NC 1 Month in

[lostintheclouds]

So, to make long story short. My gf of a little over 3 years dumped me rightfully so after we got into a huge fight (alcohol fueled definitely). We have never really fought, so it was a big deal. This left her very much hurt and I still feel ashamed that I did something like that to whom I love. Anyways, she packs all my stuff and gives it to me and tells me I need to "win" her over...

 

I knew that there is simply no winning someone over. So, I fought it but at the same time went with it trying to "win" her over. This was a mistake, as I should have done NC earlier to let her heal over and for me to get my **** straight.

 

 

Yes, to this day I still regret it. But I feel that her being such a strong and independent woman would be over this and me completely already. I know I shouldn't make assumptions but it baffles me. It has been about 6 months since we have broken up, but only a month ago agreed to go our separate ways and focus on ourselves (I have done so and continue to do so after we broke up). I admit it, I had insecurities and was becoming angry. We were starting to drift about a month or two before hand. I didn't have my **** together and she was already independent, which caused her to be impatient with me. This breakup is not only a wake up call, but has allowed me to put more into myself and I have gotten to the point where I should be.

 

 

But back to the 1 month no contact. The month before NC she called me and we talked. She told me that she would see how the next few weeks went by before she could think about meeting me face to face. I know now that I shouldn't have pushed her to seeing her. The thing is that she would call me every so often to talk and tell me she missed me and what not, but then out of blue she doesn't anymore text me that she misses me or whatever. I have taken this as she is probably talking to a new man, which is fine because we are not together. However, a month goes by and I don't hear from her so I worry and ask if she is okay.

 

Then a month ago from today, she gave me a sort of nasty text after I sent her a letter/care package which was a little rough (what I wrote in the letter and yes I was wrong). Basically, she says that she appreciates the package, but to stop sending anything from here on out and that we need to do our own thing. This is a sign that she needs/wants to move on and heal or may be talking to someone else. So, I ask to speak with her for closure. I call and she answers and she is surprised to hear that I am fine and doing well. She sounds like she is a little upset, but I don't know if it was sincere or to make me feel bad.

 

She tells me she needs time to heal and I agree. I told her I respect her and that I am thankful got having an amazing past 3 years and some odd months with her. She tells me that she will always hold a place in her heart for me and that who knows that maybe a year or two down the road we may bump into each other and who knows what will happen.

 

It confuses the hell out of me because she said the same thing twice. The first time I didn't say anything and second time I said, "I guess.. maybe." Did I respond correctly to what she said? I was not angry or disrespectful throughout the whole phone call. She even asked why I couldn't be the way I am now back then.

 

More about me: I was already in shape and go to the gym regularly, so I just got into amazing shape. During the last few months, I have laid low and just focused on me. It was not until recently that I am back out and doing things for me. The other thing is that I have been feeling great and am not really sad (I feel like **** sometimes for feeling this way because what I did though). I also rediscovered how much of a good looking guy I am, so I am confident more than ever.

Edited June 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[lostintheclouds]

Reading over it sounds like I am heartless. To clarify things: I still do care and love my ex gf. While together, I basically treated her like a goddess. We were very much in love with one another. But I am just still baffled with the whole notion that she can say that maybe in a year or two that something can happen?

[athousandquestions]

Her saying "Maybe in a year or two we'll bump into each other" is her way of easing the guilt she is feeling for not wanting to be with you. It's the same as saying "let's just be friends". She's just saying it so she doesn't feel bad for ending things because MAAAYBE the stars will align and your heart will unbreak years from now and everything will be sunshine and rainbows.

 

She doesn't want to be with you right now, and yeah maybe in the future she will, but realistically why would you want to wait around and miss out on living your life when she may not come back?

[lostintheclouds]

Thanks for the reply,

 

I was figuring the same thing and I am not waiting around at all. For me, I have already accepted as us being done months ago to help me cope with all this. However, she does have girly fantasies/notions (movies like the notebook and whatever).

 

I confronted her about it before, which I shouldn't have.She did mention it a couple months ago.

 

But yes, I totally get what you are saying. I just like hearing other peoples opinions.

[lostintheclouds]

I am curious though. Who has had their ex say something the same or similar? I know many have had the whole lets just be friends or I don't know/maybe but not right now, but anything different?