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WTF IS THIS?! Need to vent my frustration/confusion

StrongLass

By StrongLass
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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StrongLass Established Member

StrongLass

Posted
Posted (edited)

I figured it was only a matter of time till I had to post some kind of S.O.S about this on here *sigh* I will try my best to make this as brief as possible while maintaining accuracy.

 

I met ‘Dan’ in my early college years. We went from being acquaintances to friends to best friends/ me having unrequited feelings for him for the last half year or so before we started dating ( I was 20, he was 27). We dated for 3 years.

 

When we first got together he broke up with me over the phone after a couple of months saying that he didn’t want me getting kicked out of my parents’ place because of him. (They didn’t like him at all, partly due to our age difference) A week of NC for both of us later after he texted me asking if “I could talk, only don’t tell the family?”

 

After a week of us hanging out/ reestablishing contact we were officially seeing each other again, except my family had no idea. We kept it that way. I had dated other guys before him but he was my first physically.

 

After I graduated in June 2012 I moved back to the eastern US to live with my parents again. They had moved away after my sophomore year of college, leaving my brother & I in a small 2 bedroom apartment so that we could both finish our educations out west. (My toxic relationship with them is worth a WHOLE ‘nother thread, Dan has some toxicity issues with his family as well)

 

For 9 months I looked for ALL kinds of work out east while maintaining a LDR with Dan through email, phone calls & skype. When I found a full time manual labor job early April (that laid me off at the start of this June due to financial struggles >.< )

 

I made sure that we had time to skype each other for at least 3 hours, 2 nights a week on my two days off (he worked early shifts & I was 3 hours ahead in time zones) and that I called him almost every day after work so that I could at least leave him a sweet voicemail to listen to later if he was working/in class and thus couldn’t answer.

 

There was some talk about me flying out to see him a couple times, but due to the priority of job searching for him (he was set to graduate soon) and me (still looking for work & too poor to afford a plane ticket) it never came to pass.

 

Around April 19th he got on Skype saying that he had “met someone” and wanted to “see how this goes”. We had entertained the idea of our relationship being an ‘open’ one when I first left but that’s not how things had been working for those 9 months AT ALL. Up until this point we had been talking about marriage, kids and the whole ten yards.

 

At the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think “NO chick starts hanging out with a dude she’s interested in with the intention of being second fiddle, this is the beginning of the end.”

 

I never begged, but I admit I did try ‘bargaining/debating’ with him for four days before he dumped me officially April 25th citing the SAME things that he did the FIRST time (family’s disproval) in addition to the ‘other chick’ reason + our current distance. By the way? He had met her in late MARCH and had been hanging out/ talking with her/ meeting her mom for at least a week before he told me any of this.

 

He said he still wanted to be friends. I sent him a short email in reply to his latest message to me saying that being friends wasn’t what I wanted for us & that he wouldn’t be hearing from me if he didn’t want to be with me. He replied back sticking with his decision saying he understood if we couldn’t be friends for a while. I immediately went into strict NC.

 

Then he emailed me again. And again.

 

They were all just brief messages with updates about his life/wanting to talk to me/ “I miss you” so I finally blocked his address about a week ago. I wish I had done it sooner. :laugh:

 

Counting emails (before I blocked his address) texts & phone calls, he’s reached out to me around 20ish times at this point.

 

He always ends these messages with “I love you, friend” (which made me mad as he11 the first few times this happened) and the last time he called me he started the message with “It’s been almost two months since I’ve heard from you...I don’t blame you”. The one he left yesterday mentioned that he’d love to talk to me & would try again “in a couple weeks.”

 

I haven’t responded/replied to ANY of this, I’ll have been strict NC for 2 months officially in 3 days and I have no intention of caving now.

 

I guess I’m not sure what I’m really asking for...I feel that I’ve accepted the reality that the best thing for me would be to continue moving on (we’d both need to put in a lot of work if we were to ever make a relationship between us work)

 

I would especially appreciate any feedback from guys who have done/this are doing this (shame on you! lol) or women who have had to deal with this in the past.

 

There’s just still a tiny part of my heart that still thinks this is all so surreal...just....WHY?? Why would he act like this?

 

Penny for your thoughts fellow LS-sers? :bunny: Take your time, I'll be figuring out how to block numbers on my phone...

Edited by StrongLass
athousandquestions Established Member

athousandquestions

Posted
Posted

lol this guy is trying to mess with you. You're doing the right thing blocking him and trying to move on :) you seem like you're doing really strong/well with NC!

 

My ex did a similar thing, in the sense that he ended things with me and then continued to initiate contact (even when ignored). All you can do is continue to ignore them. They are trying to get used to life without us, and 'ease' themselves out of the breakup.

 

Screw that, the breakup was your decision, I'm not making your transition smooth. NC all the way :laugh:

  • Like 1
flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
I figured it was only a matter of time till I had to post some kind of S.O.S about this on here *sigh* I will try my best to make this as brief as possible while maintaining accuracy.

 

I met ‘Dan’ in my early college years. We went from being acquaintances to friends to best friends/ me having unrequited feelings for him for the last half year or so before we started dating ( I was 20, he was 27). We dated for 3 years.

 

When we first got together he broke up with me over the phone after a couple of months saying that he didn’t want me getting kicked out of my parents’ place because of him. (They didn’t like him at all, partly due to our age difference) A week of NC for both of us later after he texted me asking if “I could talk, only don’t tell the family?”

 

After a week of us hanging out/ reestablishing contact we were officially seeing each other again, except my family had no idea. We kept it that way. I had dated other guys before him but he was my first physically.

 

After I graduated in June 2012 I moved back to the eastern US to live with my parents again. They had moved away after my sophomore year of college, leaving my brother & I in a small 2 bedroom apartment so that we could both finish our educations out west. (My toxic relationship with them is worth a WHOLE ‘nother thread, Dan has some toxicity issues with his family as well)

 

For 9 months I looked for ALL kinds of work out east while maintaining a LDR with Dan through email, phone calls & skype. When I found a full time manual labor job early April (that laid me off at the start of this June due to financial struggles >.< )

 

I made sure that we had time to skype each other for at least 3 hours, 2 nights a week on my two days off (he worked early shifts & I was 3 hours ahead in time zones) and that I called him almost every day after work so that I could at least leave him a sweet voicemail to listen to later if he was working/in class and thus couldn’t answer.

 

There was some talk about me flying out to see him a couple times, but due to the priority of job searching for him (he was set to graduate soon) and me (still looking for work & too poor to afford a plane ticket) it never came to pass.

 

Around April 19th he got on Skype saying that he had “met someone” and wanted to “see how this goes”. We had entertained the idea of our relationship being an ‘open’ one when I first left but that’s not how things had been working for those 9 months AT ALL. Up until this point we had been talking about marriage, kids and the whole ten yards.

 

At the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think “NO chick starts hanging out with a dude she’s interested in with the intention of being second fiddle, this is the beginning of the end.”

 

I never begged, but I admit I did try ‘bargaining/debating’ with him for four days before he dumped me officially April 25th citing the SAME things that he did the FIRST time (family’s disproval) in addition to the ‘other chick’ reason + our current distance. By the way? He had met her in late MARCH and had been hanging out/ talking with her/ meeting her mom for at least a week before he told me any of this.

 

He said he still wanted to be friends. I sent him a short email in reply to his latest message to me saying that being friends wasn’t what I wanted for us & that he wouldn’t be hearing from me if he didn’t want to be with me. He replied back sticking with his decision saying he understood if we couldn’t be friends for a while. I immediately went into strict NC.

 

Then he emailed me again. And again.

 

They were all just brief messages with updates about his life/wanting to talk to me/ “I miss you” so I finally blocked his address about a week ago. I wish I had done it sooner. :laugh:

 

Counting emails (before I blocked his address) texts & phone calls, he’s reached out to me around 20ish times at this point.

 

He always ends these messages with “I love you, friend” (which made me mad as he11 the first few times this happened) and the last time he called me he started the message with “It’s been almost two months since I’ve heard from you...I don’t blame you”. The one he left yesterday mentioned that he’d love to talk to me & would try again “in a couple weeks.”

 

I haven’t responded/replied to ANY of this, I’ll have been strict NC for 2 months officially in 3 days and I have no intention of caving now.

 

I guess I’m not sure what I’m really asking for...I feel that I’ve accepted the reality that the best thing for me would be to continue moving on (we’d both need to put in a lot of work if we were to ever make a relationship between us work)

 

I would especially appreciate any feedback from guys who have done/this are doing this (shame on you! lol) or women who have had to deal with this in the past.

 

There’s just still a tiny part of my heart that still thinks this is all so surreal...just....WHY?? Why would he act like this?

 

Penny for your thoughts fellow LS-sers? :bunny: Take your time, I'll be figuring out how to block numbers on my phone...

 

you're second fiddle, you've already figured this out. don't be a backup sex plan.

  • Like 1
Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

Posted
Posted

Dan will regret letting a hot chick 7 years his junior go in time :-). Seek better..Open relationship? You deserve better. Keep ignoring..

  • Like 3
  • Author
StrongLass Established Member

StrongLass

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks to the three of your for your honest & kind feedback :o

 

Dan will regret letting a hot chick 7 years his junior go in time :-). Seek better..Open relationship? You deserve better. Keep ignoring..

 

I went out of town for a week & came back to ten missed calls, a handful of texts & three voicemails I haven't listened to yet. (My phone is so old it can't block numbers apparently o.O though I'm going to keep searching for solutions.)

 

He wants to know if he's "too late" and if I "want to talk" : :rolleyes: yep, you called it!

  • Like 1
ChasingCars Member

ChasingCars

Posted
Posted

*Popcorn*

In my next life, I wanna be like you. :D

 

You stay strong and know you are worth it!!

  • Like 1
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