nerd Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 And somehow it feels worse than I'd thought. The girl broke up with me (guy) rather civilly and in person, after a month or so of dating. Claimed she wasn't ready for a relationship, which I interpret as meaning that she's not ready for one with me. Fine. I see her around sometimes. First time she either ignored or didn't notice me. Second time, a couple weeks later, she approached me, but I ignored and kept walking. Otherwise, neither of us has reached out to the other. I've rearranged my schedule so it's unlikely I'll see her for the next couple weeks. I hope that'll me get over her. I suspect she would like to be friends or acquaintances, but I'm the kind of person who can't do that until I'm utterly indifferent, and that takes months for me, if not years. Break up was a few weeks ago. At this rate, I'll be grieving the relationship longer than the relationship itself lasted. Partly it's that just a couple days before the break-up, I let myself believe things were going well and I didn't have to worry about her breaking things off. Probably partly because I'm getting old (mid-30s) and have yet to have a LTR - this, at a month, was my longest so far. Some of that is because I wasn't very attractive before, part of it is because I pushed away those who were attracted to me. I've been on a couple dates since. At the least, when I'm with other girls I don't think of her. But during idle moments I do, a lot. It's frustrating. At least it was only after a month. And of course it would have been silly to expect that my first relationship of note would be the one that lasts a lifetime. But it was a nice thought while it lasted. OK. Time to stop moping. Thanks for reading.
TaraMaiden Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 And somehow it feels worse than I'd thought. The girl broke up with me (guy) rather civilly and in person, after a month or so of dating. Claimed she wasn't ready for a relationship, which I interpret as meaning that she's not ready for one with me. Fine. I see her around sometimes. First time she either ignored or didn't notice me. Second time, a couple weeks later, she approached me, but I ignored and kept walking. Otherwise, neither of us has reached out to the other. I've rearranged my schedule so it's unlikely I'll see her for the next couple weeks. I hope that'll me get over her. I suspect she would like to be friends or acquaintances, but I'm the kind of person who can't do that until I'm utterly indifferent, and that takes months for me, if not years. Break up was a few weeks ago. At this rate, I'll be grieving the relationship longer than the relationship itself lasted. Partly it's that just a couple days before the break-up, I let myself believe things were going well and I didn't have to worry about her breaking things off. Probably partly because I'm getting old (mid-30s) and have yet to have a LTR - this, at a month, was my longest so far. Some of that is because I wasn't very attractive before, part of it is because I pushed away those who were attracted to me. I've been on a couple dates since. At the least, when I'm with other girls I don't think of her. But during idle moments I do, a lot. It's frustrating. At least it was only after a month. And of course it would have been silly to expect that my first relationship of note would be the one that lasts a lifetime. But it was a nice thought while it lasted. OK. Time to stop moping. Thanks for reading. Question: Why did you 'ignore her and keep walking'....? What if she had actually plucked up the courage to approach you and say "I was wrong, should we try again?" Getting over something by Going No Contact has it's merits (as I keep banging on about) but you have enough grey matter between your ears to evaluate a 'live' situation pretty quickly. And 'live contact' is always different to texts, emails or voice messages.... Did you 'feel' her approach would have been trite and trivial, as opposed to contrite and conciliatory?
Author nerd Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 What if she had actually plucked up the courage to approach you and say "I was wrong, should we try again?" That's what I've been wondering about. I ignored her because I was worried that I'd beg for her back or be really mean or something similar I'd regret later. So I had previously planned to just ignore her if I saw her, and followed through on it. Unfortunately, I'm not sure whether it was a serious or trite approach, because I was distracted and didn't notice her until I had only a few seconds to react, and ignoring her seemed like the safest thing to do. In the past I've misinterpreted friendly gestures as romantic interest, so I don't really trust my grey matter when it comes to such things... It wasn't until after it actually happened that the possibility you raise came to mind. Mainly because it seems to be so rare that it happens, and she's the kind of person who would be willing to pick up the phone and call (I haven't blocked her or anything) if she had changed her mind. Though we have a casual social circle in common and she could conceivably have been waiting until we crossed paths. But she's also the kind of person who would *not* call me based on my reaction to her, even if she had wanted to re-engage. So, not the best example of contingency planning. I'm tempted to call her up and ask if she'd like to try again, but given that I think the answer is likely no... Part of me thinks I have nothing to lose, and it may help me get over her to hear again she's not interested. But the other part of me thinks that I'm giving myself false hope by thinking she might be interested, and it's better to just let it die.
Recommended Posts