Long Term Relationship-Hurting

[TheDollyLLama]

I have been lurking here for months, trying to avoid joining and spilling my feelings out to random strangers but at this point it's the only thing I feel will give me any comfort. I'll try and be as concise as possible.

 

We started dating when she was 16 I was 18. I had never had a gf but thought she was cute and thought I would try getting my feet wet when it came to women. For the first 2-3 years we were head over heels for each other, we did everything together, I ended up going to a community college near her so we could eventually go to school together (we did).

 

I think the relationship experienced its first rocky moment when she went off to freshman camp (by this time I was a junior transfer). She met a bunch of new people and a few guys in her group that she seemed to really like. She was on the college high and I could tell I was getting put on the back burner. Fast forward a couple months and she starts hanging out with a guy she met from camp, tells me how much I would like him, both have a lot in common blah blah. Long story short I could tell she was enjoying hanging out with this guy for reasons other than just friendship. I ended it with her but after two months we got back together and she apologized for getting caught up with new people, experiences etc. (she never did anything with the guy just hung out).

 

We dated again for about a year and a half and I fell in love all over again, a lot of guys will talk about how they made mistakes in the relationship, didn't treat her well etc. that didn't really pertain to me. I am a religious guy and have always tried to treat her like a absolute princess. Fast forward and I can tell she is pulling away again, her reasoning is she wants to work on her relationship with God and feels like I am in the way, she loves me but doesn't feel in love right now. We break up AGAIN. This time I made all the classic mistakes and begged and pleaded and tried to get her back of course to no avail.

 

I decided to try and move on and switched colleges to a town a couple hours away, kept up the NC for an entire year. At the end of a year, some friends throw a birthday get together for me in our home town and she comes. I can instantly tell she is still very attracted to me, we get dinner the next night and she confesses she has been thinking about me a lot and still loves me. Apologizes for the way she treated me when it ended the last time etc.

 

I was still wary of her intentions so I kept it casual for about a month until we finally started dating again. Now part of me still felt a little guarded and I could feel that in our relationship but it slowly started to fade as I began to trust her again. We dated long distance for 8 months until she graduates and moves to my town where we have a lot of (mutual) female friends and she gets a job. From the moment she moved here it felt weird, its hard to explain the emotion but I almost felt suffocated. I was still in school and working 50 hrs a week and she was also working her new job and getting adjusted to a new city/environment. Fast forward about 6 months and the relationship is very strained, we got annoyed easily at how we didn't have time to see each other, or really do anything "fun".

 

Eventually the relationship gets so strained we decide to take two weeks off and try and figure out what was going on (she thought counseling might help, I didn't). Two weeks go by and I start to miss her, when it's time to finally meet up and talk we hangout for a bit but its very strained. I called her the next day and she tells me she doesn't think we have "chemistry" anymore, and that we have both just grown into different people with different goals in life. She ends the conversation the same way she ends the last one "maybe one day we can still get back together".

 

It has now been 4 months since that conversation, no contact at all but there hasn't been a day thats gone by that I haven't thought about her. I know she has been hanging out with her female friends and even been on a few dates but it's killing me seeing her seemingly move on so quickly and having such a good time. I still care about her more than I ever thought I would care about someone. The only thing I can attribute this to is her experiencing GIGS.

 

Any input/comments/personal experiences would be so much appreciated. I am so tired of racking my brain, hearing someone elses perspective would be incredibly therapeutic.

 

Aside: We never slept together, maintained virginity, and she has never dated or kissed anyone but me. Relationship lasted a total of 7 years.

[rebe]

your story was some what same as I had seen with my acquaintances. I am going through a very hard time as well , the aside conditions are similar for my relation added my first n only relation ,but ur story is having some positive windows too not like mine with an ugly face, so the "may be" condition is still there on which u can still try to move a little bit ahead in your own life, give yourself a chance to live out of shadow of your own love for her, dnt force yourself to forget her ,it will not help ,believe me, but be yourself again work on your career, who knows you both get carried together again even if not it is worth trying. dnt get obsessed with your own love move on

[TheDollyLLama]

your story was some what same as I had seen with my acquaintances. I am going through a very hard time as well , the aside conditions are similar for my relation added my first n only relation ,but ur story is having some positive windows too not like mine with an ugly face, so the "may be" condition is still there on which u can still try to move a little bit ahead in your own life, give yourself a chance to live out of shadow of your own love for her, dnt force yourself to forget her ,it will not help ,believe me, but be yourself again work on your career, who knows you both get carried together again even if not it is worth trying. dnt get obsessed with your own love move on

 

Thanks for taking the time to respond