l0ving_x Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I posted a while back talking about how my ex had broken up with me because of distance and he had to study hard. It makes me sad to say that I'm just another girl that fell into the loophole of a stereotypical scenario: he was actually cheating on me, and I was dumb enough to believe that he broke up with me because he "loved me". He lied for months (we broke up in March), telling me that he has no one else, and he kept contacting me because he wanted me to be his "best friend" like I was when we were together. But I was suspicious, and I did wrong by logging onto his email and found pictures of him naked with a girl. And I went on his facebook and saw that he had been looking this girl's name up periodically, and constantly over the course of a day even when we were together. I felt disgusted, what else could it be? He cheated on me. I couldn't even say anything because we had already broken up, but that was a sure sign that I needed to stop being his "best friend" because it left me thinking I could wait for him. But now I'm hurting so much. I'm angry, and sad, and just a plethora of emotions. I thought I was doing well, but it's so hard to think about even loving someone again, and I've closed myself off. I'm scared. I want him to be miserable, and it makes me sad because I know I'm a better person than this. But two and a half years, and he cheated on me? I'm so hurt.
Author l0ving_x Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 When will I ever feel not disgusted by dating again? ):
rosie9 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hey I'm sorry this happened to you. In a way I'm kinda going through the same thing. My ex broke up with me in March as well, giving me cliche reasons like "I'm not sure what I want anymore," "I can't handle being in relationship right now," and the typical "It's not you, it's me." I was naive enough to believe him. We were together for two years, I believed him because I was so in love with him. I then found out a week later he was going out with another girl and then about two months later when I came back from college I found out from a mutual friend that he was cheating on me with her. Talk about a slap in the face. Quite honestly, this whole situation made me completely lose faith in men. I can't believe he did that to me and I'm in no way ready to be in another relationship, let alone date. Of course people will tell you not all men are like that, and they're right. But when you're hurt as much as you were it's hard to accept that because you were betrayed by someone you thought was completely in love with you, only to go behind your back and treat you like crap. I can't say when you will not feel disgusted by dating again. I think you're just in shock that this happened. With time you'll slowly begin to move on from this and find someone who is going to treat you right. I know you're hurt but in time things will get better. Believe me, when I went through the initial break up I thought I'd never be happy again. I'm slowly making steps to becoming happier. I'm progressing and I've made some positive changes in my life. There are times when I think about him and them together and I break down and have a moment of weakness. Some days are better than others, but it's important to remember that you deserve better than that. You deserve to be with someone who is going to cherish you and treat you with respect. In time you will meet someone like that, but for now, work on healing yourself and making yourself happy again 2
Author l0ving_x Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Oh my goodness. We really are practically going through the same thing! Even with the whole cheating scenario! What did you do to improve your life? I'm doing my best to try and distract myself, but I still get moments of weakness like you do. I know things will get better, but the hurt part of me can't seem to get better at all. And is it bad that I want him to be absolutely miserable? I want him to regret ever letting me go, and I don't want him to be happy unless I am (I'm horrible, aren't I?). ):
rosie9 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 No you're not a horrible person because if I'm going to be completely honest I feel the same way. I just don't think it's fair that I was miserable for months, crying myself to sleep, thinking I wasn't good enough, spending so many days by myself drowning in my sorrows and eating waaaaaaay too many oreos while he was already in another relationship, having fun and acting like nothing happened. It's not fair that I got the blunt end of the stick and he's having a great life. So I agree with you when you say you want him to feel miserable. I at least want him to feel what I'm feeling at some point. He absolutely deserves to know and feel what I went through because of how he treated me. And I can't wait for the day when I have a new boyfriend and we happen to to be in the same place and he sees us together. That makes me sound like a total bitch, but I already saw him and his new girlfriend together so I don't really care at this point. When the break up happened I didn't even try to make myself happy. I was at college and I didn't have my friends or family there for me so it was really hard. People kept telling me to do things to get my mind off of it but I knew there was no point because I needed to get my emotions out. So I cried for weeks and weeks. I would shut myself out from interactions and just be alone all the time because I didn't want to pretend to be happy in front of others. It was my first relationship and it ended in such a terrible way. When I came home from college I still locked myself in my room and cried all the time. My parents and friends had to kinda slap me into shape and say that being by myself and moping around the house wasn't going to accomplish anything. So I started hanging out with my friends and even met a lot of new people that I love being with. We do everything from sleepovers, trips into the city, movie nights, aimless nights just driving around listening to music and acting silly. Just go out and have fun, it seriously is the best way to get your mind off of it. I'm starting to work out and eat healthy and improve my body. I'm watching a lot of movies and discovering new music. I'm even attempting to learn how to play the ukulele. I've noticed whenever I'm alone is when I have my moments of weakness. After spending hours on facebook, tumblr, and youtube, I start to get lonely and think, "Him and her are probably on a date right now," or "I bet they're cuddling on the couch watching a movie," and it's those moments when I get really upset. The hurt part of you may seem like it won't get better, but that's because you were hurt really bad. It wasn't just a break up for us, it was that on top of cheating and being lied to, which just makes it ten times worse. It might take a longer time for us to get over it and that's okay. Take all the time you need to let your emotions out and move on. There's no time limit. Things will get better, we're in the same boat and there are days when I feel like they won't get better but after spending time with friends and family and doing things to improve yourself, you'll slowly start to feel better. And it's also important to let everything out. Talk to your friends, let them know what you're thinking, cry, scream, curse, do everything. Just don't keep it in because that will hurt you. Sorry if this is so long, I tend to go on rants
Author l0ving_x Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Oh my goodness you're going to make me cry :') You're right. When I'm not doing anything productive, I find myself digging deeper and deeper and running around in circles questioning "why would he do that?", "how can i get revenge?", "is he unhappy?". And then I start crying because I realize that he could be having fun - but I know that I'm a better person than he is! I want him to regret what he did. Do you think he will? Do you think your guy will regret what he did? I really hope they both do. I know really letting go means not caring whether or not he regrets it, but getting to that point seems so far away and almost not there. I need to go out and have some fun! I agree. But the circumstances surrounding me currently is making my life seem at a standstill. I'm transferring schools so all my friends are back in college and I'm 3000 miles away. And all my close friends at home (I'm transferring back home) are back at their colleges for summer school. Man, I'm trying my hardest to hit up people I haven't talked to in years because I'm so desperate to distract myself. But at the same time, this alone time might be good right? If I can get past this struggle even when I'm alone, maybe it'll make getting over him once school starts and I meet so many new people much easier! Sigh, I wish this didn't happen to us. Nobody deserves this. I believe in karma so I'm pretty sure they'll get punished. We may have gotten hurt now, but hopefully the concept of cheating is a double edged sword, and they end up kicking the floor and regretting such beautiful people.
Author l0ving_x Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Oh my goodness you're going to make me cry :') You're right. When I'm not doing anything productive, I find myself digging deeper and deeper and running around in circles questioning "why would he do that?", "how can i get revenge?", "is he unhappy?". And then I start crying because I realize that he could be having fun - but I know that I'm a better person than he is! I want him to regret what he did. Do you think he will? Do you think your guy will regret what he did? I really hope they both do. I know really letting go means not caring whether or not he regrets it, but getting to that point seems so far away and almost not there. I need to go out and have some fun! I agree. But the circumstances surrounding me currently is making my life seem at a standstill. I'm transferring schools so all my friends are back in college and I'm 3000 miles away. And all my close friends at home (I'm transferring back home) are back at their colleges for summer school. Man, I'm trying my hardest to hit up people I haven't talked to in years because I'm so desperate to distract myself. But at the same time, this alone time might be good right? If I can get past this struggle even when I'm alone, maybe it'll make getting over him once school starts and I meet so many new people much easier! Sigh, I wish this didn't happen to us. Nobody deserves this. I believe in karma so I'm pretty sure they'll get punished. We may have gotten hurt now, but hopefully the concept of cheating is a double edged sword, and they end up kicking the floor and regretting such beautiful people. regretting losing such beautiful people*
rosie9 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm not sure if they'll ever regret what they did. I hope with all my heart they wake up one morning and say "Damn I threw away a great relationship, what the hell is wrong with me?" but we'll never know if that will happen unless they tell us. I don't expect to ever hear from him again in all honesty. He's a year younger than me and the last time I talked to him was a couple weeks ago when I unfortunately broke no contact and texted him on his graduation night and congratulated him as well as wished him luck at college. We proceeded to talk for a little bit but then he never responded to my last message so I swore to myself that I would never initiate contact with him ever again. He was the one who dumped me, lied to me and wanted me out of his life. If he wants to talk to me, he'll do so. I've actually taken a complete setback and have gotten back into my old ways. I've been spending a lot of time in my room by myself and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've cried in the past week. I don't know what's gotten over me but even my friends are starting to take notice that something is seriously wrong. I've just never experienced this kind of hurt before. I never want to go through this ever again. I'm reluctant to enter into another relationship because I'm worried this will happen again. My one friend keeps telling me to meet up with him and tell him exactly what he did to me and how much he hurt me. She told me I need some sort of closure and it will help me move on. But I feel like he won't care and will just tell me to move on already. I'm nervous to do that but I want to just yell at him and make him feel like **** for once because that's how I've been feeling for months. I just really miss him. It feels like something is missing from me...it's been almost four months since the break up and I feel like I've only made a little progress but I'm telling myself to take all the time I need. There's no feeling quite like heartbreak and it sucks. A lot. But we need to try our best to move on and make ourselves feel better because we deserve to be happy. Once school starts again and we get back into a schedule, things will be easier. I'm transferring colleges so I get start all over again and make this year better than last. I plan on making new friends, having fun and getting him off my mind for good. Hopefully it happens.
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