thr1986 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 (edited) I'm a young professional in my mid 20's. I dated someone for the past year and we got very serious. At first she was very much the initiator of te relationship and then I soon became very much in love with her. We talked about a future together and getting married one day, the whole 9 yards. I genuinely loved her. She had a questionable past as she had been married and divorced twice by the time she was 25. This startled me but she explained that both guys treated her poorly and were dishonest with her so she divorced them, and I believed her. About 8 months in I started realizing some stuff she said did not add up. She told me a different story about her first ex husband than she told a mutual friend of ours. Very different story, so I didn't know which one to believe, but let it go and honestly didn't think too much about it. Long story short, I over heard a conversation she was having with a guy friend of hers about how I was "aggressive" with her and she was victimizing herself to this guy exactly as she victimized herself to me about what her 2 ex husbands did to her. She told him that she was goinf to leave the relationship. What she said was completely untrue and a total lie so I kindly sat down with her and asked her why she said thy stuff and what she was talking about. She admitted that she was fabricating and embellishing and said that she wanted a future with me, this life we had discussed together. She said she didn't mean what she said and that she was not planning on leaving the relationship. I decided to break up with her as I though this behavior was genuinely a little nuts. Would you not agree? However, I did genuinely love her. I included her on every thought I had about my future. I still think about her every day, over 2 months later. We have not had any contact. Any advice on how to stop thinking about her? She was someone I genuinely loved. I was forced on leave her base on her behavior which sucks, really for both of us because I think she wanted to stay with me. I started to ignore her and she continued to text me a couple times a week tellingly how much she missed me and how much she loved me but I ignored it and we have had no contact for 2 months now. Any advice on forgetting her? Edited June 29, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
McGriff Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Man, tough story. Sounds like she has ALOT of issues and red flags. You probably saved yourself a lot of pain and problems in the future by letting her go. As for forgetting about her---that's pretty much impossible to do if you loved her so deeply. And there's nothing wrong with that. I know it's painful, but it's the nature of healing. Obviously, you need to stay busy and work on improving your life. Everything else (feelings, regrets, broken heart) will work themselves out. Maybe plan a vacation, lean on your friends and family to get out and go do things. Down time is where the thoughts happen, so you have to fill in your downtime as much as possible. Movies, may e go out on a couple dates, go to the mall, video games---all will take your mind off her for short relief periods. You're gonna be fine. Good luck.
eddyctv Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 - find new, "normal" girls to hang out with - talk to friends and family - Read books - bike ride - gym - basically, get a hobby
Author thr1986 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I went through a short period thinking I wouldn't find someone that I loved like that again. But I'm starting to see the light. Yes she had some major issues that she was very good at covering up, but she was also a very unique girl whom I loved. I'm only 26, this is probably a dumb questio but it helps to hear it from someone: will I find someone I love and want to marry again and get over this ex?
eddyctv Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 will I find someone I love and want to marry again and get over this ex? Nope. There is ZERO chance of that happening. 1
Sneaky Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Wow, I am actually impressed. It sounds like you definitely did the right thing to avoid a lot of trouble and pain down the line and it could not have been easy. As for forgetting her, I'm not sure if that's possible but you can stop yourself from thinking about her all the time by staying busy. Like a few posts above mention, find something you like and fill your time. Personally I'm doing a lot of reading, watching tv shows, working out, writing, etc.
eddyctv Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I went through a short period thinking I wouldn't find someone that I loved like that again. But I'm starting to see the light. Yes she had some major issues that she was very good at covering up, but she was also a very unique girl whom I loved. I'm only 26, this is probably a dumb questio but it helps to hear it from someone: will I find someone I love and want to marry again and get over this ex? DUDE you are 26!!! In your PRIME!!! Go out and get some action...you are too young to be thinking about marriage - ESPECIALLY with a girl who seems flaky!
Author thr1986 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Nope. There is ZERO chance of that happening. Your being scarcastic I assume? Seriously, this is a tough time man 1
eddyctv Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Your being scarcastic I assume? Seriously, this is a tough time man Of course i am being sarcastic! You WILL find someone else...NO DOUBT. You are going thru a tough time, really tough. I get it. I am too. But a month from now you will feel better. Open up to someone about it, like your parents or a sibling. They will help. You will find someone. Just dont push it right now...GO OUT AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BUDDIES! 2
andilyn1 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 My only advice like others mentioned is to stay busy. It has been two weeks since my breakup, and he physically abused me, yet he is always on my mind, and it's messed up because he hurt me, so I should be angry at him, but I keep thinking of all the good times and how deeply I loved him. But I have been trying to keep busy. Anything that gets your mind off of her is good. Exercise has really helped me. And you definitely will find someone else to love and share your life with. I know that there is someone out there for me too, but I also understand how hard it is to see that when you're hurting. Hang in there though, eventually time will heal your heart. And what I keep trying to remind myself of is everything happens for a reason. We may not be able to fully believe that right now, but in time we will see why these relationships didn't work and why we went through so much pain.
Author thr1986 Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Haha yeah. As if that was not enough red flag as it is. I was nieve and actually willing to overlook that, big mistake. She is just cold blooded, it's sad I wasted a year of my life.
brokenheart99 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 love is blind, dont be too hard on yourself. you loved her and believed her, you did nothing wrong. and it takes a strong person to walk out of a relationship with someone that you truly love. as far as any advice on forgetting her, idk personally for me, i dont truly move on from someone until i move on with someone else. because the new person is the new love in my life and i forget the other person. i dont just mean rebound, but genuinely move on. if its still too soon, and 2 months sure sounds like it, then i wish i could tell you something better to forget her. idk, maybe keep posting on here =/ ill keep u distracted until you are ready. i just had my heart ripped out so i have nothing but time..
Author thr1986 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I'm really starting to do better. Yes I loved her and truly planned on a future with her. Looking back I almost see how it didn't work out though. We come from such different sets of citcumstance. Me: southern, very educated, professionally driven example. You go to college, maybe grad school, then work and life is very much about your career. That's how everyone in my family is. She is from the west, raised in a mormon family and grew up in a shared household with other members outside of her immediate family which I think had some sort of developmental impact on her maturity because we parents never really individualized themselflvrs and their family. But I'll tell you what, we were crazy about each other and nothing in the world mattered to me other than her for the past 8 months or so. I mean I loved her, and would have done anything for her. She was very heartbroken when I left, just devistated it seemed. She just has some personality issues I think. I have tried to make sense of it all but it never will make any sense to a logical thinker. I've been dating again now and it has helped. I'm about to move to a new state for my job and live in a new city which I think will be great for me. Love is tough, but I'll admit that I am a total romantic and I just love the intimacy of having someone. I honestly just want to love someone, take care of each other, have a life together and everything that comes along with that. To me, that's what life is about.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'm really starting to do better. Yes I loved her and truly planned on a future with her. Looking back I almost see how it didn't work out though. We come from such different sets of citcumstance. Me: southern, very educated, professionally driven example. You go to college, maybe grad school, then work and life is very much about your career. That's how everyone in my family is. She is from the west, raised in a mormon family and grew up in a shared household with other members outside of her immediate family which I think had some sort of developmental impact on her maturity because we parents never really individualized themselflvrs and their family. But I'll tell you what, we were crazy about each other and nothing in the world mattered to me other than her for the past 8 months or so. I mean I loved her, and would have done anything for her. She was very heartbroken when I left, just devistated it seemed. She just has some personality issues I think. I have tried to make sense of it all but it never will make any sense to a logical thinker. I've been dating again now and it has helped. I'm about to move to a new state for my job and live in a new city which I think will be great for me. Love is tough, but I'll admit that I am a total romantic and I just love the intimacy of having someone. I honestly just want to love someone, take care of each other, have a life together and everything that comes along with that. To me, that's what life is about. My man, you sound very healthy mentally. Good job for recognizing all the MAJOR red flags she demonstrated. It's funny you mentioned 8 months in was when the issues started. My ex hid her true personality for the same period. She actually admitted she was in her words "on my best behavior". After that time frame, I saw a different person than who I thought she was. She use to always say "I'm not an easy person to get along with".. No kidding?!?!?! I just wish I had the balls to kick her ass to the curb right then when the red flags and sirens started going off in my head vs. breaking up and getting back together for the 7 months..
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