10yearsgone Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 background here, i dated a girl for 10 almost 11 years, and was engaged to be married. about 3 months before the wedding i broke it off because i got the GIGS, for another girl. I had gotten them before, twice before, but i still loved my fiance very much, but i was never really single (gf through senior year HS, we broke up, dated my fiance almost immediately after) so i felt i was missing something, missing being single, hence the gigs for anyone who paid attention to me really. So i ended the relationship for my current girlfriend (GIGS) but still strung my fiance along, all the while hanging out with, my current ex (sex, etc...with both). that lasted 4 months and my fiance had it and moved on. i was devastated! i went crazy (text, called, cried a lot, and we still lived together). I turned to my GIGS girl for comfort, and moved out temporarily so i could keep some sanity. i couldnt do the NC, and i dont think i ever lasted more than a week or so, because we lived together. she moved out after 2 months, and started the downward spiral, foreclosure on the house, etc...not wanting to be alone i dated GIGS and all through this, the past 3 years, i never really got over my ex. well this burden was too much to bear and it really caused much pain. i turned to alcohol, probably borderline, if not full blown alcoholism! though i am still able to succed at my career. i even bought the same breed dog my ex and i had, though it has turned out to be a blessing, he is a wonderful animal and has probably saved me from staying out too late/drunk so i can take care of him. i wanted to keep my GIGS around, because i liked her, and she was/is a good person, and i did love her. well i got the gigs again and texted a girl id hooked up with previously, but 5 years ago or so...GIGS found out and now im out again. (i had moved in with her 3 months ago, now forced to move out). i was, possibly still in lust or love with my ex fiance, i would never say positive things about GIGS during emails or texting with my ex fiance. stuff of an ********* indeed...the rappor with GIGS has always been great, though we fight a little time to time, never anything major. i still do love her, but i was never able to give her 100% of my heart because i was hung up on my ex fiance. this was not healthy for me at all. i guess im 1) just laying it out there, feels good to tell my story i guess. 2) should i give GIGS some space and go NC? i dont want to upset her anymore than i have, but i know i still need to get over my ex fiance, which im working on by reading on here as much as i can, reading as many stories as i can. i already know there is not future with me ex fiance, she has told me so. but she still texts me/emails me about random things, not even breadcrumbs. WTH is wrong with me?
AnnieB Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 And you are ruining other peoples lives. That's the short version. The long version is how to fix it. You have a lot going on, the best for you and them is that you separate and see a therapist, engage in activities like yoga, meditation, so that you get accustomed to being alone with yourself and your thoughts. As you practice more you will have more decision space as to what you want your life to be. You are not in control right now, you need to regain your control and none of it has to do with the girlfriends. Let them all go. Feed your dog. background here, i dated a girl for 10 almost 11 years, and was engaged to be married. about 3 months before the wedding i broke it off because i got the GIGS, for another girl. I had gotten them before, twice before, but i still loved my fiance very much, but i was never really single (gf through senior year HS, we broke up, dated my fiance almost immediately after) so i felt i was missing something, missing being single, hence the gigs for anyone who paid attention to me really. So i ended the relationship for my current girlfriend (GIGS) but still strung my fiance along, all the while hanging out with, my current ex (sex, etc...with both). that lasted 4 months and my fiance had it and moved on. i was devastated! i went crazy (text, called, cried a lot, and we still lived together). I turned to my GIGS girl for comfort, and moved out temporarily so i could keep some sanity. i couldnt do the NC, and i dont think i ever lasted more than a week or so, because we lived together. she moved out after 2 months, and started the downward spiral, foreclosure on the house, etc...not wanting to be alone i dated GIGS and all through this, the past 3 years, i never really got over my ex. well this burden was too much to bear and it really caused much pain. i turned to alcohol, probably borderline, if not full blown alcoholism! though i am still able to succed at my career. i even bought the same breed dog my ex and i had, though it has turned out to be a blessing, he is a wonderful animal and has probably saved me from staying out too late/drunk so i can take care of him. i wanted to keep my GIGS around, because i liked her, and she was/is a good person, and i did love her. well i got the gigs again and texted a girl id hooked up with previously, but 5 years ago or so...GIGS found out and now im out again. (i had moved in with her 3 months ago, now forced to move out). i was, possibly still in lust or love with my ex fiance, i would never say positive things about GIGS during emails or texting with my ex fiance. stuff of an ********* indeed...the rappor with GIGS has always been great, though we fight a little time to time, never anything major. i still do love her, but i was never able to give her 100% of my heart because i was hung up on my ex fiance. this was not healthy for me at all. i guess im 1) just laying it out there, feels good to tell my story i guess. 2) should i give GIGS some space and go NC? i dont want to upset her anymore than i have, but i know i still need to get over my ex fiance, which im working on by reading on here as much as i can, reading as many stories as i can. i already know there is not future with me ex fiance, she has told me so. but she still texts me/emails me about random things, not even breadcrumbs. WTH is wrong with me? 1
hotpotato Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 (edited) If you are honest with yourself, you may discover you are more in love with the attention than with who they are. You said you would go to them for comfort or go with the first girl who gave you attention...Im a bit confused because you said you wanted to experience single life, but youve only jumped from girl to girl. Time for some alone time. Edited June 26, 2013 by hotpotato
Author 10yearsgone Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 You are not in control right now, you need to regain your control and none of it has to do with the girlfriends. Let them all go. Feed your dog. Yeah i hear ya there, i am not in control at all...but i do feed my dog, he eats better than i do i think. If you are honest with yourself, you may discover you are more in love with the attention than with who they are. You said you would go to them for comfort or go with the first girl who gave you attention...Im a bit confused because you said you wanted to experience single life, but youve only jumped from girl to girl. Time for some alone time. yeah i think being single for a second then jump to the first girl that pays me attention, this is a problem for me...i dont want to be that way! New here...what is G.I.G.S.? Grass is Greener Syndrome (probably not a syndrome but a state of mind or something)
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