TheFutureofUs Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I'm not sure if this is supposed to be here or maybe in the "Break Up" forum, but this forum does touch on the subject of "things not working out the way I had hoped." A little background on the situation: He and I met on the internet a little over three years ago. We jumped into a relationship after knowing each other for about two weeks. I opened up to him about the details of my past and he drilled me, wanting to know specifics. He didn't always like what he found out because I have had more exes than he has and I've experienced things that he hasn't. We have almost broken up several times because of these things. But I think I got in my mind that he 'accepted me' for the person that I was and that nobody else would want to deal with my 'baggage.' I am obviously not that person anymore, so it was really tough for me to rehash some of the memories from my past because they occurred before I even knew him and some were horrible memories that I had suppressed for years. Because we didn't have a strong friendship before dating, he didn't trust me or he didn't trust how I would handle certain situations where he was not present. Because of that, I didn't go study abroad when I had the opportunity. I didn't go on several mission trips because it'd put a strain on our relationship. I recently graduated from college, but decided that I wanted to go back for a different degree and I wanted to go to school three hours away. He told me that if I chose to do that, he wasn't sure what would happen to our relationship. So I chose a different path and to attend a school in our city. I understand that relationships are all about making sacrifices, but I don't feel like it was fair that he asked me to give these things up. If an opportunity arose where he would have to go somewhere, I would support him no matter what and try to make things work. Over the past three years, we have spent almost every day together and have almost isolated ourselves off from the rest of the world. So a lot of my friendships have suffered and I rarely hang out with my friends without him. I feel like we have both almost become dependent on each other and I know that isn't healthy. Lately, we have been on a 'break' because I need time and space to think about what's going on and what I really want for my future. I just don't think we are as compatible as we once were. He's been in the work force for almost 3 years. I have about 4 more years left of school. We had talked about moving in together and getting married, but now the idea of it makes me feel really apprehensive. I feel like the spark that we once shared isn't there anymore. I have talked to him about some of the things that have been bothering me, but I kind of feel like we have reached a point where there is no way of fixing the damage that has already been done. I don't get that excited feeling that I once did when I know I'm about to see him. He's said that he's sorry for giving me ultimatums, but I feel like it's too late for that. And although I forgive him, I have still grown to be very resentful and almost bitter towards him. I'm seriously considering breaking up because it's unfair for me to be in a relationship with someone and be this unhappy. Also, if I'm unhappy, it's not going to be a healthy relationship for him either. I feel like if we were to continue on trying to make things work, we would both end up hating each other and I don't want that at all. Not that I think it'd be a clean break-up anyway... Is it wrong of me to feel this way? It's not necessarily that I think 'the grass is greener on the other side.' I've just been holding myself back from doing all of these things for myself and I feel like I'm not growing in this relationship at all. It's almost like he and I are just going through the motions. I never thought that I would be at this breaking point. And I've generally been the person who gets broken up with, so this is all new to me. So really any advice or comments would be helpful. Thank you guys so much.
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