Girl I'm dating is sweet/affectinate at times & distant other times

[THEU52]

Hey guys been a while since my last post. Hope everyone is well.

 

I have a situation I need advice on at the moment. Sorry it's a bit long but I feel background is necessary to give best advice.

 

I've been dating this girl for a little over a month and want to be with her. The thing is she is extremely hard to read. One moment she's sweet & affectionate & the next distant.

 

I live in Miami & she is from here too only she studies at UF. I've treated her extremely well when she's down here. Always with respect, taking her to amazing dinners (ie Zuma, Prime 112, & Juvia), taking her to both Eastern Conference Finals and NBA Finals games (both lower level), and other thoughtful things. I've also invited her to my niece's 1 year old birthday & I know she had a great time.

 

She's even called me amazing & told me she's loved everything I've done for her. I though things were going well then she called me yesterday.

 

This girl is one of those that can't be away from her cell for more than 5 minutes w/o checking it. Anyway, she went with me to the Championship celebration in the AAA on Monday & afterwards we ate at the Mandarin Oriental hotel. Afterwards I drop her off & I told her, I'm sure I'll see you again before Saturday (we have a date for that day) & left.

 

Tuesday & Wednesday she spent at the beach with her family. I'm work during the day & study at night for the CPA exam so I usually text her when leaving work something to the effect of, "leaving office now, grabbing bite, then off to study. Talk to you during break." Tuesday I text her around 9ish. She responds, eating dinner with family will get back to you later. A couple of hours later she texts something to the effect of, staying overnight, can't talk, sorry . I say np, have fun & that was that.

 

Wednesday she texts me early & we talk a bit then I text her next when leaving work at around 6. She replies at 8 telling me she just woke up from nap, good luck studying, talk to you during break. I text her during break at around 9:30ish (my break) & I don't hear back til 11:20ish when she calls me. When she calls I jokingly ask her if she fell back asleep (she does that a lot when not in school). She says no, that her friend came to visit & they just came back from beer run. She they tells me that she had invited some friends over but most either didn't reply or said no due to it being a weekday & having work tomorrow. Mind you I never got an invite. I then tell her that it's dj irie's bday celebration & they are having parties everyday this week starting Thursday. I told her Thursday would be special as it's at the Hyde, by invite only, & the Heat would be there (she's a big Heat fan). She says, damn, I wish you had told me earlier Tiffany (best friend & goes to school with her at UF) invited her to a party tonight. That didn't bother me that much as now a days girls do a girls night out thing. What bothered me was when I told her well Friday is real good event to & told her details. She tells me damn, Tiffany wants me to go to a club to meet guy she's dating who is the dj & she wants to go to meet him. This did bother me as if her friend is going to meet guy she's dating why the hell can't I be invited when she is supposedly dating me? No one likes being a 3rd wheel unless of course she wants to meet someone there.

 

I'm supposed to take her on a sunset champagne cruise on Saturday night and then a dinner afterwards where until yesterday I was going to ask her to be my gf. Which I honestly don't know if I want to do anymore as I'm not sure she'll appreciate it with recent findings.

 

Lastly, before the call I got yesterday I sent her friend request on instagram as I just got it. I haven't texted or called her all day today. She texted me twice. Once at 12 wishing me good morning & a good day with a smiley face & 2nd time at 3:30 asking me if I sent her friend request on instagram. I wasn't going to text her until I get home & sent her the following text. Hey, crazy day, yes it's me (referring to instagram) and on Saturday I was just going to ask her bluntly what we are doing? Am I just someone she's going out with to have fun or do you want something serious with me?

 

Your thoughts please. Thanks in advance.

[Keke1]

You're doing A LOT

[Balzac]

My read on her is she's immature and has no ability to put substantive support to any assertions of what she wants. Just my take on it.

[clia]

I'm really not understanding what you are so upset about, or why you are second guessing anything.

 

Anyway, she went with me to the Championship celebration in the AAA on Monday & afterwards we ate at the Mandarin Oriental hotel. Afterwards I drop her off & I told her, I'm sure I'll see you again before Saturday (we have a date for that day) & left.

 

Note that you didn't have a date scheduled with her until Saturday.

 

She says no, that her friend came to visit & they just came back from beer run. She they tells me that she had invited some friends over but most either didn't reply or said no due to it being a weekday & having work tomorrow. Mind you I never got an invite.

 

Weren't you studying that night? I mean, if she thought you were studying, it makes some sense to me that she wouldn't invite you over. Plus, you've only been dating a month. She doesn't have to invite you everywhere and every time she gets together with her friends.

 

I then tell her that it's dj irie's bday celebration & they are having parties everyday this week starting Thursday. I told her Thursday would be special as it's at the Hyde, by invite only, & the Heat would be there (she's a big Heat fan). She says, damn, I wish you had told me earlier Tiffany (best friend & goes to school with her at UF) invited her to a party tonight. That didn't bother me that much as now a days girls do a girls night out thing.

 

You asked her out at the last minute; she already had plans. Again, I don't see anything for you to be upset about.

 

What bothered me was when I told her well Friday is real good event to & told her details. She tells me damn, Tiffany wants me to go to a club to meet guy she's dating who is the dj & she wants to go to meet him. This did bother me as if her friend is going to meet guy she's dating why the hell can't I be invited when she is supposedly dating me? No one likes being a 3rd wheel unless of course she wants to meet someone there.

 

From what you wrote, Tiffany's guy is the dj at the club, so he will be working while they are there. So...how is she the third wheel? It sounds like she and Tiffany will be going together, and Tiffany plans to pop up to the dj booth to introduce her to this guy...who again...will be working. Plus, like I said above, you asked her out last minute, you've been dating her a month, and she doesn't have to invite you everywhere.

 

I just legitimately don't see what you are worried about, and it makes you sound kind of insecure. I think you should progress as planned and ask her to be your girlfriend on Saturday. If she says no, you will have your answer.

[THEU52]

Yea, I know I've done a lot early. Usually don't things were just going real well.

 

I'm not sure she knows what she wants either.

 

2 questions.

 

Am I right in being bothered at not getting invite to club Friday night & possibly not getting curtesy invite yesterday (even though I was studying it should still be my decision to make)?

 

Should I be blunt & ask her what's up next time I see her?

 

TIA

[Balzac]

When do you sit for the exam?

 

One would expect that following this section of CPA you're soon onto the next. It's life in the early professional years.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure what you gain by being bluntly confrontive. I'm all for communication but at this early stage in your relationship I'd focus on other issues.

 

You need to be able to evaluate her temperament for delayed gratification as it relates to your chosen career. It seems at this point she's able to entertain herself during your "busy" times. CPA implies many things but often one has very busy periods.

 

I get what you're saying about no courtesy invite but you made it clear you're under a self imposed gun to sit for the exam. She's unlikely to try to interrupt that. Try not to take it personally.

[THEU52]

Clia, interesting angle, you are the 1st to put it like that. I understand your point, I guess I'm a bit disappointed that she's only here for a week & unless I plan something nothing happens.

[THEU52]

I sit for exam July 1st, if I pass I'm a CPA as I have passed the 3 other parts already.

[Balzac]

I sit for exam July 1st, if I pass I'm a CPA as I have passed the 3 other parts already.

 

Best of outcomes, you'll pass and early congrats.

 

She's on holiday, unemcumbered with career aspirations, living the student life.

You're a numbers dude, fully aware of time and opportunity cost.

It's normal to feel the way you do but try to get a wider perspective.

[Balzac]

I guess I should add that a gorgeous college girl is a fun thing.

In no way am I saying that her normal developmental phase is a dealbreaker.

[THEU52]

I get you & LOL at opportunity cost. Funny way of putting it, but true. I picked her over three other women I was talking to and have since stopped talking to the others. Miami is filled with gorgeous women & I guess if I'm going to keep dating this girl and basically not give other women attention I want to know that she is interested in something meaningful. If not, I'd rather move on & give my time to someone that appreciates everything I do for them.

[THEU52]

PS Thanks on the early congrats.

[Balzac]

You've got the appropriate attitude and perspective. In her own way through action or inaction she'll let you know. Girls aren't like a private offering disclosure! You're smart and whatever happens it's all good.

 

Been to Miami many times and yup ~ vast sums of beauties.

[todreaminblue]

you have every right to know how or where things are going so just ask her straight up and hopefully she gives you a straight up answer.....good luck what your exams......best wishes...deb