germerican1993 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I found out just yesterday that my husband of almost 20 yrs(next month),the father of my 4 children has been having an emotional online affair with a woman in the Fillipines. He is 43,getting ready to retire from 22 yrs active duty army. He was deployed to Iraq in 2011 and came back home in Dec 2011.The online affair started in Mar 2012. He thinks I cheated on him in 2000 when we were leaving germany(I`m german) and I wasn`t ready to leave my family and friends behind yet and was spending time with them going to a club.I have never cheated on my husband,was always there for him,supported his military career and survived 2 12 months and 1 15 month deployment,not once even thinking about cheating. He stopped frenchkissing me in 2000 when he thought I had cheated.I got pregnant with our 3rd son during that time and he denied paternity until he first laid eyes on our son(he looked just like his paternal papaw).Over the yrs I had begged and pleaded with him to realize I didn`t cheat and to kiss me again....never happened though. Towards the end of the last deployment we discussed our issues again and he promised to work on the kissing part.Nothing changed and he continued to push me away when I tried to innitiate the kissing. Before his last deployment we never had any issues in the sex part of our marriage,but since he came home he is just never ever in the mood.He had distanced himself from me emotionally and has insulted and humiliated me on several occasions. I thought he was dealing with ptsd or was nervous about the change in our lives with his upcoming retirement.Hahaha,the joke is on me. He started talking to this woman,found her through a Philipina Adult Finder website.His reason for looking....I was always yelling at him.But you know we were only fighting about his refusal to be intimate,his total lack of attention.Oh he did come to me every so often when he had the itch,but never when I had the itch and begged and humiliated myself. He has been telling this woman all the things he hasn`t told me in forever,how beautiful,sexy and hot she is,given her pet names like princess,babygirl,babe,sweetheart,angel,gorgeous,beautiful...all the things he never called me.....I was only "dear" for as long as we have been together even though I let him know plenty of times that I would have liked other pet names too. He promised the OW that he would leave everything behind and move to the Phillipines or she could move over here,he was going to send her a ticket.And on the other hand offering me a kids free longer vacation with my family back in Germany...I guess to get me out of the picture,which I didn`t go for. Now he says he will do anything to make it up to me,even getting down on his knees with tears in his eyes.He told his brother he finally thinks he was wrong to accuse me of cheating for nearly 13 yrs. He says it was just a game for him,a fantasy he was playing with.He told this woman he was divorced,that he loves her so much and can`t stop thinking about her. He did end the affair last yr in July,but contacted her again this yr in Feb.The last time he swore his undying love to her was on June 11th...a little over 2 weeks ago,but according to him just empty words since it was all just a game and he never touched the woman or saw her naked. But to me the words mean something. It hurts too much to know the things he said to her,giving her the emotional he was taking away from me and then lying to me that he ended it last yr and I ind out that he was involved with her again. I`m just the fat ugly wh*&^ he married. Apparently he has always favored asian women and only married his white wife cause he didn`t know an asian woman and he was just too young dumb and horny to wait. I have caught him looking at asian porn over the yrs,but he always said it`s something men just do...I guess that joke is on me as well. How do I deal with this??? Btw,he didn`t even flinch or try to stop me when I beat him with a frying pan...just told me that he deserved that He says he never had any feeling for this woman...but WHY did he start contacting her again???His answer is that he was just stupid and made the biggest mistake of his life.He says he now realizes what he has at home. I say it`s BS....it`s cheaper to keep her since I would get half his retirement pay if I leave him.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 In my opinion, your husband reeks of bull****; of course, you're thinking the same. Do you believe he will ever truly go no contact with this woman? I'm thinking he won't. The chances of reconciliation-if you even wanted to-are slim, I think. He'd probably be more than willing, just to save his own skin financially in all of this. I know it might be frightening, but divorce is probably the best way to go. I don't see him ever really making up for what he's done. He may not have gone physical, due to the distance-but he's put you on the back burner entirely. Even if it wasn't an EA, I'd still think you're better off cutting the chord, here. He's not treating you with any respect, and he continues to deceive you. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it's for you.
wanting more Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 [quote name=.He told his brother he finally thinks he was wrong to accuse me of cheating for nearly 13 yrs. He says it was just a game for him,a fantasy he was playing with.He told this woman he was divorced,that he loves her so much and can`t stop thinking about her. .[/quote] even if your WH is remorseful, which he really doesn't sound like he is since he contacted her 2 weeks ago saying he loves her, how could you deal with this (the part I quoted). This is some pretty fu**ed stuff. For 13 years he accused you of cheating and now he says if was just a game???? A game??? That sounds sick in the head to me. How do you feel about him?. Even before his A it doesn't sound like there was much of a M. 1
lifelesson101 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 As I was reading your post my heart was aching for you - then I got to the frying pan part and I busted out laughing at the office. Wish I would have thought to smack my husband down with a frying pan after finding out about his three year affair way back in the day!! Anyhow, I usually don't condone violence. . . Seriously though, for thirteen years this man has accused you of cheating because he had probably been cheating all this time. You just happened to bust him at it this time. Take some time making your decisions. Use your head not your emotions. Make sure you and the kids are well taken care of. 1
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