bluegreen Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Has anyone noticed how cold cynical and unwilling to care again we are ? I got really sweet guy basically doing cartwheels to get my attention and openly saying he got it bad for me and I got "nothing" zilch nada. Yeah am not ready even if am over ex but why can't I relax have little fun fling enjoy being looked at like best thing since sliced bread? Why god damn it do I have to "try" so hard to be nice and good not to seduce someone who damn near begs for it. How do people do flings casual dating and just have fun I NEVER learned that can it be learned ?
Author bluegreen Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 I suppose no one casually dates here so no advice either
seahawker64 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I've recently been hanging out with this Woman. Strictly platonic in my eyes. She's good company though so it's ok. Problem is I can feel her getting more and more attached and I have zero interest in that. Even if it was a different Woman there still would be zero interest. I'm so not into it. I realize as I AM getting better, tiny little bit's everyday, I still have my moments where those damn memories keep flooding back and realize how much I miss her. It's almost 5 month's for me. Sometimes it's hard to believe we were together and other times it feels like yesterday. I have forced myself to go out on few dates but generally don't like it. I don't really have a great time. I'm more on guard and more protective of myself that I ever have been in my life. Until this feeling stops there is not alot of hope I'll get involved with anyone on that level again. As I told a friend of mine, maybe next year I'll want more out of someone but I wouldn't hold your breath on it. 1
pteromom Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 How do people do flings casual dating and just have fun I NEVER learned that can it be learned ? You just have to be honest about what you want from someone. "This is just fun. I am not interested in a relationship at all." And keep saying it. If someone refuses to accept it or if you can see you are hurting them, move on. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Ok- My ex ended our toxic on/off relationship a month ago when I told her i was tired of the way she talked to me when she was stress or annoyed. This was our third break up this year. We dated off/on for 1.4 years. I really wanted to make it work cause I loved her (dispite her issues) and really loved her kids. Everytime we broke up, I felt like I was going thru a second divorce. I missed our "family" unit. This time, I'd had enough. She took me for granted and was often moody, *itchy, mean, selfish etc.. during our last reconcilation of two months. I hurt pretty good for the first couple of weeks. Then said screw it and rejoined some dating sites. So, in the last two weeks, I've gone out with 5 different girls and slept with two of them. What's my mindset? Hum.. I enjoyed all the dates, even the women I didn't connect with chemistry wise. I thought it was relaxing, having a beer or two and flirting, talking about past relationships and just enjoying the opposite sex company. I didn't think about my ex at all during the dates. I was only focused on in the moment. The sex- in my mind, this is all it is, is sex. It's fun, exciting, it's good for my self esteem to know women find me attractive and want to sleep with me. I'm a confident guy but still, your confidence can be shaken during a break up. Ok, back to the sex. I didn't think about my ex for one second other than to think how her sex skilz were NOT as good as I thought they were. Both these women BLEW her away skill set wise. BTW, I'm a safe sex kid. Better at oral, better at everything than my ex. I enjoyed it for what it was, two people who were sexually attracted to each other and enjoyed each other's bodies. Do I feel like either could be my next significant other? IDK? Why be that deep about it? Why not just go with the flow and see how things shake out. Enjoy the dating period and focus on the future vs. living in the past, giving to much time and attention to (in my case) a woman who's got FAR TOO MANY issues to ever be happy in her life. It's important to note that she'd broken up with me a couple of times before and I always got her back. But, that was the last straw. She threw me out of her life and the life of her kids that I absolutely loved and took good care of. Why do I want to sit at home and mourn over a POS like that? Lifes too short.
l0ving_x Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I have the same problem guys... Even when someone would hit on me, I wouldn't even feel flattered - I felt disgusted. I don't like the attention I get at all, and even the thought of being in a relationship feels so wrong. I still can only see myself with my ex (but I don't want to be with him), and I think it's because he's the only guy I've been in a relationship with... I don't even want to do anything physically. The thought of having sex scares me and disgusts me... But I think it's because my ex cheated on me, but took my virginity. It's like sex is just so animalistic and there's no intimacy anymore. I'm just not gonna date :'( 1
seahawker64 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Ok- My ex ended our toxic on/off relationship a month ago when I told her i was tired of the way she talked to me when she was stress or annoyed. This was our third break up this year. We dated off/on for 1.4 years. I really wanted to make it work cause I loved her (dispite her issues) and really loved her kids. Everytime we broke up, I felt like I was going thru a second divorce. I missed our "family" unit. This time, I'd had enough. She took me for granted and was often moody, *itchy, mean, selfish etc.. during our last reconcilation of two months. I hurt pretty good for the first couple of weeks. Then said screw it and rejoined some dating sites. So, in the last two weeks, I've gone out with 5 different girls and slept with two of them. What's my mindset? Hum.. I enjoyed all the dates, even the women I didn't connect with chemistry wise. I thought it was relaxing, having a beer or two and flirting, talking about past relationships and just enjoying the opposite sex company. I didn't think about my ex at all during the dates. I was only focused on in the moment. The sex- in my mind, this is all it is, is sex. It's fun, exciting, it's good for my self esteem to know women find me attractive and want to sleep with me. I'm a confident guy but still, your confidence can be shaken during a break up. Ok, back to the sex. I didn't think about my ex for one second other than to think how her sex skilz were NOT as good as I thought they were. Both these women BLEW her away skill set wise. BTW, I'm a safe sex kid. Better at oral, better at everything than my ex. I enjoyed it for what it was, two people who were sexually attracted to each other and enjoyed each other's bodies. Do I feel like either could be my next significant other? IDK? Why be that deep about it? Why not just go with the flow and see how things shake out. Enjoy the dating period and focus on the future vs. living in the past, giving to much time and attention to (in my case) a woman who's got FAR TOO MANY issues to ever be happy in her life. It's important to note that she'd broken up with me a couple of times before and I always got her back. But, that was the last straw. She threw me out of her life and the life of her kids that I absolutely loved and took good care of. Why do I want to sit at home and mourn over a POS like that? Lifes too short. Since we are being totally honest...I get what your saying that it's just sex. The problem I'm having with that whole scenario is while I have been intimate with this new friend of mine, about half way thru the act, I lose complete and total interest. To the point My. Sparky crashes in and goes down like a sinking ship. It's not that I'm consciously thinking about my ex but the hugh issue is for me they don't move like my ex and that is a big turn off for me. My ex was smokin hot and had a incredible body and these other's I dated have not. Our sex life was like nothing I'd ever experienced and I've been around the block a few times because I'm probably one of the older guys here on the board. I've considered that it's maybe just that the Women I have intimate times with since the BU, none of them really turned me on before we hoped in bed so maybe that's the issue. I'm 99% certain this is due to how far my ex got in my head this time and it's completely emotional on my side. I've read alot on the web of other guy's developing this same issue after a BU. It is a concern to me though. I can't decide whether I just should not worry about Sex right now but damn, it's part of who I am. This is a first for me and I not digging on it at all.
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Am glad am not only one but yeah as someone said its not that I miss him or have a feelings its just like something froze in me after BU. Now I feel cold not interested and this guy I mentioned cute as bug's ear sweet attentive all that and me = meh Any guy actually and I think I would also not be able to be intimate with someone at times I miss it but when it would come to that part am not sure I would be able to go on. GRRRR how did our brains got f.. up like this
aloneinaz Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Since we are being totally honest...I get what your saying that it's just sex. The problem I'm having with that whole scenario is while I have been intimate with this new friend of mine, about half way thru the act, I lose complete and total interest. To the point My. Sparky crashes in and goes down like a sinking ship. It's not that I'm consciously thinking about my ex but the hugh issue is for me they don't move like my ex and that is a big turn off for me. My ex was smokin hot and had a incredible body and these other's I dated have not. Our sex life was like nothing I'd ever experienced and I've been around the block a few times because I'm probably one of the older guys here on the board. I've considered that it's maybe just that the Women I have intimate times with since the BU, none of them really turned me on before we hoped in bed so maybe that's the issue. I'm 99% certain this is due to how far my ex got in my head this time and it's completely emotional on my side. I've read alot on the web of other guy's developing this same issue after a BU. It is a concern to me though. I can't decide whether I just should not worry about Sex right now but damn, it's part of who I am. This is a first for me and I not digging on it at all. I don't think what you're saying (sparky losing interest) would be that unusual after starting to have sex again after a recent break up. It's not unusual to "get in your head" the first time you have sex w/someone new, especially after a break up. I've done the compare thing as well. There was a lot of things I liked about my ex's body but she certainly wasn't a fitness model. The two women I've slept with since my break up have bodies that were better than hers, had better bedroom skill sets and it simply was about making each other feel good. Everyone's allowed their own views and time frames of healing after a break up. Don't get me wrong, I miss my ex of the first few month of the relationship. The ex from the last few months is dead to me. I'm in my 40's and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit and ruminate for months about a POS who didn't want me in her life anymore. I'd much rather be doing what i'm doing. Having some casual dates, enjoying the company of women, having sex and hopefully meeting someone that will be my next love of my life. You can't meet someone like this sitting at home having a pity party for yourself.
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 So its our heads no pun intended that are more s... up then our hearts ?
scorpio1978 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You just have to be honest about what you want from someone. "This is just fun. I am not interested in a relationship at all." And keep saying it. If someone refuses to accept it or if you can see you are hurting them, move on. Totally off topic, Pteromom, but is your image supposed to look like it is spinning, or am I losing my damned mind?
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 So its definitive this behavior can not be learned
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Has anyone noticed how cold cynical and unwilling to care again we are ? I got really sweet guy basically doing cartwheels to get my attention and openly saying he got it bad for me and I got "nothing" zilch nada. Yeah am not ready even if am over ex but why can't I relax have little fun fling enjoy being looked at like best thing since sliced bread? Why god damn it do I have to "try" so hard to be nice and good not to seduce someone who damn near begs for it. How do people do flings casual dating and just have fun I NEVER learned that can it be learned ? girls don't like sweet guys, that's why you don't care. if he paid you attention and then turned into a jerk you'd care. that's how things work.
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 girls don't like sweet guys, that's why you don't care. if he paid you attention and then turned into a jerk you'd care. that's how things work. GRRR NOT TRUE I always liked sweet guys but this story has few more things I did not mentioned or will until I feel need to do so
tbf Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 bluegreen, it has barely been a month since your break up. Give it some time.
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 True it has been bit more actually but I never hid the fact that am not ready. Its just this numbness kind of feeling that am wondering heart does not feel so messed up anymore but head is empty.
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 GRRR NOT TRUE I always liked sweet guys but this story has few more things I did not mentioned or will until I feel need to do so then it sounds like you have other reasons for not being interested in him other than "being a sweet guy". besides, you could simply not be into him. that's pretty common.
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I don't really like you I don't like how you put out these little jabs and how sarcastic you are so may I kindly suggest you in future pass my posts ? Am sweet as southern molasses until I am not hope we understand each other
flitzanu Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I don't really like you I don't like how you put out these little jabs and how sarcastic you are so may I kindly suggest you in future pass my posts ? Am sweet as southern molasses until I am not hope we understand each other i'm pretty dense, you'll have to explain what i said that is sarcastic.
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 i'm pretty dense, you'll have to explain what i said that is sarcastic. Of that I have no doubt at all but you will not ruin my thread ... 1
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