Confusion_Reigns Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Hello everyone, I wasn't sure where to put this (here, infidelity or other) but decided here's a good place to start...(I decided to post here in other, too, in the hopes I'll get more responses). My questions is: Have you ever fallen out of love?What did it feel like?How did you know that's what was happening?How did you and/or significant other act/react?Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once?My own answers: I don't think I have, but might be experiencing this right now.It hurts but there's also a lightness about the experience.I don't know if this is what's happening now or if I'm just going through some 'phase' and that's a bit concerning to me.My husband is 1) flipping out, 2) blaming me for every bad thing in life, and 3) swinging wildly from loving me to hating me...I never really know what I'm coming home toI don't know and this is why I'm asking...but, yes, I think it's a process that has been in the works for years.Thank you for your thoughts.
TaraMaiden Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 (edited) My questions is: Have you ever fallen out of love? Yes. I'm pretty sure most people who have been 'in' love, have fallen 'out' of it. What did it feel like? Like realising that wonderful, favourite garment is badly worn/doesn't fit any more... How did you know that's what was happening? Because the feelings of 'in' were no longer there... How did you and/or significant other act/react? He felt pretty much the same way, actually... Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? The only way things like this 'happen all at once' is if there is some form of sudden violence or abuse involved. Otherwise, (as in my case) it just quietly.... evolves.... Edited June 26, 2013 by TaraMaiden 1
tryingto Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 My questions is: [*]Have you ever fallen out of love? [*]What did it feel like? [*]How did you know that's what was happening? [*]How did you and/or significant other act/react? [*]Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? 1. Yes 2. It was a slow process. I was becoming "numb" within the relationship and for awhile, so was he. I felt he was taking me for granted. We both just began giving each other less of a priority in our lives. We both over time began putting focus elsewhere....work, hobbies, our son, etc. We had been together for 20 years, since I was 19 years old and began growing apart. Different interests, different priorities. 3. I didn't realize it at first as it was fairly insidious. I knew we were "drifting" apart but at first thought it was a phase. We never made a real effort to come "back" to each other until I said something about how I was feeling. 4. My SO was upset, when I finally told him how I was feeling. He wished I had verbalized it sooner. He wanted to make things better, he started trying harder. He wanted to reconnect/recapture what we had. Unfortunately, I couldn't. Despite trying, I guess it was too late. It saddened me (and still does) because to this day he is still the best man I have ever known. I definitely understand the sentiment, "I love him but am not in love with him." 5. It was a process. We had been in a similar place (although not so far gone) about 10 years prior where we had drifted apart but we were able to re-establish a wonderful, loving relationship for another 10 years but then it happened again, despite some of our efforts to prevent it. This was very different than the process of falling out of love with exMM. At first, I had to "force" it. I felt like I was trying to surgically remove him from my life, from my heart, from my mind. Now almost 7 months later.... I think I have fallen out of love with him. I still have feelings for him and sometimes when I "trigger" I feel anger, sadness, confusion but he definitely takes up much less head (and heart) space than he did. Thank goodness... 1
wanting more Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Hello everyone, I wasn't sure where to put this (here, infidelity or other) but decided here's a good place to start...(I decided to post here in other, too, in the hopes I'll get more responses). My questions is: Have you ever fallen out of love?What did it feel like?How did you know that's what was happening?How did you and/or significant other act/react?Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? [/Thank you for your thoug. Towards my BSO I have fallen out of love. It felt horrible. He's the father of my kids. I was with him since I was 16. It crushed me. I attempted suicide. It was the the worst time ive ever gone thru. It was a process for me, but at the time I didn't realize what was happening. I didn't know from the beginning I was falling out of love. My BSO never acknowledged my feelings (even though I had said it many different times, many different ways) Although it was a slow process, one moment made me realize that I truly didn't love him anymore. The day he punched me in my face and broke my nose and cheek.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Have you ever fallen out of love?What did it feel like?How did you know that's what was happening?How did you and/or significant other act/react?Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? 1. Falling in and out of love usually refers to the cloud nine experience, and when it ends. So in that sense, yes; it's perfectly natural, since the "falling in" aspect is infatuation. What remains afterward, when you remain and work through any issues in the relationship is love, though there are still many forms of love, levels of each form, and everyone has their own interpretation of what love is. 2. It felt like the intoxication of first getting together had worn off. Despite that, we still very much loved each other, and made the effort to work through our issues. Sometimes though, the loss of love (or at least the kind of love it takes to keep a relationship going) can also occur. It's hard to differentiate, at times, whether one is losing the "cloud nine" aspect, or if they're losing more. While my relationship (of 8 and a half years) has undoubtedly had a great deal of love in it, it has been declining over the years. Not to say there isn't any love, but like I said; it feels like it isn't the kind of love it should be, in order for the relationship to last. 3. I didn't know, at first. It took the years being with my partner, and I'm still not sure I fully understand. 4. We've had two break-ups in our relationship. We've gone through all of the emotions involved. Anger at ourselves and each other, frustration, confusion, hurt, resignation, acceptance. We talked things over, sometimes it resulted in arguments. Mind you, that was in regards to before both break-ups. As to now? Well, that's a whole other story. 5. It was definitely a process, especially when we weren't sure what was occurring, and felt we'd both made a mistake in breaking up (and thus, got back together).
spice4life Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 [*]Have you ever fallen out of love? Yes, I have. It happened in my last "real" long term relationship that ended 3 years ago. [*]What did it feel like? It felt like the love just started to slowly die due to a number of reasons. [*]How did you know that's what was happening? I just knew. Each time I tried relaying my concerns and they were disregarded as if my feelings didn't matter or count. The last few years of getting the same response, I just started to drift further away each time my concerns went unaddressed. Then it just died. [*]How did you and/or significant other act/react? In the end when I told him I pulling away, all he was concerned about was how he appeared from a detached point of view. Yeah! He actually verbalized it. Oy. [*]Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? Definitely a process until one day the love was gone. Was over a two year period to be exact. My xMM was a whole different story and I'm confused now about how I feel. First time I've ever felt like this. it's over for good now though, so I guess it doesn't really matter? Not saying that it doesn't matter in a cold way...I'm just confused. My heart is aching soo much today, but I just need to sit with the hurt I'm feeling until the day it's not there anymore. I guess then I will be able to answer you questions. Just can't right now. Ugh. 1
ropes_sapphire Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 My questions is: Have you ever fallen out of love? - YesWhat did it feel like? - Like we became more friends than Married and almost 2 people living completely separate lives just co-existing in the same house for our child.How did you know that's what was happening? - I didn't know it was happening until it was too late, now I look back it was probably happening for a lot longer than I realized.How did you and/or significant other act/react? - He was hurt, angry and very emotional when I told him that is how I felt. Accused me of lying to him for years about my feelings and discarding him like a used tissue... All of which I don't think I did at all. Then he became horrible and started treating me like crap and ostracizing me from all our friends and both families. Still happening and trying to find a way out of it.Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? - It was a process. First I stopped enjoying sex with him, then I tried to avoid intimacy (kissing, hugs etc) then I always wanted to be somewhere other than with him... It was after about a year or so of this behavior from me that I met someone and realized that even though I loved my husband... I wasn't "in love" with him. I will always love him and care for him as a person and never wish him any harm or otherwise. He is an amazing father to our son and was a great husband. Some people just have that connection and others just don't. Unfortunately for us we just don't have it which is sad but better to let each other go and find someone that they can have that spark with. 1
busdriver Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Have you ever fallen out of love? Yes. What did it feel like? It didn't feel like anything, that's the problem! How did you know that's what was happening? When I stopped looked forward to seeing her or missing her when I was away from her. When I stopped thinking of her sexually (if I don't make a mental effort) How did you and/or significant other act/react? She didn't really know until she discovered my A, and even then I couldn't explain it. We have been in MC, and I am trying to understand how mature love works. She sees that I am making the effort, and she sees this as proof of my love and that is enough for her so far. I guess I am trying to say that she doesn't really know. Was it a process? Or did it happen all at once? It was a process. I was mad for her when we got married. It just eroded as we grew apart. We had children, we got comfortable, we stopped talking about anything significant. 2
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 As I read your thoughts I can see that some of these really do match what I'm going through right now. It's a disconcerting experience. It hurts but is also very freeing...I'm not sure I can even put this feeling into words. I love him, sure, I want the best for him and I want him to be happy...but I also no longer want to be intimate or spend time with him, we do because we're married living together...he is trying to 'recapture' but it's all just so...so....forced, so fake. After last weekend he knows where I am at...how I feel and why I feel as I do...and he's ramping it all up...and I just don't know if it's just too late...I don't *feel* it anymore.... This probably isn't the best place for me to talk about this particular issue but thank you again for your thoughts, I do appreciate them. 1
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 My heart goes out to you, Confusion Reigns. How you said you feel about your relationship, it feeling forced? I'm in much the same boat, in my own marriage. It feels awful, and you may even feel like best friends still...but it just doesn't feel right, anymore. Is that the way you feel? And don't worry about it; we all came here looking for input, advice, opinions...any form of feedback to let us know we're not alone. Whatever happens, I hope you come out of this happy. 2
grassisorisntgreener Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 As I read your thoughts I can see that some of these really do match what I'm going through right now. It's a disconcerting experience. It hurts but is also very freeing...I'm not sure I can even put this feeling into words. I love him, sure, I want the best for him and I want him to be happy...but I also no longer want to be intimate or spend time with him, we do because we're married living together...he is trying to 'recapture' but it's all just so...so....forced, so fake. After last weekend he knows where I am at...how I feel and why I feel as I do...and he's ramping it all up...and I just don't know if it's just too late...I don't *feel* it anymore.... This probably isn't the best place for me to talk about this particular issue but thank you again for your thoughts, I do appreciate them. I feel like we are the exact same person. 1
Leegh Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 When I am falling out of love, I don't think about the person as much, unless I am around them. In addition, I don't get dressed up or really care that much what I look like if he is around, in other words, no make-up. With one guy it turned into more of a deep attachment, rather than falling out of love.
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