GreySkyMorning Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I'm a complete wreck tonight. He texted me a week ago Monday, telling me that his life sucks, that his anniversary had been the day before and there was no celebration, that nothing had been done for him on fathers day and that he'd spent the day alone and upset and thinking about whether he'd made the right decision. Said that things had gotten really good between them for a couple weeks after she found out, but that now it was all back to the same bad relationship it was before. He even said that he felt like if they had a true connection, like we did and do (his words), then she would see that he is unhappy. What do you think I did? I let him vent to me, stroked his ego a bit, all that stuff, outta some stupid gratefulness that he was talking to me about real things again. By the end of the day, he lets it slip that they were going away on a nice beach vacation this week. So much for trouble in paradise. By Tuesday, he was back to his old self and his life was suddenly better. You think? Now that I've given you your ego fix and made you feel good? I think thats the most used he's ever made me feel! Its like he wanted to make sure I was still pining away for him and then all was fine for him again. I emailed him Saturday night before he left on his little romantic holiday to tell him I cannot be his friend. And that when he rejected my love and me, he turned his back on that friendship and any "connection" we may have had, that I was very sorry if he wasnt getting that emotional support and friendship at home, but that was his choice. I told him that I need friends too but he's proven without a doubt that he will drop me and my friendship on a dime to save his own self and I could never trust him again enough to count on him for any kind of support. I told him do not contact me at all while he is on this trip and that I just couldn't see myself talking to him ever again when he returns. This hurt too much. He chose who he wanted so he needs to depend on her for friendship, not me. So now tonight, I'm fighting with myself not to just text hello. WTH??? I KNOW better. I know I don't really want to. Why is this such a struggle tonight? I'm sure he's having a perfectly good time and not thinking about me for one second.
Goodbye Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Ugh, I feel your pain. You know what is right! Don't text! Tie your fingers up if necessary...you will get over this urge. 1
Author GreySkyMorning Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Y'all are right. I could change my number and then he couldn't text me. But how do I get this urge to contact him out of my head? And why is it there anyway when he's hurt me so much over and over? Shouldn't I have enough pride to shut the door on him by now?
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 The urge goes away eventually but it takes time. Even now (over 3 years later) there are times (although they are rare) I get that urge to share something with XMM that i know he would like and appreciate. But now i just smile and send some light and love to him and let it go. It's better but now gone completely. But I haven even thought about changing my number now even years later just because. It is probably a wise thing for you to do. 1
Author GreySkyMorning Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Ugh, I feel your pain. You know what is right! Don't text! Tie your fingers up if necessary...you will get over this urge. I won't text him. As much as I want to, my own ego is really stinging tonight. I keep making myself picture them on some nice beach somewhere being all loving with each other. I refuse to text him and make myself into the desperate woman crying all alone here for him (even if that IS what I feel like). 1
Author GreySkyMorning Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 The urge goes away eventually but it takes time. Even now (over 3 years later) there are times (although they are rare) I get that urge to share something with XMM that i know he would like and appreciate. But now i just smile and send some light and love to him and let it go. It's better but now gone completely. But I haven even thought about changing my number now even years later just because. It is probably a wise thing for you to do. I know that you're right about time. When we were in the deepest part of our relationship, I couldn't stand going for a couple hours without talking to him. We honestly texted an average of 400 times a day. I think our personal record was just under 800 in a day. Back then, I couldn't even imagine going a day without him. Then even right after everything happened in march, I would come here and read stories like yours of going years with no contact and I would sit here and sob at the thought. It does get easier every day though. I think the longest we've managed to go is nine days so far. What is inside of me that cant just let go? I do still love this man. As much as he's hurt me and his wife, why cant I just stop that and say enough? I get strong for a few days it seems and then I go backwards again.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You did great, standing up for yourself after all that you've been through with this guy. He made his choice, and he needs to stick to that choice; not continue to seek you out when he's feeling down, and thus, making you feel vulnerable and mixed up, all over again. Stay strong; stay NC, because end result is, he's not going to stop this pattern, otherwise. I don't know if he was aware he was hurting you, or not, but he'd be pretty damn stupid not to have some inkling on the matter. Focus on you. Keep yourself as busy as possible, and really soul-search on what it means to be happy. I think you'll find the answer is: "When he's entirely out of my life". No one can say for certain, of course. The choice is yours; I'm sure you will do what's right for you. 2
whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Grey, it's time to change your cell number. It'll hurt, but you're hurting a lot now. Which is the worse of the two evils? Hearing from him and having anxiety, heartache and pain or not hearing from him and dealing with letting go and letting yourself truly grieve the loss. This is your decision, do what you need to do and don't worry about him. He's fine. He is living life and you're hanging on to him, which in turn makes you miserable. 1
Pierre Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I'm a complete wreck tonight. He texted me a week ago Monday, telling me that his life sucks, that his anniversary had been the day before and there was no celebration, that nothing had been done for him on fathers day and that he'd spent the day alone and upset and thinking about whether he'd made the right decision. Said that things had gotten really good between them for a couple weeks after she found out, but that now it was all back to the same bad relationship it was before. He even said that he felt like if they had a true connection, like we did and do (his words), then she would see that he is unhappy. What do you think I did? I let him vent to me, stroked his ego a bit, all that stuff, outta some stupid gratefulness that he was talking to me about real things again. By the end of the day, he lets it slip that they were going away on a nice beach vacation this week. So much for trouble in paradise. By Tuesday, he was back to his old self and his life was suddenly better. You think? Now that I've given you your ego fix and made you feel good? I think thats the most used he's ever made me feel! Its like he wanted to make sure I was still pining away for him and then all was fine for him again. I emailed him Saturday night before he left on his little romantic holiday to tell him I cannot be his friend. And that when he rejected my love and me, he turned his back on that friendship and any "connection" we may have had, that I was very sorry if he wasnt getting that emotional support and friendship at home, but that was his choice. I told him that I need friends too but he's proven without a doubt that he will drop me and my friendship on a dime to save his own self and I could never trust him again enough to count on him for any kind of support. I told him do not contact me at all while he is on this trip and that I just couldn't see myself talking to him ever again when he returns. This hurt too much. He chose who he wanted so he needs to depend on her for friendship, not me. So now tonight, I'm fighting with myself not to just text hello. WTH??? I KNOW better. I know I don't really want to. Why is this such a struggle tonight? I'm sure he's having a perfectly good time and not thinking about me for one second. Unhappy people expect others to make them happy. Run for the hills, he sounds pathetic. His complaints have no base. 3
veryhappy Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You stay away by getting angry. Anger is your best friend. I had so much, it drowned the warm and fuzzy. His marriage improved for a while after she found out about you. What is he doing now? Fighting to be with you? No. So why bring you again in their life? Because your presence was the catalist to make things better. He talks to you, goes back to her, the dynamic does something for him, and he gets more from both women. Now...if you want to help his marriage at the cost of yourself, keep talking to him. You were the shock their relationship needed, and on some level he hopes to get that again. If his marriage had stayed as good as those weeks after dday, you wouldn't have heard from him, right? Why be available to a man who disposed of you and did it again? He is after all on a beach with his wife, celebrating their anniversary. 3
scatterd Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 This man is looking for ego boost from each of you. He loves you more when you give it and the feelings are strong. He loves his wife when he gets a ego boost and the feelings are strong. He will bounce back and forth as long as you both let him. You both deserve better then that. Work on building your self up and let him figure out where he can get his boost when wife is not doing it. When a person is confident and loves their self they do not need others to boost them. Do your self a favor and find a man that loves his self enough to give all his love back. Big hugs. 1
pest947 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 This man is looking for ego boost from each of you. He loves you more when you give it and the feelings are strong. He loves his wife when he gets a ego boost and the feelings are strong. He will bounce back and forth as long as you both let him. You both deserve better then that. Work on building your self up and let him figure out where he can get his boost when wife is not doing it. When a person is confident and loves their self they do not need others to boost them. Do your self a favor and find a man that loves his self enough to give all his love back. Big hugs. Couldn't have said it better myself
Recommended Posts