beachbum47 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 So, I don't really know where else to turn, and would like some honest opinions about my situation. I'll try to make it as short as possible, but I don't know if I can, lol. It is a long story, and I have to put all the details for it to make any sense. So, about 11 months ago, I met what I thought was the man of my dreams, unexpectedly. (I still think he is). I had just gotten off work (at a beach pub), and he came up to me and started talking to me. He had just moved in next door. We started playing words with friends together on our phones, and that's how we started talking. At first, everything was perfect. He was everything I'd been looking for, the picture in my head I'd always had of the perfect guy. He said and did all the right things. He told me I was beautiful, always called or texted when he said he would, told me how much he liked me and wanted a relationship with me, never looked at his phone when I was around, wanted to see me all the time, etc. Our connection was so strong and so intense. We would spend hours just kissing, cuddling, and talking. It was perfect. Too perfect. I told him I wanted to wait to have sex with him. He agreed, saying he "wanted to do this the right way." Unfortunately, 3 weeks after meeting, it happened. We just couldn't stop ourselves. The next day, he was fine, but I wasn't. I went into panic mode. I think I was so afraid of being hurt, that I caused my own pain. I went crazy girlfriend on him, texting him and saying stupid things, making a fool out of myself. He said he understood and that nothing had changed for him, and he forgave me. And then I did it AGAIN. That's when things changed. He was cold and aloof for a little while. Then he said he didn't want a relationship, and that he did at first, but I scared him away. He said that he still liked me and enjoyed my company, but thought we should take a step back. I agreed, and everything was OK. He would still text me and come to my job to see me, but obviously not as frequently. Then a whole week passed without hearing from him. Then at 1 AM, he calls me, all upset, asking me to meet him at some bar. So, being the idiot I am sometimes, met him. He proceeds to tell me he was upset about his ex getting engaged (I'd never even heard him speak of an ex before).. and then tells me all the things he finds wrong with me. I was dumbfounded. Then, Strangely, some random guy starts talking to us, and tells me I am beautiful, and lays into him telling him what an idiot he is for not seeing what he has right in front of him. I decide to sleep at his house that night, again, like an idiot. He brings up the guy hitting on me, getting angry and jealous. I say "I thought you didn't want me!".. He says "I don't know what I want!" We kiss for a while, and then go to sleep. He brings me home the next day, goes to work, then comes straight to my apartment after work. We have sex, he leaves, and as soon as he leaves, I shut the door behind him and am in tears. I decide I never want to feel that pain again, and tell him that its over, and I don't want to talk to him ever again, and to have a nice life (in a nice way). He is cold but doesn't fight about it. The next day, he tries to play me on words with friends and I decline. The best part is, we were tied! HA Three weeks pass, and he comes to my job. I'd let him borrow a book, and he still hadn't returned it. He used that as an excuse to talk to me for at least two months. He would come in on Friday nights, follow me around while I was working, trying to get my attention. I'd just ignore him, but he would grab me and make me talk to him.. usually about the book, and then other things. We spent some nights hanging out (at the pub when I'd gotten off work).. but I was always very cold to him. Something else happened, and we got into an argument through text. He returned my book (finally, even though I'd never asked for it back or brought it up).. and was nice to me through text, but when he came around in person again, he was a monster. He would follow me around, stare at me, antagonize me, hit on my friend saying "will THIS make her mad?".. and just try his hardest to get my attention. I ignored him, as much as I didn't want to. I decided to get a new job after he took it too far one night. He came in, I was talking to a group of friends, and he joined the circle. I stepped away, then he made a scene because I was acting awkward. He then says to me "WE CAN BE FRIENDS, YOU KNOW!"... I just said "Okay..."... Then he talks to me like normal, bringing up the good times we had in the past. I told him I'd found a new job. That was the last I saw of him for 3 months. Everyone tells me he stopped coming in to my old job after that night. But on my birthday, I was there with my new boyfriend and he was there. He came up to me when I was alone and tried talking to me. "I heard you have a new boyfriend. Are you happy?"... I said yes, and then walked away. I've since seen him three times since then. Once at the bar across the street from where I live. I was with my new boyfriend, and I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back, he was gone from his seat. Two minutes later, he came out of the bathroom. As if he noticed I got up, and got up too. Typical. I am getting my old job back, and he saw me working the other night. So now he knows I'll be back there. And I saw him yesterday at the bank. He saw me at Walgreens across the steet, and immediately drove his truck from the bank to Walgreens. Coincidence? I do not know. So that's the story. I left out alot of details, believe it or not, LOL. I know it sounds complicated, and it is. I have since broken up with my boyfriend in case anyone is wondering. And I heard he has a new girlfriend, but who knows. I haven't seen her. I miss him so much and I've thought about him every day since I've met him. I usually get over men easily, but not this one. I felt like I had to cut him off to save my pride, and his actions are so confusing. I had to ignore him to make myself look better, as much as I didn't want to. Is there any way I can get him back, and does it sound like he is still interested? Did I make the right decision? What should I do? Thoughts of him consume my mind!!!!! I feel like its been long enough where the bad can be forgotten. That kind of chemistry only comes once in a lifetime. Thank you in advance for your input.
LuckyClover Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 OMG hahahaha Just keep flirting and everything will be the same again. And since all your time apart from him... we learn and understand more about ourselves and find that we are always; changing, or better words; revealing a New you. What not continue being you and if you feel like inviting him in... . well... then. Let him in. You don't need a crutch... you love you and if he does too he'll tell you too.
Author beachbum47 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Hi, thanks for reading. I know it's long but I had no idea how to shorten it without getting my point across.
pcplod Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I have read the whole thing, unfortunately. I have no specific points I would pick up on, as I might do usually. You want to fix this problem between you and him. However, you really need to fix the problem within. Otherwise I can't see how you can create any stable relationship for yourself, and I am ignoring the problems he clearly has himself, which you have probably uncovered by your behaviour towards him. Look you clearly have serious problems. You clearly know you have these problems. Yet do you really accept them as problems that can and will hold you back? Do you really accept that you need to address them, to actually do something about them? Personally, I think you ought to think about going back to square one, to get to the core of these issues and deal with them. For someone who is obviously a lot older and who has been through his own process, I can tell you for one that no matter how great you might be in so many other respects, I simply could not deal with you, nor, for that matter would I want to have to deal with you. You obviously are not crazy but you are certainly behaving in crazy ways. I could point out to you in what ways but I think you ought to get professional advice on it.
brandnew2 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It was interesting to read this story because it was very well written and the OP clearly is an educated, articulate woman. But her thoughts on the subject seem very immature. I guess infatuation does that to the best of us. The biggest sticking point for me is that you say at the beginning of your post that you still think he's the man of your dreams. Then you go on to describe some ridiculous man who resorted to childish behavior and essentially stalked you for months. How, again, is he the man of your dreams? Because you had a great time with him at first? Your story just reeks of a very typical teeny bopper sob story. And this is why I say that: You clearly wanted more with him than just sex. He probably really did like you and he also liked the challenge of trying to get in your pants so he stuck around for a while. But the rift was there. He didn't want as much as you did out of it. You didn't acknowledge it because you liked him oh so much. You confirm all of this by painting yourself as the villain to justify his actions. "I went all crazy girlfriend on him". So basically you couldn't hide what you wanted and he decided to jump ship for a while because he was starting to feel like you were giving off a "I want committment vibe" Don't blame yourself for this! It's okay to feel that way, and you deserve a man who won't resort to flakiness and game playing in that case. Predictably, you still met him out when he asked you and slept with him again. Exactly what he wanted. But surprisingly you did the right thing after that and came to your senses. You told him to stop seeing you and did a good job resisting him. Now it's his turn to be predictable: he starts visiting you all the time trying to get your attention. He definitely took it too far, and instead of using that to realize how immature he is, you're trying to hatch a plan to get him back! I know you had a wonderful time with him when you two first met. Men always put on their best behavior when they're trying to get laid. And after he got that, it was a very steep downhill slope from there. I promise it will never work out with him, he seems way too unstable and strange.
Author beachbum47 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Hi, thanks to all of you for reading this. Yeah, I know I have some problems... I think maybe I like the games. I get bored easily, unfortunately. And I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life. Actually, the time I met him at 1 AM, I had just started taking Zoloft so my head wasn't all there. He didn't know that though. And yeah, I do think he is unstable, and I can see how this whole thing sounds immature and childish. There were times where he did freak me out. But the whole time I was just hopelessly in love with him. I still am, and I can't help it. We are both young. I'm 25, a student and I work in the service industry. He is 27, college graduate, with a good job and a nice beach condo. We live in South Florida, where people really suck sometimes, and dating isn't easy. But as I said before, I do think I enjoy the games, and the anticipation of not knowing. And I think he does too. I ignored him because I thought it would bring him back to me. And in a way it did.. but everything got so messed up. I wish I had waited longer to sleep with him.... but it was too hard to do! Either way, I still want him back, LOL. I know he doesn't sound like a good guy, and I just hope enough time has passed where we could start over again. How to go about it.. I don't know though... and I know I should drop it but then he will always be on my mind even more. Thanks again!!
Treasa Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I think you're addicted to all the drama. This whole thing feels like a bunch of fireworks going off at the same time, and not in a good way. Plus, it sounds like he may have a girlfriend. You definitely need to work on your issues and let go of your baggage before you worry about being with any guy.
BradJacobs Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I don't think he ever got over you. His actions seem a bit stalkerish.
Author beachbum47 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Not sure if he does have a girlfriend, just heard that from someone. If so then I haven't seen her. And yeah I think I've always been a drama addict.. And I should work on myself, and I have been. Kevin, sorry you have depression. I know how that is. Not trying to condone drugs, but Zoloft helped me when I needed it. And yeah he does seem kinda like a stalker. But I only pretended to mind, lol. I think he may be just as confused as I am. I just wish he wasn't so cute. And he has the same favorite song as me, a song no one else knows. That's what made me really interested to begin with. And he's smart, funny, handsome... Other than the fact he can be a real jerk. Sigh.
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