Doing it where they did it

[Journee]

Oh. My. God. It's just a teeny bit stalker-ish to have sex in a certain place just because someone else did, no matter what the context. Eeew.

 

 

It wasn't just "someone". Not just a stranger or a random being that fell from the sky. It was her partner in life. Her husband.

 

Why would anyone want to have sex with someone that is already having sex with their spouse ,no matter the excuses ....now that's "Eeew"

[So happy together]

Really? Not half as bad as discovering all the MAPs who want to do it in the marital bed and home and all the APs who oblige them.

 

Now THAT'S SICK.

 

I completely agree.

[So happy together]

It wasn't just "someone". Not just a stranger or a random being that fell from the sky. It was her partner in life. Her husband.

 

Why would anyone want to have sex with someone that is already having sex with their spouse ,no matter the excuses ....now that's "Eeew"

 

 

I dunno Journee. My bf wasn't sleeping with his spouse.

[Journee]

I dunno Journee. My bf wasn't sleeping with his spouse.

 

 

 

This thread Is about OP and her sexual relationship with her husband. It is not gross or an "Eeew" moment for her. Thoughts of her H with OW are disturbing to her and her R. Thoughts of the OW and her H probably disgust her too.

 

That was the point I was trying to make. Not at all about you or bf.

[screwedovertwenty]

I SAY who cares? if no one cared enough about me to avoid my favorite places during the affair, I will not care about the effects of either reclaiming them OR eschewing them for life.

 

Whatever it takes for ME, the BS to heal is EXACTLY what I will do. Hopefully with my fWS, or without him if need be.

 

Sell the car, burn the couch or the house, quit the job, move away, sit on the spot, jump on the cheap motel beds.......WHATEVER empowers me to reclaim my life is what I must do to heal.

 

LMAO! I want to jump on the beds now!

 

The motel didn't bother me until recently. I didn't know that there were two and I didn't know which ones. He originally claimed there was only one and just very recently told me that it was two. He thought he had told me that. I hadn't questioned him about the hotel visits in a very long time. Another reason to keep asking the same questions over and over. Unfortunately, I pressed about the hotel a little too late for my own good. Last month I went to a convention with my daughter and stayed at a couple hotels. A week or so later, I asked him why the hell he couldn't remember the hotel??? That's when he said there was two. He thought about it for a few hours and came up with the names. I freaked out because my daughter and I stayed at one of those hotel chains. UGH! I never would have stayed there with her had I known! I felt like our trip was now tainted! I told him then and there that if there was a question that I had not asked, that he felt I would want to know, tell me! He told me that he would think about it and has come up with nothing else.

 

As far as places that were once special to us, he had to drive past our old townhouse that we lived in when the kids were tiny to get to her house. So, he drove past that place on his way to pick her up and then on the way to the river with her and then on the way to drop her off and then again on the way home. Four times he would drive past our old home for a fifteen minute ****. I asked him if he ever thought about it and he said sometimes. I can avoid that road if I want to, but sometimes I am drawn to it and find myself driving past her house to see if I might catch a glimpse of her.

 

The first hotel they stayed at is not one that I drive past on a regular basis. The second hotel is one that I drive past regularly. It's also the one I stayed at with my daughter. Ironically the one that they went to is right next to the job I worked when I was pregnant with that same daughter. I asked him if he thought about that and he said no.

[sweet_pea]

Oh. My. God. It's just a teeny bit stalker-ish to have sex in a certain place just because someone else did, no matter what the context. Eeew.

 

How is it stalkerish? Who exactly is being stalked?

 

You know what's ew? Having sex with someone else's husband (or wife/SO). That's Eeeeew.

 

SHT, what was the point of posting in this thread? Honestly, SOT didn't need your comment, it was uncalled for and rude, especially since she is talking about her progress in her relationship and how she is trying to heal from being betrayed, and quite frankly, if having sex in the same spot that her Hub/OW did it helps her at all, that's good. Like Journee said, this is about OP.

[So happy together]

How is it stalkerish? Who exactly is being stalked?

 

You know what's ew? Having sex with someone else's husband (or wife/SO). That's Eeeeew.

 

SHT, what was the point of posting in this thread? Honestly, SOT didn't need your comment, it was uncalled for and rude, especially since she is talking about her progress in her relationship and how she is trying to heal from being betrayed, and quite frankly, if having sex in the same spot that her Hub/OW did it helps her at all, that's good. Like Journee said, this is about OP.

 

Um... it's a public forum. And I have the right to my opinion, which I am absolutely sure others share. EW.

[sweet_pea]

Um... it's a public forum. And I have the right to my opinion, which I am absolutely sure others share. EW.

 

Bless your little heart.

 

Of course you have a right to your opinion, but I'm still wondering why you posted what you did. Is it in support (as you like to point out to BS' on the other forum?)

 

Ew back atcha, darling. Ew. Ew. Ew.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Here's a thought, don't you think one of the most appealing characteristics in a man or woman is confidence? Very sexy! I would think a BS would want to exhibit that trait to her WS more than they would be concerned about reclaiming territory for their own satisfaction. Would think the territory a BS would want to reclaim the most would be the mind and body of his/her SO.

 

Let your love and imagination provide fertile ground, excuse the pun, for coming up with ways to do that! No need to get crazy or theatrical. Just ENJOY that woman or man who is choosing to make love to you rather than to OM or OW!

 

Is there anything sexier than a man or woman truly and confidently reveling in lovemaking in their own unique way? You want to reclaim? Forget about OW and OM, be yourself and focus on the love of your life!

 

Prob some will read this and think, "If only it were that easy."

 

Is it possible you could make it easier to do so by acting as if you are confident in yourself and by not drawing WS's attention to your need to outdo OW or OM?

[sweet_pea]

Isn't that called hysterical bonding?

 

No I could not even imagine having sex in the marital bed

 

Glad the OP had a picnic instead although I could not have done that either.

 

And yes, it was weird to suggest that having sex in the same place. Eew...

 

Just wondering why you knew they had sex there???? It is like what dogs doo, peeing on the same patch

 

LOL says the lady having sex with another woman's husband. Isn't that the same thing, then? She has/had sex with him, and now you do.

[LivingWaterPlease]

PS Love isn't a competition, it's a joy ride!

[So happy together]

LOL says the lady having sex with another woman's husband. Isn't that the same thing, then? She has/had sex with him, and now you do.

 

I don't know about any other BS's, but my bf hasn't slept with anyone but me in 12 years. So there's that.

 

Having sex with someone else and then having sex with another at a later time is just not the same... unless you and your partner were both virgins when you married, of course, if you are a BS, all bets are out the window that way.

 

All I am saying is, it is weird for someone to want to have sex with a partner in the same spot that the partner had sex with another. It just is. It seems not only weird, but unhealthy and backward. Sorry.

[2sure]

I don't think it's unhealthy or backward. It isn't something that would be important to me I don't think....but I can see how for many BS, it would be a kind of emotional taking back. There are many many triggers after infidelity, some obvious but some so slight they are unique . If this is something that helps during reconciliation , it's certainly easy enough to do. Why not?

[So happy together]

I don't think it's unhealthy or backward. It isn't something that would be important to me I don't think....but I can see how for many BS, it would be a kind of emotional taking back. There are many many triggers after infidelity, some obvious but some so slight they are unique . If this is something that helps during reconciliation , it's certainly easy enough to do. Why not?

 

I suppose it's up to whomever chooses to do it. It just makes me shudder. Literally. What's the point? So that whenever you see that place you don't think "He screwed OW there", but rather think "I screwed him there because he screwed OW there"... which is what it would be. There would be no replacing the knowledge that he had sex with someone else in that place.

[sweet_pea]

I don't think it's unhealthy or backward. It isn't something that would be important to me I don't think....but I can see how for many BS, it would be a kind of emotional taking back. There are many many triggers after infidelity, some obvious but some so slight they are unique . If this is something that helps during reconciliation , it's certainly easy enough to do. Why not?

 

Exactly. I personally view it as reclaiming something that hurt you, and taking away it's 'power' (so to speak), or the effect it gives and making it into something positive. I guess I don't see what's wrong or unhealthy about taking something that hurt you and being strong enough to face it head on and making into something positive/better...

[2sure]

I'm sure where he had sex is not ultimately an important part of this BS recovery process...but this does seem to erase that small part of the affair for her...so good!

 

It beats the hell out of having sex with the OW's husband to wipe that slate clean.

[HopingAgain]

LOL says the lady having sex with another woman's husband. Isn't that the same thing, then? She has/had sex with him, and now you do.

 

LOL! Exactly! Sloppy Seconds? Eww Eww Eww! ROFL!

[HopingAgain]

I suppose it's up to whomever chooses to do it. It just makes me shudder. Literally. What's the point? So that whenever you see that place you don't think "He screwed OW there", but rather think "I screwed him there because he screwed OW there"... which is what it would be. There would be no replacing the knowledge that he had sex with someone else in that place.

 

I fail to see what your purpose is here SoHappy Together. It's a reuilding marriage thing, you wouldn't understand. And seems like you just want to throw digs instead of giving any constructive feedback.

[HopingAgain]

I don't know about any other BS's, but my bf hasn't slept with anyone but me in 12 years. So there's that.

 

Having sex with someone else and then having sex with another at a later time is just not the same... unless you and your partner were both virgins when you married, of course, if you are a BS, all bets are out the window that way.

 

All I am saying is, it is weird for someone to want to have sex with a partner in the same spot that the partner had sex with another. It just is. It seems not only weird, but unhealthy and backward. Sorry.

 

There are just so many things wrong with this post that I have scarcely have time to point them out. But I will start with the most glaring basics. 1). How in the Universe do you KNOW your partner hasn't had sex with anyone else (including his WIFE) in 12 years? Because he told you so? Says the MM whio lied to his wife about having an affair in the first place. great barometer of truth to go from there.

 

2) I guess it must be opposites day, because most people would say that it is unhealthy and backwards to sleep with a married man who is lying to his spouse, most people woulds say that it is perfectly healthy and right for a MAN and WIFE to have sex wherever they see fit as log as its legal and not hurting anybody (you know, like an affair tends to do?) so speaking of ass backwards....

 

I don't know if reading about reconciling spouses is triggering you or what, but its obvious that you have no real purpose with this but to instigate and poke a stick at a sore subject for OP.

[So happy together]

There are just so many things wrong with this post that I have scarcely have time to point them out. But I will start with the most glaring basics. 1). How in the Universe do you KNOW your partner hasn't had sex with anyone else (including his WIFE) in 12 years? Because he told you so? Says the MM whio lied to his wife about having an affair in the first place. great barometer of truth to go from there.

 

2) I guess it must be opposites day, because most people would say that it is unhealthy and backwards to sleep with a married man who is lying to his spouse, most people woulds say that it is perfectly healthy and right for a MAN and WIFE to have sex wherever they see fit as log as its legal and not hurting anybody (you know, like an affair tends to do?) so speaking of ass backwards....

 

I don't know if reading about reconciling spouses is triggering you or what, but its obvious that you have no real purpose with this but to instigate and poke a stick at a sore subject for OP.

 

 

He's never lied to his stbxw about the affair.

 

I know he hasn't slept with her because of the emails she sent.

 

I know he hasn't slept with anyone else because he's never lied to me.

 

Sure, you can have sex wherever you want. I asked my bf about this and he agreed it was disgusting and weird.

 

Nothing is triggering me, I just think it is gross. And it is.

[screwedovertwenty]

We didn't have sex there. We may somewhere down the line. For now, it is a nice place to go and have a picnic and talk. If someday when we are there and we get the urge, then why not. If that never happens then that is fine too. I think if we spend enough time there it wont matter anymore. Who knows, I might just ask him to piss on the spot for me one day!

[William]

Thread starter, as it appears you have resolved your issue and the subsequent postings, now redacted, could very well have ended a substantial number of members, I'll leave this thread closed with your final statement here intact. If you wish to add anything further, please contact moderation. We'll review the thread in total as time permits. Thanks.