Fmf Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Ok so my ex gf and I dated for over 4 years we started when I was 14 she was 13, are first two and a half 3 years together were perfect some issues here and there but nothing out of the ordinary, at around our 3.5 little less mark I went to the local community college while she was entering her senior year of high school. At that point she started slowly pushing away from the relationship some of the time and then others almost trying to hard for it, it got to the point where she then found out she was going to be going away for college and we both agreed that we can try it, well about a week ago she broke up with me saying that she really loves me and everything but she just thinks we both deserve time to grow up on our own, she also said that she had been thinking for months on how it wouldn't work in college and all this junk. Most of my peers and family say her and I will probably meet up in the future, but I can't deside for my self if I even want her there, she lied to me for nearly a year about how she felt in a way it shows she doesn't care but in another way it shows she does I guess I don't know, THE real question is what should I do sorry for making it so long, if your going to be an ******* don't bother pissing your thoughts out on my thread!
scorpio1978 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Life changes so incredibly much while you are in college. it's your chance to be away from home, grow up, branch out and meet new people and truthfully, very few high school romances make it through the first year of college nowadays. I know it's tough, but you will have a whole new life ahead of you. You cannot possibly want it now because you don't even know what that is and what is in store for you. I think it's best that you try to move on and meet some new friends and perhaps some love interests as well. I think in the long run, having a relationship like this won't allow you to grow and have certain experiences that you should right now. I hate the cliché of "if it's meant to be, it will be", but in this case, it cannot be more true! Let her go and see what else is out there and you do the same. There is nothing wrong with tryin to see where you two are at with the relationship in a few months, but for now, focus on you.
Author Fmf Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I guess so I just can't tell like is it normal for women who care about you to lie to you about their feelings or is she just a long gone i might add that the whole breakup process wasn't really the best way to do things in my opinion
lostintheclouds Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You're young my friend and she is too. Don't think about things right now, because life is going to change so much. Yes, it is easier to tell you this and not to feel the way you do; however, a lot of young adults have been in your situation. Enjoy college as much as you can and stay on top of your studies.
scorpio1978 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It never is easy my dear. Break-ups suck. I hardly ever read of two people who mutually want it like "Hey, let's break up" and "Yeah, that's a great idea!" and move on like life is roses and daisies. Break-ups hurt sometimes. It goes both ways. Men do it too. Nobody will ever say "I am thinking about breaking up with you. Not sure yet, but I might". No, they mull it over, go on like life is the way it is until they are sure and then things end. Now, every relationship is not the same, but I think most people are pretty unhappy for a little while before they have the courage to end it. I encourage you to do your best to not focus on how it ended and why and what she was thinking and doing before hand. It happened and you need to process it the best you can. It will get better and when you start school and get into a routine, you're going to see what I mean. Your college years are supposed to be the best times for you to find yourself, have fun, make new friends and evolve. Oh, and get an education too. The best revenge (if you need it) is living well...
Author Fmf Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 It does suck but last night I went out with the object to get a girl to take my mind away, problem is I have been in a relationship so long I have absolutely no game when it comes to single chicks, I usually would talk to anyone but last night all my buddies are picking up girls but for some reason if get really close and my body would say no it just like wouldnt let me do it, any tips for transitioning back into single life especially when you don't know all the trends of being 18 19 and single....????
scorpio1978 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It does suck but last night I went out with the object to get a girl to take my mind away, problem is I have been in a relationship so long I have absolutely no game when it comes to single chicks, I usually would talk to anyone but last night all my buddies are picking up girls but for some reason if get really close and my body would say no it just like wouldnt let me do it, any tips for transitioning back into single life especially when you don't know all the trends of being 18 19 and single....???? Truthfully, the only way things like that seem to work is that it needs to come naturally and you are just not ready yet. Getting another girl will only temporarily help you. You seriously need to process what happened, take a breather and focus on you. Its not fair to some unsuspecting female that your prey on her for your own satisfaction and if you think you have no game just talking to people right now, you certainly wont feel like a rock start with another girl by hooking up. I say wait until you feel ready to date again and it comes naturally for you to talk to people. It shouldn't be "game", it should be fun. Go out with your buddies and observe your surroundings, see what it's like to be out as a free man and go from there.
Author Fmf Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 You are very helpful thank you! I do have one last question though, I know everything is based on fate and if it will happen then let it happen, but I have been thinking and truthfully hope one day she arrives in my life again her graduation party is today and I want to say something so bad but I refuse to contact her unless she contacts me, the moral of my story is there anyway I can increase my chances of seeing her again is there some sort of way to not lose complete contact with her, but without me actually contacting her like basically a way to increase my chances of hearing from her, sorry to keep you posting
Author Fmf Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 The thing that breaks me the most is that our relationship wasn't even bad her mom is all about the "college experience" which I don't disagree with but basically her mom pressuring her so much about this is the only reason it happened I feel like if we got together after college we would be for life... But the thing is I we both agreed we don't want to be strangers but idk how to make it work I'm all about the 4 years + of freedom sounds fun but I really would prefer an actual shot with her in more mature later years
scorpio1978 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 You are very helpful thank you! I do have one last question though, I know everything is based on fate and if it will happen then let it happen, but I have been thinking and truthfully hope one day she arrives in my life again her graduation party is today and I want to say something so bad but I refuse to contact her unless she contacts me, the moral of my story is there anyway I can increase my chances of seeing her again is there some sort of way to not lose complete contact with her, but without me actually contacting her like basically a way to increase my chances of hearing from her, sorry to keep you posting It's totally ok! To be honest, I don't think you can increase your chances in that sense. Trust me, she will be thinking of you in some fashion during her graduation party and more so when she doesn't hear from you. You just have to believe that. She may not tell you, but I can almost guarantee it. It won't change the fact that you two aren't together, but there will be a series of events in her life that will certainly make her think of you and the best way to even have hope of getting her back is to let her go. It sounds totally counterintuitive and it is, but it works. She cannot miss you if you are still there. Regarding her mother's influence, that may be a factor, but certainly not the only reason you two are broken up. There are so many people who go against their parents wishes and date people out of love and not care what anyone else thinks. She is a grown-up now. If she really still felt the same, she would still be with you. It's not your fault. She needs to grow up a little and you do as well and there is nothing wrong with that. Drop out of her life for a little and re-visit this again in the future if you need to. There is nothing wrong with say, after 3 months (and I am just throwing this out there) that you can shoot her a text or call, but seriously go absolutely no contact for now and see how you feel in a few months. You will find that you may actually feel less inclined to be with her after you start a new life at college. I encourage you to get out of where you live when you get there,. meet new friends, become active in clubs or sports or even hobbies and start a life for yourself. Then see how things feel after you start that process.
Author Fmf Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 I'm 18 she is 17 she saved my life from drugs so we grew weird into the partying stage kind of kept it from eachother ended up screwing us over in the end, she dumped me a week ago + she is leaving for college in a few months, just in the last week it seems her life is 10 thousand times better than it was the whole time we were together. I took for granted our relationship for sure, now I will do anything to get her back, she had a massive grad party last night and it killed me one not to be there and two not to say anything to her, I don't think she really cares because I think she just looks back at our relationship as a restriction which in a way it was but I would do Anythig to be able to be with her and let everything flow free and no restrictions I really want her back even though I know she probably talked **** about me all nightt especially while she was dancing with her nice new guy friends. What do I do I need help
Lani Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 You let her go. Your relationship served its purpose, and I'm so happy it did. But she's moved on from you, and you need to do the same. I feel that if she's stayed with you, she's always feel like she was the one keeping you off the drugs. She's grow to resent you for that and I think you both deserve better. You can do this
Author Fmf Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 That's not how it is I am going to get her back I'm sorry but that's not what is happening
Lani Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 That's not how it is I am going to get her back I'm sorry but that's not what is happening Do you deserve to have her back?
hoping2heal Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 That's not how it is I am going to get her back I'm sorry but that's not what is happening Earth to Peter Pan, Time to grow up. You can want to not let her go all you want. It won't change the fact that she doesn't want a relationship with you. You can't just carry around an iron skillet and bash people over the head, knock them unconscious and drag them around to follow your will. People aren't telling you to let her go to be mean. They're telling you that because life experience and wisdom says you're not likely to get her back.
Author Fmf Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 To be completely honest right this second.... I do not deserve her back, but in just the last week I have started the transformation that my body needed to appreciate her the way she does deserve, to be honest it is the hardest thing I have ever done but also I'm not taking this by sitting on the couch crying everyday I right down new things I think of that I did wrong or that didnt better our relationship, I know she is going away to college and honestly probably won't ever take me back, but for right now I'm doing no contact until I am completely satisfied and know that I have changed my self we had a break a few months ago but it was only a month and didnt change a thing, I don't care if this takes 6 months or a year I'm going to give it everything I have
Author Fmf Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 I know that no one is being mean in saying that I am not trying to be mean my self but just explain. That I drove away the best thing I could imagine and I'm going to work to improve and bring that person back no matter what I will probably give up one day but until then I am striving to be the best I can be not just give up
Lani Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I know that no one is being mean in saying that I am not trying to be mean my self but just explain. That I drove away the best thing I could imagine and I'm going to work to improve and bring that person back no matter what I will probably give up one day but until then I am striving to be the best I can be not just give up The important thing is to never give up on yourself. Whether you get her or not is irrelevant.
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