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Do I always have to take the initiative?


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Posted

I have been dating this girl for a while now, we have had around 6 dates by now, had sex two times, we always make out every time we meet etc

There's one thing that is starting to annoy me, she never takes initiative...

I am also having some doubts regarding if she is interested in me or if it's nothing serious for her.. When we are together we kiss passionately but still she is somewhat reserved some other times.

Recently things went kinda sour for me, she invited me to a party she was hosting with some friends, (finally she invited to something, or so I thought), the day of the party she sends me a msg explaining it would be better if I didn't go because there would be a lot of people in the party and some of her friends she wanted to talk with and she felt she would have to give me attention...

Now I understand that because I wouldn't know anyone besides her at the party, but still I got a bit upset, she then vaguely said we could do something the next day. Well she never said anything again since then.

I have decided to stop taking the initiative and wait and see how she reacts, what do you guys think?

Posted

I can see ow that would be annoying. I think it is okay to back off a bit but a lot of girls expect the guy to be the one to initiate. I was dating a URL who was a professional ball room dancer once. She incited me to one of her competitions and then less than a week to go to the performance she told me she couldn't get me tickets. I asked her how I could go about buying them and she kind of brushed it off (I'll get back to you). Things just kind of fizzled after that. I left her a message and she didn't call me back so I was done with that.

Posted

She "uninvited" you to a party? Chances are there was going to be another guy there she's interested in. If you're a social type of guy, there's no reason you couldn't have gone and made some new friends, without infringing on her time with her friends. "Uninvited" = done.

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Posted

You could be right midwest... thanks for replying.

Posted

I don't think she is that heavily committed to this relationship with you and to be honest, there is nothing wrong with that in principle. But if you don't like it, then your feelings are entirely valid also. Things may remain the same until the relationship breaks up, or they may change longer term. It would seem, though, that you are keener already than her.

 

You say you have been dating for some time and then say you have had six dates. To me that probably doesn't add up to "dating for some time" although that is a very personal and arbitrary judgement. I wonder if she innately feels the same way?

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Posted

I said we have been dating for a while in regards for her to also take initiative...

For me 6 dates where it's always me that takes the initiative is not right.

I do like her, but I think for her it's just a summer fling...

Posted

She doesn't sound all that serious about you, but so what, you're getting laid. If you're enjoying that, then don't over think it. FWB it is. :cool:

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Posted

Huh, that's weird. I've had that happen to me too, but then it was obvious she didn't want to see me. People going back on their decisions is usually a bad sign. Unless you're so different from "her crowd" of friends that you might embarrass her, I don't see why you couldn't be at that party AT all. Parties are about being social in groups, if she wants so much 1 on 1 time with her friends she shouldn't be hosting a party. I'd say somethings up.

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Posted

I am going on the no contact rule, need to read the responses to this thread almost every 2 hours to keep me from calling her...

 

Thank guys!

Posted (edited)
I am going on the no contact rule, need to read the responses to this thread almost every 2 hours to keep me from calling her...

 

Thank guys!

Don't call her! (I'm here to tell you, LOL!). Remember her vaguely telling you she'd do something with you the next day? You're still waiting, right?

Edited by MidwestUSA
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Posted

Well 2 days after, I sent her a good luck message because she was going to have an exam. She thanked me and asked how I was, I replied and that was it.

In the afternoon I sent her a msg asking how it went but she didn't reply...

I am not gonna contact her, it's hard tho, stupid hormones... she is so hot :o

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Posted

Well it's over I guess, I got one last question, I have her on skype and facebook, I probably should delete her, right?

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Posted

I end up always snooping around her facebook, probably is better for me to delete her... :(

Posted
I end up always snooping around her facebook, probably is better for me to delete her... :(

Yes! Before you do something stupid. Don't torment yourself. So sorry it worked out this way.

Posted
Yes! Before you do something stupid. Don't torment yourself. So sorry it worked out this way.

 

I think you should talk to her about it and see what happens

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