sadgirl101 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I just broke up w/ my bf of 6 months...everything was amazing, but then he was going through a weird time with some stuff in his personal life last week and when we saw each other over the weekend i could tell something was wrong. he canceled the last two times we were supposed to see each other but told me that he still liked me and that he was sorry he was acting weird. on tuesday i told him that i didn't think it was working out...he told me that he didn't know how he felt but that he thought his "feelings had changed" very quickly and that he didn't want to string me along or give me false hope. he said that if i hadn't brought it up he would've waited until this coming weekend to see if he could try to get back to normal. i don't think his explanation about his feelings changing so suddenly was a cop-out. however he also kept saying that i hadn't done anything wrong and that he still liked me and that it was extremely hard for him to do and that he wasn't sure it was the right choice but he was trying to follow his heart. he also said to get in touch if i wanted because the idea of never talking to me again was awful. obviously i'll never know if the other stuff in his life had anything to do with this decision, and he did seem pretty final...but if he has a chance to get some distance do you think there's any chance he might change his mind?
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I just broke up w/ my bf of 6 months...everything was amazing, but then he was going through a weird time with some stuff in his personal life last week and when we saw each other over the weekend i could tell something was wrong. he canceled the last two times we were supposed to see each other but told me that he still liked me and that he was sorry he was acting weird. on tuesday i told him that i didn't think it was working out...he told me that he didn't know how he felt but that he thought his "feelings had changed" very quickly and that he didn't want to string me along or give me false hope. he said that if i hadn't brought it up he would've waited until this coming weekend to see if he could try to get back to normal. i don't think his explanation about his feelings changing so suddenly was a cop-out. however he also kept saying that i hadn't done anything wrong and that he still liked me and that it was extremely hard for him to do and that he wasn't sure it was the right choice but he was trying to follow his heart. he also said to get in touch if i wanted because the idea of never talking to me again was awful. obviously i'll never know if the other stuff in his life had anything to do with this decision, and he did seem pretty final...but if he has a chance to get some distance do you think there's any chance he might change his mind? sadly he's the only one that can answer that question. you should consider that as him dumping you. if you want to settle with being his friend, then go for it, but don't assume that being his friend is going to change his mind about anything.
Author sadgirl101 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Yeah, I think I'm just going to give him his space and see if he gets back in touch. I don't think there's anything else I can do.
scorpio1978 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 We make the mistake of wanting to be friends with someone in hopes that they will come around and see us in a different light. You don't want to be away from him, so you do the next best thing which is be his friend. You're still in his life that way, right? The bad thing about that is you set yourself up for failure. If you are his "friend", he will never have the time away from you that is needed to miss you and wonder how you are, what you're doing, etc. You also run the risk of seeing him date others while you wish that was you. Please do yourself a favor and disappear from his life. Let him think about you, wonder what you are how you're doing and let him miss you if he will and come around on his own terms. trust me, I have been there. it's no fun putting all that work in as a so-called friend when you want more. It's hard to say if he will change his mind, but the only way to find out is go no contact and see. Move on with your life, let him do the same and see what happens. You will be kicking yourself if you don't 2
Author sadgirl101 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 thanks both of you for your responses - today i realized that he really did the best he could do for me, and if a guy comes right out and admits he doesn't deserve you, he's probably right. i am going to go totally NC and get on with stuff. i've already made a ton of plans with friends i neglected during our relationship for the coming week and i feel so much better. if this guy comes back into my life down the road, i'll reevaluate - but i just decided that i don't have time right now for someone who doesn't want to be with me, regardless of his reasons. 2
Ms.Logic Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Wait....you bailed because he was going through issues? He at least wanted to see if he could return to normalcy by the weekend before taking a break but you decided to jump ship. Please leave him alone for now. Let him sort himself out, and you need to sort yourself out too love. For the record, you dumped him, and now you feel terrible. Give it time.
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I agree with Scorpio. You need to disappear from his life. Let him miss you. Unless he re-approaches you with saying he made a big mistake and wants you back, I'd ignore him.
Author sadgirl101 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 I may have said I didn't think it was working out, but he is the one who said his feelings had changed and that he didn't want to string me along and that he couldn't see his feelings changing back. So.
scorpio1978 Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I may have said I didn't think it was working out, but he is the one who said his feelings had changed and that he didn't want to string me along and that he couldn't see his feelings changing back. So. Eh, don't get too tripped up on the details of it. I know it's hard to let it go right now, but I am so incredibly serious when I tell you that you will regret it and end up potentially looking like a fool as just his "friend". It is absolute torture seeing someone you want to be with move on right in front of your face. You don't want that to be you, so don't place yourself in a weird situation. You have a much better chance of getting him back by being NC. Not saying that you definitely will get him back, but the odds are more in your favor as NC as opposed to you being a "friend". He might see that desperation (and it is just that, no offense) and it will be really off-putting. I ended up making lunch for one of my exes a few times, being super nice, listening to his problems and he met a girl and is going to marry her. I had to watch that unfold and all my efforts went to waste and I looked and felt like a complete jackass. You're better than that. Move on!
Author sadgirl101 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 can i also just say...that doing NC is super hard and it is EVEN HARDER because i'm pretty sure he's doing it to me? trying to ignore someone who's already ignoring you feels so bad.
scorpio1978 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 can i also just say...that doing NC is super hard and it is EVEN HARDER because i'm pretty sure he's doing it to me? trying to ignore someone who's already ignoring you feels so bad. Oh, I know! It's the only way though and when you look at it, it's a win/win situation. If you move on and live your life to the best of your ability, you likely will meet someone else. WIN. Then, if you move on and he comes back around when you still want him. WIN again. It's even a little win if he comes around and you don't want him any more. I hate to make it a win/lose situation like it's a game, but it really is. It would be too early for you to go NC and him start pursuing you again, now. So it's actually a good thing he may be ignoring you. When I was going through this, I would get so pissed when somebody would say to me that I should move and I would meet another person. I swore they just didn't get it. I didn't WANT another person, so how could they say that to me? Clearly they didn't know how much I was hurting. If they did, thinking another would help me would not be an option, but people aren't saying this to dismiss your feelings or not understand you, they say this because it has been proven time and time again to be the most likely scenario. One day at a time, ok? Like a broken bone, a broken heart needs to heal too.
Author sadgirl101 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 One day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time...oddly the personal stuff I was talking about in the first post here was his recovery from a very serious substance abuse problem and the second anniversary of his sobriety and one day at a time is exactly what they tell people in AA.
Bozena Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 In general I agree with the NC, but when it comes to serious personal problems how can you say that he just didn't lose focus? In any case you never know how things will end up either by NC or as a friend. But in my opinion probably NC is better or at least once in a while contact since you remind him that you still exist. And you don't want to be the healer since healers are being dumped in the end. But then it also depends, I have an ex that I stayed there as his friends (at that time I wanted him) and now I can only see him as a friend while he wants us to be together. But that is life.
Recommended Posts