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UpDate. Fly to Berlin in A Few Hours. Hooked With Another Guy.

Leigh 87

By Leigh 87
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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July 7 - 4:50 a.m. PST

 

 

About five hours later - 9:58 a.m.

 

 

 

 

 

Oy vey.

 

 

 

 

You're not going to convince me that I'm not a lovely person.

 

There is absolutely no use trying to get me to have an epiphany that I am in fact not a very nice person.

 

The only crappy thing I did was hook up with guy 1, promise him I wouldn't hook up with anyone else on tour only to hook up the very next night with someone else right in front of him.

 

And I feel terrible for it and regret it. I totally understand his aversion to talking to me. I would feel the same way he did.

 

The girls think it would be nice if I apologised via facebook or a written medium. They don't think he knows that I feel bad and that I'm genuinely sorry. I tried to talk to him in person but he shut me down and didn't want to listen to me. So I left it.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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No one on the tour owes you anything. They don't have to be friendly to you, nice to you, or hang out with you. Everyone on your tour paid hundreds or thousands of dollars to take a trip around Europe -- they didn't pay that kind of money to become besties with you. It's totally within their right to not hang out with you. The fact that you seem so offended that people aren't recognizing how nice, lovely, and friendly you are is just kind of delusional given your actions so far.

 

I don't know how many days you've been on your trip, but you have hooked up with one guy, promised him he'd be the only one, then promptly hooked up with another guy, then hooked up with a third guy. You said you got drunk and jumped in a fountain one night. You planned to hook up with a fourth guy, but then got so drunk you blacked out and puked on your roommate's bed. (By the way, what happened to guy number 3, who you planned on remaining FWB with when you get back home?) I mean...how is that not a lot of drama? I don't find it hard to believe that the other girls on the tour don't want to hang out with you after hearing that, and I suspect that is only the tip of the iceberg. And given the track record, it's also not surprising that the guys who want to hook up are flocking to you. Word gets around.

 

You are free to act however you want, hook up with whoever you want to hook up with, and get as wasted as you want. But to do all that and then turn around and act all high and mighty because that type of behavior alienates other people on the tour makes no sense. At least own it. Because from what you've posted here, you are hugely bothered that no one wants to hang out with you, yet, you seem unable to make the link as to why. You may well be a lovely, friendly, nice person, but from what you've described, you haven't been

 

 

 

 

Actin that way on the tour.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I sat down and talked to two of the girls on tour. They are central to everyone.

 

They were really nice. I get along well with them and they honestly just think I got off to a baf start since I was shy initially and failed to talk enough to others as I was too busy focusing on men.

 

They assured me that no one doesn't like me nor do they say bad things about me. Not even guy 1 who I upset.

 

I have made an effort to talk to people lately and I definitely have enough people to be social with now.

 

The girls even said that they think I'm such a nice girl and I was simply a bit misunderstood initially.

 

And no one thinks I'm slutty. These girls are honest and they are mates with most people. They know what people say about others.

 

No one has said anything about my hook ups. MANY others have hooked up wayyyyy more than I have. So I certainly don't have a reputation.

 

Everyone with partners has cheated. That's pretty bad in my opinion but I still like one of the girls who's cheated. I don't think less of anyone for cheating and I won't somehow look down on them.

 

I just would leave them if I were their partners, lol.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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lol @ all the lovely, nice person claims.

 

 

 

Well I'm proud of it :)

 

It makes ME happy when I'm not judgmental and I'm happy to talk to anyone and be friendly with any person. I like how I don't freeze people out if wr don't click.

 

Every one usually has something they like about themselves. This is just the thing I most calue in myself. . My empathy and kindness to others.

 

I felt awful for hurting that guys feelings. I feel just awful when I do crappy things.

 

Luckily, I don't make a habit out if doing questionable things.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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A key ingredient of being a part of other people in a social way is to observe a few of the "norms" the same way as they do.

 

This does not mean becoming a lemming and following the pack blindly.

 

On the other hand … it might benefit you to take a look around THIS pack of humans. How many times do you see a thread where somebody posts hundreds of times about how "lovely," kind, friendly, wonderful and SLIM they are?

 

Probably only in your own threads.

 

But … do you think it might be possible that this forum is filled with other lovely, kind, friendly, wonderful and SLIM people who don't need to post that about themselves an astronomical number of times per thread? Maybe, even, NEVER?

 

Seriously, in the "real world" a person is judged by their actions. If you find yourself in some environment and feel like nobody likes you, the wise thing to do would be to look at yourself and your behavior first.

 

Sure, there ARE times when one finds themselves in a place peopled by nothing but heinous douchebags, but it's pretty rare once you get out of high school.

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Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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you're going through a break-up and are now on a tour. Have fun. I went on one of those tours once when I was part of a couple and everyone hooked up with everyone else and the couples got excluded from everything. Your biggest mistake was telling ppl on here. Some will be nice to you but most will judge. You are dealing with emotions and are around alcohol a lot. Have fun. And who cares about ppl like that on a trip. You will never see them again.

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AllTooWell Established Member

AllTooWell

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After reading the rest of the thread... yeah nothing to say lol

Edited by AllTooWell
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I haven't been drinking at all. I don't want to get drunk in a foreign country amongst a group of people that don't know me well. The one time I got drunk it ended with me waking up in my room, with no recollection of how I got there, or what I did.

 

Finding out I had vomited all over my roommates bed from OTHER people just confirms that getting wasted in the current circumstances is not ideal. Although I did buy her a present immediately and gave it to her, profusely apologizing. The very next time I saw her.

LBlanc Established Member

LBlanc

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...

 

Also.. they were saying that a LOT of girls on tour, including one girl with a long term boyfriend, have hooked up WAY more than me.

 

Sadly, everyone WITH partners back home have ALL cheated on them...........

 

Scary detail...for guys with gfs going on a tour, I mean. :eek:

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Since arriving in Moscow, Leo, a guy who concluded his leg of the tour in Helsinki, has come to my hotel and stayed the night with me. Every night so far.

 

While people from the tour group have been having room parties and getting wasted every night so far since arriving in Moscow, I've been not drinking, and spending my nights relaxing with him.

 

I highlighted that I'm generally a very nice and likeable enough person, because I make friends easily in general. I have a lot of friends and people who think very highly of me in my life.

 

Of course I look back through the tour and I try to see why I didn't become everyone's buddy; partying every night in one of their rooms. With numerous others from the group.

 

I do look back and anal my actions; I tend to see most things I've done that could make people not interested in being around me.

 

It's not like everyone hates me. At all. Frankly, I'm actually a quiet girl. In person. I am sort of introverted yet I am a social introvert. I prefer to sit and listen to people in a big group setting. At times, I can go to a hostel and easily meet a small bunch of people. I love partying with new people.

 

However, in general, I've discovered that I HATE being in such a huge group of people. It's suffocating. I sort of self conscious and I really dislike standing and walking around 50 people every day.

 

I can see how some things that I did or said could have reflected badly. Though I haven't done too much wrong.

 

I just REALLY enjoy my own time. Right now the group is off sight seeing. Where as the thoughtof being stuck amongst 50 people AGAIN for hours, makes me cringe. I tend to go off to do some shopping, cruise the cafes and spend time online when wi fi is available, only to meet up with everyone at dinner time.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Scary detail...for guys with gfs going on a tour, I mean. :eek:

 

 

 

I don't understand it. I don't look down on people who cheat. Just I, personally, do not even look at another man once I'm in love... or falling in love.

 

I have a lot of casual fun when single. Albeit not sex. On the other hand, I'm extremely loyal once in a relationship.

 

Heck. I felt terrible for kissing guy two in front of guy 1. When guy one made me pronise I wouldn't. Guy 1 is the guy I truly have feelings for the current guy I have going is great though.... I am very attracted to him, he's very smart and funny. We don't have strong enough romantic feelings to give a damn about what the other does with other people. Yet we respect and like each other as people.

 

He speaks fluent Russian. Which I find sexy. I found motor bikes sexy about my ex... the fact he rode one.

Els Established Member

Els

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Scary detail...for guys with gfs going on a tour, I mean. :eek:

 

Meh. Depends entirely on the person.

 

I've been on tour while in a R and didn't cheat. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the whole wide world capable of that. ;)

LBlanc Established Member

LBlanc

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I don't understand it. I don't look down on people who cheat. Just I, personally, do not even look at another man once I'm in love... or falling in love.

 

I have a lot of casual fun when single. Albeit not sex. On the other hand, I'm extremely loyal once in a relationship.

 

Heck. I felt terrible for kissing guy two in front of guy 1. When guy one made me pronise I wouldn't. Guy 1 is the guy I truly have feelings for the current guy I have going is great though.... I am very attracted to him, he's very smart and funny. We don't have strong enough romantic feelings to give a damn about what the other does with other people. Yet we respect and like each other as people.

 

He speaks fluent Russian. Which I find sexy. I found motor bikes sexy about my ex... the fact he rode one.

 

Ahh about the comment... I was just talking about what happens on tours in general.

 

Also, based on your post, I don't think you're a bad person. Perhaps just a little bit unsure about yourself?

 

Meh. Depends entirely on the person.

 

I've been on tour while in a R and didn't cheat. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the whole wide world capable of that. ;)

 

Good to know. :D

 

Still...

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Meh. Depends entirely on the person.

 

I've been on tour while in a R and didn't cheat. I'm sure I'm not the only person in the whole wide world capable of that. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

I mean, I understand. .. it happens to good people. They cheat.

 

Personally, I do not get wasted when I have a partner, if their not present.

 

Seriously: sometimes, when I have shots, I wake up the next day with NO memory of the previous night. Apparently, I kissed a guy on tour that awful night where I had shots and puked on my room mates bed.

 

I just figure that since I obviously lose control when I'm too wasted, and I could potentially hook up with a guy and not even remember, that that is all the evidence I need to NOT get wasted if I'm in a relationship, and my partner is not there with me.

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Why is this in the breaks and BU section anymore?

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Why is this in the breaks and BU section anymore?

 

 

 

Well. My ex broke up with me early last May.

 

I think I was very in love with him.

 

Various guys from my tour have been a helpful distraction from him. I'm truly moving on from him purely based on having so much time away from him. Being in Russia reinforces the notion of space and time spent away from my ex.

 

I really loved him and I'm truly surprised that I'm over the idea of getting back together with him. I get sad over him occasionally. Not often though. Looking back on the relationship normally makes me feel very happy that it happened.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Also- I'm not advocating that newly heartbroken people go and hook up with new people. I'm just a woman who can seperate emotions and sex. Obviously not everyone will enjoy it in th way I do.

 

I rreally love sex within a loving relationship. It's just, through this trip, I've learnt that I don't want to wait to meet the right guy. Before I get to experience hook ups.

 

I want to wait a long time for the right guy.

 

These hook ups have served to HELP get over my ex. Though 95 % of .e moving on from him is down to me and my attitude and outlook on life and relationships.

 

The hot guy's whom I have fun with are FUN. That is a given! I don't tend to sleep with them at all. I just enjoy being in my 20s, with a high sex drive and having very attractive guys who want the same thing as me.

 

For all I know, it could be 10 years before I date a guy seriously again.

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