Cassi416 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My boyfriend broke up with me after I truthfully confessed to cheating. The day it happened I was mad because he came to school hungover. I hung out with my guy friend and as I was venting my frustration my guy friend kissed me. In the heat of the moment I kissed him back. I told him the entire truth. After my friend kissed me I told him no and don't do that again. The guilt was killing me so I told my boyfriend a couple nights ago. Wednesday night he was acting on emotion and ended it. I tried everything for him to give me another chance. Yesterday, our friend Joe tried talking to him, he just walked by and said "I already told her I'm not taking her back." I called my boyfriend's mother and she told me he's hurting pretty bad but she knows he still loves me. Brian (bf) isn't talking to anyone. His mom said he's trying to power through it but it still hurts, he's trying to be strong but he knows deep down he can't. But, his mom is fond of me and isn't mad, because she knows everyone's been there and she's happy I told the truth. Brian just told her we got in an argument. I asked his mom nicely to have him call me in two weeks and she said she would. I don't want to just throw away the nine wonderful months I spent with Brian. My guy friend apologized, I apologized, and he still isn't talking, not even to his cousin. What can I do so he'll take me back and do you think he'll take me back? Kissing my friend was the BIGGEST and DUMBEST mistake of my life. And Brian knows this. What can I do and do you think he'd take me back? Would he even call? Please help :'( I've given him so many second chances and he couldn't give me this one. Last night I wrote a 3 page long apology letter that I plan to read to him to his face. If I can't to his face over the phone is fine too. Would apologizing help make the situation better? I don't want Brian to return to drinking his pain away. He was right about the guy friend and I want him back so bad. Please, please help me. Should I apologize today?
will1988 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You did cheat, thankfully for you you were honest about it and did nothing more than a kiss... read some of the threads on here about full grown adult women try ing to justify cheating on their husbands with married men and justifying ruining both families lives (crazy in my opinion)...so what you did was mild in comparison. Of course your ex is hurt, because you cheated on him, albeit mildly. It will take him time to heel. You've stated your case to him a few times already... I would honestly recomend giving him some space for a while and let him lick his wounds. If you keep apologizing and bugging him to take you back, all it will do is tick him off more. it will be re-opening his wounds by reminding him of your actions. What you need to do is let him know you will give him some space but are open to him talking to you, when he is ready. you've done all you can do. now it is time for him to heel and make his own choice on whether or not to take you back... it will take time though. it is not an overnight process. Also, you may find that he will not want to get back together with you. That is always a possibility. So short answer: Give him space but let him know you are here when he wants to talk. if he takes you back make him trust you again. now on to him... do you honestly want to be with a guy who shows up to school drunk? also, your friend does not sound like a true friend to me... he was taking advantage of you when you were not fully composed emotionally. you may want to take a long deep look at whether this guy is truly your friend.
Author Cassi416 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 He's troubled, he's been expelled for drugs before. He doesn't know who his father is, or where he is. For the past nine months I've been there and he's been trying to drink the pain away and that's not right. He watched his own best friend die when he was 8 years old; it was a car accident. I really love him and I want to be with him.
will1988 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 so this kid has a lot of baggage. you are blinded by love. I dated a girl, in college, who was a raging alcoholic, had been date rapped, had a dui and underage drinking charge already on her record. I loved her too... best sex of my life, till that point. But it wore me down, especially after she took my car, got drunk, hit another car, drove off and filed a police report because she knew i'd be mad so she blamed it on her ex. got filed with drunk in public, filing a false police report, missuse of 911 etc... and she tried dragging me to court to have me lie for her, even after we broke up! didn't do it. from then on out, i knew i could never change her. My friends, her friends and neighbors all called me "The saint" for the amount of BS i put up with from her. I realized that you can never change someone. The only way for a person to change is if they do it on their own free will and without outside pressure for a bf/gf/husband/wife/friends etc... They have to do it for them. You love your bf, but he has problems, and his problems will most likely get worse. Harsh truth, but the truth none the less. You will end up baring the brunt of his problems if he takes you back. You cannot fix him. In the end you will be miserable. Also, you deep down know this... you think you truly love him, but if you truly loved him you would not have been tempted by your male friend, you would not have given in to it. I'm not faulting you at all for doing that. I'm just stating the facts. Maybe it is time to take a deep long look in to your own heart... and decide if this is the guy you truly want to be with. Me thinks the answer is no, but you are so infatuated with him and want to change him that you are blinded to your true rational feelings. good luck
orionboxing Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Cheating just a big no no. It just shows a major lack of respect for a person you are supposedly committed to. Odds are, you probably don't feel that strongly about Brian anyways, otherwise you would have not considered even doing that to him. Now that he pushes you away, you want him more. His drinking isn't meant to hurt you, it's his dysfunctional way of dealing with HIS problems. By you kissing another guy, can you imagine how this feels to him? Not only is he dealing with his own demons of alcohol and childhood trauma, he's dealing with a girlfriend he really cared about doing things behind his back. I don't mean to be so harsh, but the thought of someone you love having sex or even kissing someone else is one of the most hurtful, painful things you'll ever endure. I remember being doubled over in pain, not eating, not sleeping when it essentially happened to me. I wanted to die. Brian is going through this right now. He wants space from you...please honor his wish. I'm sorry you are going through this. 2
Author Cassi416 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I've loved him since the day we met four years ago and he returned the same feelings. I respect him, but he has little respect for himself. I love him with my entire being, and it's not like I asked my friend to kiss me. I was staring at the road talking and all of a sudden, whoa, lips. I LOVE BRIAN.
Author Cassi416 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I tried apologizing, but he most likely erased the text and didn't even read it. So I feel I really need to apologize sincerely and face to face. Show emotion, and sincerity
Treasa Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You kissed your friend back. You technically cheated, and you framed it as being because you were mad at your boyfriend. It doesn't matter. You kissed another guy. I think the best thing to do would be to leave him alone, DO NOT call his mom or his family or his friends, and try to work on being the best you that you can be. He might come back, he might not, but he certainly won't if you're not giving him any space. File away that letter and don't read or send it to him.
will1988 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Trust us... we've been in your boat, or close to it before. WE know what we are talking about. This guy wants space, and the more clingy you act, the bigger the wedge you will drive in to this once relationship. It is the hard road, but it is the one that out of all other options will most likely get him to take you back. give him time to heel.
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