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He says he wants space.. Should I just start trying to move on or is there hope

blackcrow37

By blackcrow37
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blackcrow37 Member

blackcrow37

Posted
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I'm asking because its driving me nuts having to wait for him, not knowing if its over or not.

 

5 months relationship (We're both 23), I had to go back home because of family tragedy so we have been apart for a month, and will be for 7 more before we were planning on seeing each other again

 

This was after a fight, the last thing I said to him (after not hearing from him for a week) was asking him to make the decision to try and work with me to sort things out, or just tell me straight up that he doesn't want to be with me. He replied with this:

 

"Im trying to take a little break to sort out my mind. I'm still so completely stressed every day even. I just need a little while longer to sort through my brain. Please...just give me a few more days to think."

 

That was on Monday, I haven't even replied to that. I am trying to give him the space he wants.

 

Have I lost him or is he just cooling off? I told him to just tell me if he wants to break up, it doesn't take that much balls to just break it off over email if thats what he wants so I don't know if he's just being a coward or not

 

I just want to know if I should move on or not, I don't want to wait for ever for an email (good or bad) that isn't coming

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Regardless of what he's really thinking, I think you should move on. He doesn't want you badly enough to give you a commitment or even really communicate with you, so consider yourself cut loose.

 

Give him all the space he'll ever want by not talking to him anymore. Date other guys.

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Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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What was the 'fight' about?

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
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Let me ask you something...

 

Are you in a hurry to move on? Do you have someone else that you would like to date? If not, give him a couple of days more. A week? Sometimes, it does take some people some time to "figure" things out. If you think he's worth it, give him a little more time. Prepare for the worst, but please don't do anything that is premature or emotionally charged. We often make some serious mistakes when we're in that kind of state and regret later. If it helps, respond and tell him that you need an answer by a certain date...or simply tell him that he's free to think things through, but you need to move on if he is not committed.

 

I don't know, but people can be so impatient at times. In the end, don't put your life on hold....

 

Good luck.

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blackcrow37 Member

blackcrow37

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the fight was just me getting angry because I was going through a tough time because of everything that was happening at home and i was sick of him acting really distant. but he says that he wasn't contacting me as much because his phone has no credit anymore and he has no computer, both of which I know to be true because when I left he was stressing about money and only had $100 left

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blackcrow37 Member

blackcrow37

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do you think I should email him and give him a date I need to hear from him by? its been four days since I've heard from him, maybe it would be a bit late for that, I don't want to come off as being desperate...

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted
do you think I should email him and give him a date I need to hear from him by? its been four days since I've heard from him, maybe it would be a bit late for that, I don't want to come off as being desperate...

 

No. Move on. Don't jump into bed with someone else, but assume that you aren't exactly exclusive, either. I'm sure he could find a way to contact you if he wanted to. Libraries have computers, and there are a ton of ways to get free emails. He didn't contact you for a week, and THEN he has to think about things?

 

Screw that. Move on. Deal with your own issues in the meantime, and get the things that are stressing you resolved.

 

If he wants to be with you, hopefully he'll tell you before it's too late.

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sweetheart5381 Established Member

sweetheart5381

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No. Move on. Don't jump into bed with someone else, but assume that you aren't exactly exclusive, either. I'm sure he could find a way to contact you if he wanted to. Libraries have computers, and there are a ton of ways to get free emails. He didn't contact you for a week, and THEN he has to think about things?

 

Screw that. Move on. Deal with your own issues in the meantime, and get the things that are stressing you resolved.

 

If he wants to be with you, hopefully he'll tell you before it's too late.

 

Great advice.

  • Like 2
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted
"Im trying to take a little break to sort out my mind. I'm still so completely stressed every day even. I just need a little while longer to sort through my brain. Please...just give me a few more days to think."

 

do you think I should email him and give him a date I need to hear from him by? its been four days since I've heard from him, maybe it would be a bit late for that, I don't want to come off as being desperate...

 

He's basically asking for you to back off, as a result of (what appears to be) you getting angry with him for being distant and taking your frustrations out on him. So, he was being distant before, and now he's being more distant.

 

Sounds like he is in shutdown mode so I'm afraid anything you do on your end to communicate with him further, would be pushing it. I know it's an uncomfortable and unpleasant situation to be in when you're stuck in limbo, so it all boils down to how well you can tolerate it.

 

There is always the chance that he might not come back to you, at which point, you declare the relationship over in your mind and proceed to live your life accordingly. Right now, I personally wouldn't do something drastic like go out and immediately date/hook-up with other guys. You need to have a better grasp on things and your emotions might be too 'intense' right now given the circumstances. You guys have been together 5 months, and while that is not a long time, it's not someone you've been on 1-2 dates with either. I would say for the time being, as hard as it may be, reconcile your feelings on your own timeline and let him sit in his man cave. You'll have a clearer prospective if/when he does resurface.

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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When a man asks for space, give him the universe.

 

I wouldn't be contacting him anymore. Go about your own life. If and when he decides to resurface you can think about what you want to do then.

 

But personally for me? Not talking for an entire week is a dealbreaker.

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blackcrow37 Member

blackcrow37

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I can't move on unless someone says "it's over", otherwise I'm going to keep hoping.

 

And clearly he doesn't care that much. So I just messaged him and said I'm done. Probably already was over in his head, but I needed to say it. I don't care if he thinks I'm pathetic or emotional or whatever, that was 100% for me.

 

Such bull**** about him never being able to contact me, every time I message him I can see on facebook that he sees it within half an hour. And he doesn't even have the spine to own up to wanting to be with me, I mean it's over email, you don't even have to look me in the eye. I'm just so disappointed in him right now and feel stupid for getting mixed up with him.

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blackcrow37 Member

blackcrow37

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edit on that last post: doesn't have the spine to own up to NOT wanting to be with me

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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At least you aren't blinded by "love." You made a clean break, for YOU, and are already seeing through his bull****. Well done!

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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Well you made a decision that you felt was best for you and that was the final nail in the coffin (so to speak). Sorry things didn't work out. :(

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