Elguapo Posted October 17, 2004 Posted October 17, 2004 First of all, I just want to say what a Godsend this message board has been for me. Thank you to everyone who has spent their time and energy in an effort to help not only themselves, but others going through a breakup. Ok. As you may know from my previous post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49480/ my fiance cheated on me and dumped me. We had been together for 5 years. Looking back I realize that I am partly responsible for the way in which our relationship turned out. I hadn't been supporting her emotionally as I should have been and, in moments of anger, I had said some things that made her feel small and terrible. In fact, I did that too many times. Now, I love her with all my heart. And I do want to get back with her, I would like to spend the rest of my life with her if possible. If she returned to me and was truly sorry for what she did I would forgive her. Basically, what happened is that we let stress and other things drive us apart. I certainly wasn't treating her as I should. We're currently sharing the same apartment till my stuff is moved out on thursday, which is an odd experience. She really wants to be friends, but I've told her that as soon as I leave I'm gone forever. Period. The only problem is that my family's dog is going to have to be transported via pet transport to where I am moving. How can I maintain the NC rule and still make the arrangements for the pickup once I'm gone? The only available dates for any of the companies come after I've already left, and leaving the dog with her is not an option. I realize that this may seem likes a stupid question, but I've read some posts where it's said that NC should be 100% while other posts have stated that it is negotiable in certain situations. Still in others some people calim that "being there" for the ex is the best thing to get her back. What do I do? Last night I came back and she was in the living room talking to the guy she claims she loves. When I returned she didn't get off the phone and I even heard her doing the whole "I love you too" like a junior high school kid. In her mind she's really sticking to the whole notion of viewin gme as a firend and nothing more. She's only been talking with this guy since the beginning of September and claims she loves him. I say bull****. We were having problems and this guy told her what she wanted to hear. I told her how bizzare it was to say that she loved someone after such a short time and she said she fell in love with him after talking to him for 3 weeks on the phone (she had met him previously, and then spoke on the phone with him as he lives across the country). So basically she fell in love with a guy that she only met once, and then fell in love with on the phone! And that's why she flew out for a week and was with him while she told me she was with her friend. I really do love her and aside from this we have a deep and great history with each other. I need the best advice as to how to get her back. Is this new guy an infatuation or is it the real deal? What do I do? NC or be there for her? And what about contact due to the dog? I'm sorry that I'm rambling, I've just got a lot of emotional thoughts pouring out of me right now.
Mary3 Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Its not love. True real love comes with spending REAL time together through the good and bad....the unwashed hair....the muddy mess they left in the driveway....there are a million things to experience together and through real interaction love does develop. This is typical lust/infatuation and is short lived, Let them get together...It does not take long for the Reality to set in ........lol
Vosser Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 you may have lov for her but you cant have a relationship with just one person in love. I know i am going threw something like this and love cames from both sides to make one. I learned recently that love and faith is all u can really have. Dont be to presistant and let back on the anger it will cause problems. talk ot some one when u need to.
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