it never crossed my mind when I first started dating not to. He may pay in the first date or two but I would then reciprocate if I was interested in continuing to date. Once I was an adult and dated some, I would pay for all or half of a first date if I was not interested in the person at all as I did not want to be indebted to the person and that they would feel I "owed" them anything. I like a very fluid back and forth between parties and for me it isn't about the money spent but the amount of energy he is putting into our relationship.
Author love1336x Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 I was like you when I was 16. Why I say that bills shouldn't matter is because there is a point where you want to enter into a relationship with someone and not have to prepare a Profit & Loss spreadsheet of one's accounts to go on a date. People earn and spend money differently. If it bothers you that he pockets his $500 a week, you should offer a type of compromise like finding things to do that don't cost anything with the explanation, "Gee, hun, I was finding it difficult to pay my bills and shoulder the shared expense of our outings so I came up with a few things we can do together that won't cost us anything." Just because someone HAS money in no way obligates them to pay for another unless they offer. Ohh well when you said it like this I understand where you are coming from now... You are right, there no ring on my finger, we aren't living together. He does not have an obligation. It would be nice if he offer, but he won't so i wont fuss for much longer. Just do 50/50. But, if he wants me to pay for his half I will say I can't which is the truth. If me and him was at same pay rate or then be honest I wouldn't care.
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