foldingaces Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 She was basically gung-ho from our first meeting/date. We went out again to a ballgame and then we were just connecting. Acting like we've been dating for months. Granted that I don't know her that well, but it was obvious that we were attracted to each other....holding hands, kisses, rubbing each other's backs. After the game, I walk her to her car, she plants one on me...passionately. We part ways, I thank her for the evening and compliment her that she's "so sexy" too. And she's very receptive of all the compliments via text and when we were face to face. The next day it's like she's having second thoughts about it all, says that we need to slow things down. I actually agree too. I don't want to burn out this feeling too quickly. I have faults about patience here and there when I really connect with someone...but I can manage. Well from the day we met until the "slow it down" speech, it was a barrage of texts back and forth. Now it is next to nothing since she said that. Granted she just got out of a relationship about 2 months ago...but all the things I stand for, she's all into. I have integrity and I am a good father and man. My issue is...what does this slow it down mean for her to me, and what is the next course of action I should take? I come from the mentality that if you really like someone, you show it by actions and words. I'm like that. It may be weird coming from a guy, but that's just how I'm geared. I like to serve and make any woman I'm dating happy if at all possible. Yet, I don't want to "over" pursue her either. Any suggestions?
InsaneTrombone Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hah, I had a very similar situation but probably a bit more extreme. Was laying down and she got ontop of me. We started kissing and making out. She started kissing my chest, my neck, my ear..tugging on my boxers underneath my jeans..pressing her hips into me..we're both fully clothed. Things didn't go much further than that but it ended with her saying 'lets slow down'...I'm totally fine with that, but she definitely initiated it lol. Anyways, thought it was funny I had the same experience recently as you, figured I'd add my post too. I think we both got carried away in the moment is all.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 She was basically gung-ho from our first meeting/date. We went out again to a ballgame and then we were just connecting. Acting like we've been dating for months. Granted that I don't know her that well, but it was obvious that we were attracted to each other....holding hands, kisses, rubbing each other's backs. After the game, I walk her to her car, she plants one on me...passionately. We part ways, I thank her for the evening and compliment her that she's "so sexy" too. And she's very receptive of all the compliments via text and when we were face to face. The next day it's like she's having second thoughts about it all, says that we need to slow things down. I actually agree too. I don't want to burn out this feeling too quickly. I have faults about patience here and there when I really connect with someone...but I can manage. Well from the day we met until the "slow it down" speech, it was a barrage of texts back and forth. Now it is next to nothing since she said that. Granted she just got out of a relationship about 2 months ago...but all the things I stand for, she's all into. I have integrity and I am a good father and man. My issue is...what does this slow it down mean for her to me, and what is the next course of action I should take? I come from the mentality that if you really like someone, you show it by actions and words. I'm like that. It may be weird coming from a guy, but that's just how I'm geared. I like to serve and make any woman I'm dating happy if at all possible. Yet, I don't want to "over" pursue her either. Any suggestions? How long were she and her ex together? Maybe she's realizing she's just not ready yet. How long has it been since you last saw her?
Author foldingaces Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 (edited) We met early this week. It was just an instantaneous connection. It was just a constant barrage of texts about what we wanted in a relationship, and it was an almost too good to be true scenario where we meshed on everything. Then once she said the words about "slowing down," things became awkward and very minimal. Did she have cold feet? Who knows? I didn't get any hints or any signs of anything but that she was very attracted to me and she had no issues about showing it. Now that she had some time away from that night...its like she's taken a BIG step back and it makes me question her motives because everything now is inconsistent. I'm a blunt person and I have no problem asking point blank questions. Yet, that might drive her away. I don't want to get to the point to give her that space to the point where most of us guys would feel that she's just going to forget about me if I don't text or call, hoping that she'd text or call me first. I don't want to have to initiate everything either, though. It's a stupid game of cat and mouse in which I hate. Do I play this stupid game, or do I just ask point blank....and hope to God that her answer is what I want to hear? Should I ask if she still has the same interest, or should I ask if she has less interest? I like hanging out with her...I just hate playing these guessing games that you'd like a "right now" answer to. Edited June 28, 2013 by foldingaces
Divasu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Two months out of a relationship, you have to be careful. My friend just had her heart crushed by someone who started dating her shortly following his divorce, she discovered he is actively online dating with a profile that reads "looking for someone to share my life with", while he is still dating her. I don't think there's much you can do since she asked to slow things down on her own accord and unprompted, other than obliging.
RedRobin Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My best advice is to forget about the 'instantaneous connection'... that happens all the time in OLD (I'm guessing that is how you met). It is called pseudo-intimacy... think about it. You don't even know this person. At all. Total stranger. How can you possibly have any real connection? At this point it is more about hormones and fantasies you've created in your brain. So, long story short... forget about all the touchy feely stuff on that first date and focus on getting to know her. That's all.
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