jrar9394 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 (edited) I just got out of an almost three year relationship and I ended it after getting frustrated at him for not talking to me, I mean, he wouldn't even tell me when he was busy so I would worry about him until he finally texted back. I found out that he had been hanging out with his coworkers behind my back and he would get drunk with them. I found out by seeing a picture of him and another girl on Facebook. It was titled "faded, as you can tell" He has even cheated in the past, left me for another girl, lied about many things, and ignored me. Yet, after all of this, I still took him back because I loved him so much and I felt so alone without him. I know it was a terrible choice to take him back because he obviously doesn't care like I thought he did. So today, I broke down and texted him. He was being incredibly rude to me, saying that he has found another female friend and they're "super close and talk about everything" This obviously left me even more heartbroken than before and I regretted contacting him. He is now back to ignoring me and I'm trying to stick with the no contact rule again. I want him to want me back, but I don't want to get back with him. Like, I want him to feel like crap and I want him to beg for me to come back to him. I know that's terrible of me, but I feel like it would be easier to get over him since I would feel in power and in control if he was the one begging for me to come back. We have broken up in the past and he was asking for me back in a couple weeks after the break up, and I want him to do that again but I feel that this new girl "friend" that he has will replace me and help him get over me. I'm feeling incredibly lost and confused on how he'll react. Edited June 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs
Sarabi Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this. First of all, from now...start again counting day 1. Every time you break no contact you are starting the anger/hurt/grief/healing all over again and all your hard work from before has been erased. Next...You shouldn't be giving these people any airtime in your head. Its really hard, I know you want to believe that by thinking badly about him you are making yourself feel better(I think like this too) but you must try and stop it. It is only serving to make you feel bad...because you are still thinking about him and you need to be thining about YOU. Focus on you and your healing. He or this new girl of his might not even be happy...but who cares. Try not to lose any sleep over these people because it will just make you feel worse. Think about how YOUwill one day have a fabulous, loving, caring guy of your own. Focus on things that make you happy. Stop allowing them to take up space in your brain and your heart...it will come with time I'm sure
Sarabi Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 If he replies just ignore it and go about your business. You will feel empowered eventually even if you don't feel like it at first, especially as you say he was so cruel and rude to you when you did reply. Someone once saw me crying over a guy and said to me "you should never cry over a boy-they should be the ones crying over you"...so I tell you this: His heart should be breaking because he didn't appreciate you and lost something precious...not your heart breaking for him Sod him
Author jrar9394 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I just made the mistake of making him my everything and now that he's gone, I'm destroyed. He's such a jerk though and I don't understand why I'm so torn up about the break up because I'm WAY better off without him. I'm not sure how I'll respond if he ever does try to contact me again, especially since we are going to the same college in the fall. He's actually told me that he wanted to talk in person but I said no because seeing each other right now would just make everything worse.
Author jrar9394 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 If he replies just ignore it and go about your business. You will feel empowered eventually even if you don't feel like it at first, especially as you say he was so cruel and rude to you when you did reply. Someone once saw me crying over a guy and said to me "you should never cry over a boy-they should be the ones crying over you"...so I tell you this: His heart should be breaking because he didn't appreciate you and lost something precious...not your heart breaking for him Sod him He even told me that he regrets losing me.. But I don't even know what's true and what's a lie because he has lied about so much.
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 you dumped him and you wanted him to beg you to take him back?
Author jrar9394 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 you dumped him and you wanted him to beg you to take him back? Yeah. And he texted me yesterday telling me that he wants to be with me again. And that he isn't willing to get over me. I know he is probably saying these things to try to keep me around but I'm done. Not going to reply. And the reason why I wanted him to come back and ask for me back, it's because it makes me feel better knowing that he is miserable without me and that he realizes what he lost. That's messed up on my part, but it's the truth. But every day is getting better and I refuse to let him have control over my happiness any longer. Did I answer your question?
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Yeah. And he texted me yesterday telling me that he wants to be with me again. And that he isn't willing to get over me. I know he is probably saying these things to try to keep me around but I'm done. Not going to reply. And the reason why I wanted him to come back and ask for me back, it's because it makes me feel better knowing that he is miserable without me and that he realizes what he lost. That's messed up on my part, but it's the truth. But every day is getting better and I refuse to let him have control over my happiness any longer. Did I answer your question? What's messed up is you didn't kick him out of your life THE FIRST TIME he cheated on you. That's a relationship ender FOR MOST people. You need to work on your self esteem girl. There's plenty of guys out there LOOKING for a relationship with a woman. Get your pride and self respect back and tell that guy to F-off, it's over and don't contact you again. Then ignore him and find a guy thats not a selfish dick.
forgetmenot75 Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 You are playing a sick game here, and you know you'll be back with him tomorrow, or next week. you admitted you made him "your everything". You want him to feel bad for partying without you, but you know this is temporary. what you don't realize is that you are his doormat. you have no power whatsoever, and he knows he can do whatever he wants, you'll accept him back in the end. Stop lying to yourself. If you really wanted him out of your life, you'll be acting differently. Now you feel good because he came to you, regretting all he's done, but you too have a sick relationship, and you are his doormat. 1
flitzanu Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Yeah. And he texted me yesterday telling me that he wants to be with me again. And that he isn't willing to get over me. I know he is probably saying these things to try to keep me around but I'm done. Not going to reply. And the reason why I wanted him to come back and ask for me back, it's because it makes me feel better knowing that he is miserable without me and that he realizes what he lost. That's messed up on my part, but it's the truth. But every day is getting better and I refuse to let him have control over my happiness any longer. Did I answer your question? yeah and you answered the followup as to why it matters so much since you dumped him, you shouldn't be worried about him.
Author jrar9394 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 You are playing a sick game here, and you know you'll be back with him tomorrow, or next week. you admitted you made him "your everything". You want him to feel bad for partying without you, but you know this is temporary. what you don't realize is that you are his doormat. you have no power whatsoever, and he knows he can do whatever he wants, you'll accept him back in the end. Stop lying to yourself. If you really wanted him out of your life, you'll be acting differently. Now you feel good because he came to you, regretting all he's done, but you too have a sick relationship, and you are his doormat. That probably helped me the most and now I feel a lot better. You're right about everything you just said. Thank you I just have to accept how it really is, even though the truth hurts. I agree with you that I'm his doormat but I won't be anymore. And no, I won't get back with him because I know I deserve better. But thank you again.
Author jrar9394 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 yeah and you answered the followup as to why it matters so much since you dumped him, you shouldn't be worried about him. I used to be worried about him all the time because when he is overwhelmed with life and/or when he's mad/upset, he makes incredibly stupid choices and I was the one that tried to stop him. But when I was talking to my friend about this, she made the point that I can't help people if they're not willing to take it, and that I need to get out of this relationship because its poisonous to me. I know that I can't help him because he won't let me. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, and he likes to blame everything on me. Our whole relationship was basically just me trying to help him straighten out his life, but it didn't work and that was what upset me most about this break up. But I'm done trying to help people when they won't accept my help, it just hurts me in the end because I feel as if I failed them.
flitzanu Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I used to be worried about him all the time because when he is overwhelmed with life and/or when he's mad/upset, he makes incredibly stupid choices and I was the one that tried to stop him. But when I was talking to my friend about this, she made the point that I can't help people if they're not willing to take it, and that I need to get out of this relationship because its poisonous to me. I know that I can't help him because he won't let me. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, and he likes to blame everything on me. Our whole relationship was basically just me trying to help him straighten out his life, but it didn't work and that was what upset me most about this break up. But I'm done trying to help people when they won't accept my help, it just hurts me in the end because I feel as if I failed them. you didn't fail anyone. you should take time to work on NOT feeling that way. there's sadly nothing you can do to "fix" anyone or force them to walk a better path. if he's a self-destructive moron, then it's better that you walked away so you don't get caught in the wake. 2
hoping2heal Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Someone may have never told you this before, so I'm going to take the liberty to do it now. There is a world where relationships exist that don't involve neglect, cheating, disrespectful behavior, or vindictiveness. It's a magical place where trust can be built and love can be honored. You don't have to settle for a crapshoot of a relationship like you've just described, like you've done before. 3
Author jrar9394 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Someone may have never told you this before, so I'm going to take the liberty to do it now. There is a world where relationships exist that don't involve neglect, cheating, disrespectful behavior, or vindictiveness. It's a magical place where trust can be built and love can be honored. You don't have to settle for a crapshoot of a relationship like you've just described, like you've done before. Yeah, well this is my first REAL relationship so my mistake for not having the experience to know what to do in certain situations. And I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I deserve anymore.
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