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Can you still be in love with someone you don't want to have sex with anymore?

GG3

By GG3
in General Relationship Discussion

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GG3 Established Member

GG3

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I dated someone for about 5 years. We split up 2 years ago. The last few years of our relationship, I was already done. I just didn't want to have sex with him anymore. I know the reasons why...he drank too much and didn't treat me right which was a turnoff. He was already much older and wasn't aging well from not taking care of himself on top of gaining weight from drinking so much, so I was further turned off. We didn't like to do the same things and there was no compromise.

 

It took us a long time to become friends. It was not something I really wanted but I feel like he's become very important to keep in my life. He for a while hoped I would change my mind and want to get back together but finally accepted it. We meet for dinner sometimes. There is no flirting or talk about the relationship, just friends and good conversation.

 

I felt so DONE with him for a good 3-4 years now...then suddenly lately I feel like I miss him and can't wait to see him for dinner. We took a trip together on my birthday this year. We didn't have s*x and he didn't try. Just friends running around and hanging out.

 

The missing him actually has me upset. I wish we could hang out more. (I live an hour away.) I think about how at some point things will change and we can't always take trips together or hang out like this. One of us is going to meet someone and this won't fly. And I'm feeling so upset at the idea that I won't get to do those things with him anymore. He's my best friend and we've called each other that for a long time.

 

I'm starting to think that I'm in love with him again. But I still don't want to have s*x with him anymore. Is this possible?

hppr Established Member

hppr

Posted
Posted
I dated someone for about 5 years. We split up 2 years ago. The last few years of our relationship, I was already done. I just didn't want to have sex with him anymore. I know the reasons why...he drank too much and didn't treat me right which was a turnoff. He was already much older and wasn't aging well from not taking care of himself on top of gaining weight from drinking so much, so I was further turned off. We didn't like to do the same things and there was no compromise.

 

It took us a long time to become friends. It was not something I really wanted but I feel like he's become very important to keep in my life. He for a while hoped I would change my mind and want to get back together but finally accepted it. We meet for dinner sometimes. There is no flirting or talk about the relationship, just friends and good conversation.

 

I felt so DONE with him for a good 3-4 years now...then suddenly lately I feel like I miss him and can't wait to see him for dinner. We took a trip together on my birthday this year. We didn't have s*x and he didn't try. Just friends running around and hanging out.

 

The missing him actually has me upset. I wish we could hang out more. (I live an hour away.) I think about how at some point things will change and we can't always take trips together or hang out like this. One of us is going to meet someone and this won't fly. And I'm feeling so upset at the idea that I won't get to do those things with him anymore. He's my best friend and we've called each other that for a long time.

 

I'm starting to think that I'm in love with him again. But I still don't want to have s*x with him anymore. Is this possible?

 

Sure it's possible happens all the time.

 

I know plenty of guys who are in that sort of situation, they are married, take care of themselves, all of them are athletes whereas their wives have pretty much fallen apart because they don't put in the same effort, bad habits whatever. They still love their wives but they aren't attracted to them any more.

 

To me it doesn't look healthy but it is not my place to judge.

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SuperGeek Established Member

SuperGeek

Posted
Posted

Answer: NO

 

Dump them so they can find someone who WILL have sex with them and love them all the way. Someone who won't have sex with their partner has some deep issues with that person that are unresolved. Those issues need to be put on the table and discussed. If they can't be resolved, part ways. It's that simple.

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SuperGeek Established Member

SuperGeek

Posted
Posted

Those guys should leave the marriage then. Their wives have let themselves go and have decided not to care. Time to move on and find someone who does care so life can be enjoyed.

 

Sure it's possible happens all the time.

 

I know plenty of guys who are in that sort of situation, they are married, take care of themselves, all of them are athletes whereas their wives have pretty much fallen apart because they don't put in the same effort, bad habits whatever. They still love their wives but they aren't attracted to them any more.

 

To me it doesn't look healthy but it is not my place to judge.

SuperGeek Established Member

SuperGeek

Posted
Posted

Unfortunately, you just can't have it both ways. Not for the long term at least. You might be able to take trips and pal around for awhile, but eventually YOU will likely meet another guy and you will write him off at that point and he will get hurt again. He might meet another girl too, but statistics alone predict that you will meet a guy first.

 

You made your decision to break up with him. So do it already and stop riding the fence and dragging this out. It's not fair to him. You don't get to have the emotional intimacy if he doesn't get to have the sex. It doesn't work that way, not after you've been together so long.

 

Just my my opinion of course.

 

The missing him actually has me upset. I wish we could hang out more. (I live an hour away.) I think about how at some point things will change and we can't always take trips together or hang out like this. One of us is going to meet someone and this won't fly. And I'm feeling so upset at the idea that I won't get to do those things with him anymore. He's my best friend and we've called each other that for a long time.

 

I'm starting to think that I'm in love with him again. But I still don't want to have s*x with him anymore. Is this possible?

A O Established Member

A O

Posted
Posted

To answer the title - absolutely although I 'm talking about exes ere and not someone I'm currently or recently being with.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted
I'm starting to think that I'm in love with him again. But I still don't want to have SEX with him anymore. Is this possible?

 

It's not fair to him. You don't get to have the emotional intimacy if he doesn't get to have the sex.

 

^^^ Yes.

 

Just another iteration of the "let's just be friends" routine that women seem to want after dumping a guy. You're enjoying his attraction and feelings for you, getting him to meet your need for intimacy, dangling the possibility of meeting his needs, keeping him stuck in your sphere, when you have no intention of ever reciprocating with what he really needs... a full and satisfying relationship. And the second a man comes along who makes your pussy wet you'll set him on the curb like last Sunday's newspaper. Do him a favor and set him free.

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SuperGeek Established Member

SuperGeek

Posted
Posted (edited)

... but they are TOGETHER....

 

The OP wants to string her EX along for emotional support with no intentions of EVER being with him. As soon as she finds another guy, she's going to drop this guy like a used yesterday's newspaper ( btw so eloquently stated above).

 

The OPs situation and a married couple in their 90s is not even in the same ballpark in terms of comparison.

 

A married couple in their 90s probably still love each other, but most likely no longer have the desire to have sex with each other.
Edited by SuperGeek
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GG3 Established Member

GG3

Posted
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Posted

Just wanted to say this guy is not a victim. For years we had NO emotional relationship and he treated me like crap. So I'm not "stringing him along." I'm talking really bad things such as taking all my money. He has treated me a lot nicer as a friend than he ever did as a gf and he admits he has an issue with treating women like crap when he is dating them...yet treats friends like gold.

 

On one occassion we did get back together and he went right back to treating me badly which is why I don't see us getting back together as a possibility or good idea.

 

For years I was at his feet giving everything he wanted and he used me and put me down. If we got back together I guarantee he'll just do it again. I have told him I see no future with us anymore. He is completely aware of this.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted
Those guys should leave the marriage then. Their wives have let themselves go and have decided not to care. Time to move on and find someone who does care so life can be enjoyed.

 

 

Hold on...Its not so easy!!

 

This is my situation 100%...I have decided to divorce, but frankly I do have a lot of guilt and pain over it..She is a GOOD, loyal and honest woman and a great mother..I have tried everything..We just arent "on the same page"..so to speak...It the most frustrating thing in the world..

 

I have met some women that i was attracted to sexually, but frankly couldnt hold a candle to my stbxw in terms of integrity, honor and dignity. Its as painful as anything..Its VERY hard to find a GOOD woman. There are a lot of flakes and lying, lazy POS women out there..

 

I hope I live to not regret this decision...:lmao:

 

TFY

  • Like 1
TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
Posted

You're right, it's not that easy.

 

But neither is living in an incomplete partnership. I've seen a sexless marriage and a sexless relationship. They were awful.

 

It's not easy, and because its not easy, I have weird ideas about this stuff. In situations like that, the partner who isn't "doing their duty" needs to either sack up and do so, or let their partner fulfill certain needs elsewhere.

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