chillguy123 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Hey everybody, I need advice on my situation. I am 22 and just finished college. I have been casually dating a girl for over a year now. About four months into the relationship, I asked her out she says she’s not ready. Okay, I back off but we continue having sex once or twice a month. She comes back we start hooking up again daily. She gives me all the good signs then she goes cold again because she feels like its never going to work. I took this to heart and left; ignored all contact (it was very hard for me). After one month no contact, she comes back for yet a THIRD time begging that she missed me and wanted to hangout. Okay, I decided to take it slow and let the relationship develop at its own pace, if at all (I was very skeptical since she already said it wasn’t going to work out). Yet again we both started to develop strong feelings for each other and the relationship was the strongest it has ever been. We were both excited it. These past two months: A bunch of sex. Wants to hangout almost everyday. Texts, calls, snapchat, fb messages me non-stop (her initiating 99% of the time) Makes me a birthday cake. Wished me happy birthday at midnight through phone and on fb. Agreed to and was extremely excited to go on dates with me. When I asked for her to hangout and could not make it she would suggest another day and follow through. Kiss whenever we saw each other and when see leaves my place in the mornings. Asked me how was my day and how I was feeling. Told her parents that she was going on dates with me. Then last Tuesday she called me while she was tispy. We talked for 2 hours and at the end of the conversation she told me that she loved me. After that, she started to get cold. (Me thinking to myself, not this s*** again.) This past week: No text, snapchats, calls fb messages or anything. The few times I have initiated conversations this week she would ignore, seem disinterested, or answer 2-3 hours later, but for the most part I have backed off. No interest in hanging out or wanting to see me. Cancelled a date and days to hangout and no follow-up. WTF! My head hurts. I haven’t pleaded or begged because I know that s*** never works. Seems her interest level has dropped from 90s% to 50s% in a couple days? Is that possible? I am emotionally drained and stressed at this point. The only way I get rid of and stop thinking about it is if I go to the gym and workout for a couple hours but I can’t stay there forever. I am really sick and tired of this hot cold s***. I really love and care about this girl but I do not want to come off as needy or weak when approaching this situation. Any advice or suggestions?
salparadise Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 It's hard to say exactly what's going on in her head, but my guess is that she gets overwhelmed and scared when her feelings deepen and she backs off, puts up walls, as a way of protecting herself from the unbearable feeling of being vulnerable. And the way she does it is crazy-making for you since she's not in touch with it, can't communicate effectively or deal with it openly. She probably feels confused and afraid. What you need to realize is that this is simply how she is and that it's not fair to you. It's possible that she could break through and change with some counseling, if you can get her to go when she's not detaching, while she realizes that she wants a stable relationship with you. If she either can't or won't deal with it then I think you'd best move on, because putting up with this will make for a miserable existence.
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