alphax Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 So I was trying to move on and now I'm back in the want of my ex's comfort and love and that maybe I can do something rather than just NC. We had a good relationship and the best was when we spoke so much about family and children. However, due to several problems which I now realize clearly, I could never show her how ready I was for a family and for marriage. I was busy with several stuff and thought that right after I finish, it will be all about us. It was a snowball effect until I made her feel inadequate and uncared for. Whether it's because she loved me so much, or she cared for me, or she was too scared to be alone or the G.I.G.S. thing, she did not break up with me until she found someone else who took care of her and she moved in immediately with him. It happened extremely fast and she changed like I don't recognize her anymore. I doubt that it can work out for her with him, but knowing her, she'll keep it going for 3 or 4 years even. If she did not have him, she would go through the same thoughts that I'm having, and all the good things we had and that we can retrieve. Could I not give one last attempt at showing her this in some way? That if she wants to settle down and commit - whether with me or someone else, she needs to leave him and rebuild herself. I'm finding it extremely hard to move on because I was really ready for family, and now that I'm done with my busy stuff I just want to do that and all plans disappeared now. I just wish for us two to start re-building ourselves, meeting occasionally during the hard times and rebuild our relationship. If I do convince her to break up with him, she might need my comfort and might realize that we can overcome the problems. I just don't know in what way I could possibly approach her, after making several begging mistakes some weeks ago.
LinkWorshiper Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Your deal sounds kind of similar to the brick wall I just ran into with my man. We broke up and I was kind of under the impression we were rebuilding things from the ground up, though in retrospect I am realizing I should have kept our initial NC going much longer... couldn't help myself... just ran to him and we ended up spending time together again. Anyway, I thought things were going really well and that we were communicating and interacting even better than ever, and he had even gotten to a point where he had started flirting with me again, only for him to turn on a dime and get very distant. I asked him why and he told me he met someone, though he wasn't sure if he wanted to date her or if they would be friends and maybe the relationship would be too hard, he wasn't sure. I decided I had to put NC back into action after I explained to him why I wasn't okay with spending time with him while he didn't even know what the heck he wanted to do. Anyway, the reason I'm telling you my story is because every day I am realizing that my best chance of getting things back together with my love is to leave him alone. It scares me that he might get serious with this girl, even though things do sound really up in the air in that camp. But if you are around her (and this was the mistake I made), chances are she will lean on you for all the good things she looked to you for in your relationship, but then take it for granted and think maybe she doesn't need to have the responsibility of dating you to get all those good things. She has to miss you and not have you around so she can properly decide if she would rather have you there or not. How can you miss something that's not gone, you know? And in the worst case, she goes off with this dude, who even knows... she might just have to fall on her butt to really get the message. But help yourself to help your future, regardless of whether or not she is in it. At least, those are my thoughts.
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