NYCGuy22 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It's been 3 weeks since my girlfriend of 6 years ended our relationship. Right now, it seems like I've been through the majority of the rough spots....or is there more to come?? I've really been focusing on her lies towards the end to convince myself that she really isn't a good person. That seems to help. Now for the tricky part....I met someone else a few days ago and we just started talking. The only problem is that I really seem disinterested. It is the first potential date that I've had in 6 years!! All I kept thinking about was that she is not the person I loved for 6 years and I'd rather be talking to my ex. Is that normal? Will I actually be able to date and not compare the person I've been with for such a long time? I'm so confused
eddyctv Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I would say take it slow...it'll probably be a rebound relationship anyway. But I think it's a step in the right direction? Maybe? I dont think it could hurt...
SimonSerenade Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Well you have 2 options, sit around and think about her or take some time out to yourself and meet some nice people in the process, it could help, there's nothing wrong with how you feel, it's natural, I've been chatting with some new women, it's been nice, from time to time I feel a sadness that tells me it isn't her, I wouldn't want it to be though, I think that's the point.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 How emotionally invested were you during the RS? At the end? Were you checking out before the BU? If you were committed and this was a solid RS for 6 years, then based on my experience, you are nowhere near ready to move on. In fact, you may still be in shock and have not even begun the recovery process. Not trying to sound like a dick, but if you truly are already past the 'rough spots' than I would think this RS was quite insignificant in terms of meaning to you. At least at the end. I guess only time will tell… Good luck. Oh and if you do want to rebound, nothing wrong with that. Just be sure not to lead anyone on. Definitely something wrong with that!! 1
theonlyjuan Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My relationship before my ex was similar length to yours. I was single bout 2 weeks and got involved with the wrong girl. 3 weeks after her I started seeing my current ex. 6 months later that's over now lol I got really needy and clingy with my current ex. I think I convinced myself she was the one etc It can mess your head up and make you question everything about yourself. I have definatly found out I have some real issues about myself and needing someone. Up to you...I'd just meet some new girls and just be friends and see where it goes 1
Author NYCGuy22 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 How emotionally invested were you during the RS? At the end? Were you checking out before the BU? If you were committed and this was a solid RS for 6 years, then based on my experience, you are nowhere near ready to move on. In fact, you may still be in shock and have not even begun the recovery process. Not trying to sound like a dick, but if you truly are already past the 'rough spots' than I would think this RS was quite insignificant in terms of meaning to you. At least at the end. I guess only time will tell… Good luck. Oh and if you do want to rebound, nothing wrong with that. Just be sure not to lead anyone on. Definitely something wrong with that!! I was extremely emotionally invested - all the way until the end. I never once checked out - she claimed to have checked out and broke up with me. And quite honestly, I though I was past the rough spots 3 hours ago when I posted this - and now I feel like crap again. Maybe I'm not past anything but I really really really want to be. One day I'm fine - next day I'm not. One hour I'm fine - next hour I'm not. It was probably the most important relationship in my life so far.
aloneinaz Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I was extremely emotionally invested - all the way until the end. I never once checked out - she claimed to have checked out and broke up with me. And quite honestly, I though I was past the rough spots 3 hours ago when I posted this - and now I feel like crap again. Maybe I'm not past anything but I really really really want to be. One day I'm fine - next day I'm not. One hour I'm fine - next hour I'm not. It was probably the most important relationship in my life so far. I think what you're feeling is normal. I'm at 4 weeks NC since she ended our toxic relationship. I still miss the NICE version of my ex. The only problem was this nice version wasn't very prevalent the last two months. I often came home from her house wondering what's wrong with me that I put up with her moods/stress/temper/anger and *itchyness. I did love her and kept hoping she'd calm down and relax and go back to the woman I feel in love with. Sadly, I think I simply experienced her true personality the last couple of months. I've been dating for two weeks as mentioned in another thread. I've enjoyed it and had sex w/two of the five I've dated. The only thing you have to be prepared for is more rejection. Both men and women are VERY picky in the age group I'm in. You can have a good date or two and then the women goes cold and you don't hear from her again. You can also get frustrated after a date where the woman was not very fun or interesting. This is when you go into comparison's w/your ex. This is when you drive home wishing you were back in the safety of your previous relationship. Where you didn't have to deal with the ups and downs of dating. I will say, those feelings pass and if your honest with yourself, you'll say I'd rather be single and lonely (while trying to meet your next other) than stay in a bad, toxic relationship where in my case, I felt like I had to walk on egg shells around the *itch.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I was extremely emotionally invested - all the way until the end. I never once checked out - she claimed to have checked out and broke up with me. And quite honestly, I though I was past the rough spots 3 hours ago when I posted this - and now I feel like crap again. Maybe I'm not past anything but I really really really want to be. One day I'm fine - next day I'm not. One hour I'm fine - next hour I'm not. It was probably the most important relationship in my life so far. Ok, then you, like me, were in pretty deep. My ex checked out before the BU too. They usually do. Then it's a bomb shell of shock and disbelief. That's the first stage. Now, get ready for a rollercoaster ride of every emotion in the book. And, just when you think you've processed one, it comes back again. It will be up, down and all around for a while. I too tried to rush through the process, but it is not possible. You must simply let it take it's course for a while. I am predicting a long, arduous road ahead for you. Sorry. I hate to sound like a negative Nancy, but the reality is, in our situation, this will take a while. Now, for some good news. I can absolutely tell you that it will get better. Here are some things that are working for me currently: 1. Strict and diligent NC. This will help!! I am now over 100 days and I know I would be way worse if I remained in contact. There are 1000's of stories about those who don't/can't stick to it. The result is always the same and it's not good. Sustained pain and misery and delayed recovery. 2. Therapy/counseling. Now is a good time to get deep on yourself. I have discovered some deep issues from long ago that have been affecting me for years. Now, I'm dealing with that and trying to become a stronger better person for myself. 3. Self-help books. 4. Make plans and stay busy. 5. Journal/vent. 6. Use LS. It helps. 7. Some people recommend dating or a rebound RS. Personally, I was not ready for this for the first few months. I am getting there now. Do so according to your own thoughts/feelings. No one can tell you what is right for you on this topic. Remember, it's not a race with your ex. She will win. Do what you need to do only! Good luck my friend. Stay Strong. Stay NC!!
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It's been 3 weeks since my girlfriend of 6 years ended our relationship. Right now, it seems like I've been through the majority of the rough spots....or is there more to come?? I've really been focusing on her lies towards the end to convince myself that she really isn't a good person. That seems to help. Now for the tricky part....I met someone else a few days ago and we just started talking. The only problem is that I really seem disinterested. It is the first potential date that I've had in 6 years!! All I kept thinking about was that she is not the person I loved for 6 years and I'd rather be talking to my ex. Is that normal? Will I actually be able to date and not compare the person I've been with for such a long time? I'm so confused It sounds like it's too soon. Even if you have gone through all the rough parts, there are still emotions in regard to your ex. Being over the rough patch doesn't mean it's over; you may have just hit the transitional phase, but it seems soon for that, too. Maybe you've entered the "numb/denial" state. After all, the grieving process doesn't actually go in a specific order, and it can-and has been known-to loop. So it's highly possible you'll hit those rough patches again. Since you're confused, I suggest being honest with this new person about how you're feeling. That way, you don't end up hurting them-as unintentional as it would be. Take some time for yourself. You can remain friends with this other girl, but make it clear if that's all you want right now, so she can decide if she's alright with that.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My relationship before my ex was similar length to yours. I was single bout 2 weeks and got involved with the wrong girl. 3 weeks after her I started seeing my current ex. 6 months later that's over now lol I got really needy and clingy with my current ex. I think I convinced myself she was the one etc It can mess your head up and make you question everything about yourself. I have definatly found out I have some real issues about myself and needing someone. Up to you...I'd just meet some new girls and just be friends and see where it goes Sounds like the exact same thing that happened to one of my friends. Every break-up with the same girlfriend, he'd jump into another relationship too soon, only to end up hurting the girl he wound up with, when he returned to his ex. This happened four times in six years. Glad you got out of your pattern, though. It took my friend's ex deciding to stop going back in order for my friend to end his cycle.
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