keyzer47 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 My BF of 3 years, we recently bought a house together, is still friends with his X wife of 20 years. They have a 30 year old son, that is getting married and the do not approve of the fiance. Their son has cut all contact with both of them. But, before that and now his X wife continues to cry on his shoulder frequently. They went to see the priest together and now they went to counseling to talk about this issue. I feel bad for my BF losing a relationship with his son. I just don't get why he needs to hold her hand through this whole process.
MissBee Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 (edited) My BF of 3 years, we recently bought a house together, is still friends with his X wife of 20 years. They have a 30 year old son, that is getting married and the do not approve of the fiance. Their son has cut all contact with both of them. But, before that and now his X wife continues to cry on his shoulder frequently. They went to see the priest together and now they went to counseling to talk about this issue. I feel bad for my BF losing a relationship with his son. I just don't get why he needs to hold her hand through this whole process. Have you spoken to him about it? I think if you've been married to someone for 20 years and you have a child together, the fact that you can be friends is pretty decent and it's actually admirable when exes with a child can treat each other well versus being at each other's throats or acting like the person doesn't exist. My aunt has been remarried for over 13 years and she is still friends with her ex-husband, with whom she has one child; when he had a cancer scare, she went to stay with him after surgery. Her current husband is secure and was fine with it and their relationship is still going strong and she is not secretly cheating or anything of the sort. What problem do you have with him supporting her through this? Are you scared and jealous that they will rekindle their relationship? I think when you're with someone who was married before with a child or has children with their ex, you have to expect some type of friendly relationship to exist. The situation presented has their son at the middle, so it's not even like she is having her own personal crisis and he is helping her through it, but this relates to their adult child, so it makes sense why he is involved. However, you need to express your feelings and concerns to your SO, as it is your relationship and you both have to determine what makes you both feel comfortable. Edited June 27, 2013 by MissBee
ForeverHopeful1 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 My BF of 3 years, we recently bought a house together, is still friends with his X wife of 20 years. They have a 30 year old son, that is getting married and the do not approve of the fiance. Their son has cut all contact with both of them. But, before that and now his X wife continues to cry on his shoulder frequently. They went to see the priest together and now they went to counseling to talk about this issue. I feel bad for my BF losing a relationship with his son. I just don't get why he needs to hold her hand through this whole process. They were married for a long time, and share a son who is speaking to neither of them currently. They are probably leaning on one another right now. It is their dynamic whether you "get it" or not. I don't really have an answer. I don't know that you can label this right or wrong. Since I haven't personally been in their shoes, I don't understand it either, but I see them leaning on one another right now because they both lost their child to a woman neither of them like at all. It must be hard on them. It must be hard on you to sit back and watch, but to be honest, you have no choice in the matter here. It isn't like you can demand he does things differently, or it may be at the risk of losing him. What is it you are bothered by specifically? Are you worried about losing him to her over this and they will rekindle their love? What are your main concerns here? Good luck. I wish I had advice on how to go about dealing with this. Chin up!!! Hang in there, Love!!! xoxoxoxox
Got it Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I think you need to sit down with him and talk about your concerns. I do think that due to their history and a shared child that they will support each other but you are his significant other and so your feelings and well being should be taken into consideration as well. You two need to see if you can reach a compromise on this so both sides feel supported. I don't agree that carte blanche that it is healthy for his ex wife to be his number one support person as he does have you in his life. She needs to have others she can turn to as well as they are no longer married. Are you feeling out of the loop? What is your relationship with her? Do you think if you worked on that it may help things? Do you feel she is threatening your relationship? My parents have an amicable relationship where they are together a good bit for family things and that is just the way it has been since the divorce. But while I would not want a third party to come in and try and exclude one of them out of jealousy, possessiveness, etc. I also think that the third party's feelings should be taken into consideration. It is a hard dynamic but I think being open, willing, and thoughtful on reaching a compromise for everyone is the best course of action.
Author keyzer47 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I have expressed my feelings to him, I was very jealous in the beginning because of their history I thought constant communication would rekindle feelings. I have worked through that, and things are getting better. I dont have a relationship with the X wife. She did thank me for my patience in this whole situation realizing she was taking up alot of his time.
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