Mariibabii Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Hello All, I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. I am 22 and he is 24 years old. We met at work a year and a half ago. After I quit that job, a few months later, we began talking on Facebook. After I found out we went to the same college, we started hanging out and eventually a month later we started dating. In the beginning, we Facebook messaged for 2 months, all day long. Then eventually we moved to texts all day long. In the past 2 to 3 months the texts are trickling off to the point I'm lucky enough to get one text later on in the day and a good night text. When he's at work, we text more but when he's off I only see two texts a day. I can count on my hands the amounts of time we've talked on the phone, and 99% of the time, it's me initiating the call. He only called me when he was on break. In person, he is affectionate, passionate, and we get along great. People say we make a cute couple and look happy. I'm getting the vibe that he's the type of guy that doesn't want his life to be all about his girlfriend. My other problem is the transportation issue. I just got a licence but I still don't have a car. I make the two hour train and bus ride to go see him. It's only a 45 min drive, which I've done once. He doesn't have a licence or a car. I live at home and my dad doesn't like him too much so he's only been in my house once. I see him once a week and always it's me that's going to his house. He's only come out to my town three times. I don't have the money to go see him every day day he's off and I use my savings to go and see him. I don't have a job an am looking. So in regards to these two issues, should I talk to him about them or should I cut my losses? We are the same personality type and have similar interests. It's very hard for me to find someone that is like that.
FitChick Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 If he wants to get laid he will have to come to you at least half the time. 2
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Of course he isn't texting you non stop. That initial infatuation isn't there anymore. But if he is still lovely, fun and passionate what does constant texting have to do with anything? As for the transport issue, it's kind if hard for him to visit you when you say your dad doesn't like him. You can raise it with him. But seeing as neither of you drive, it's inevitable someone will visit the other person more. 1
Author Mariibabii Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Of course he isn't texting you non stop. That initial infatuation isn't there anymore. But if he is still lovely, fun and passionate what does constant texting have to do with anything? As for the transport issue, it's kind if hard for him to visit you when you say your dad doesn't like him. You can raise it with him. But seeing as neither of you drive, it's inevitable someone will visit the other person more. First, I love your avatar. It's Nina Simone, I love her. I'm not expecting him to quit his life to text me all day but a little more texting is what I wanted. Especially when we talk about our days and he tells me, "I didn't do anything all day." Or a phone call at least once every few days. I'm his first major girlfriend, and he spends a lot of time alone but sometimes with friends. Being his first, do you think this is why he's not used to talking on the phone to a female? We are both really introverted people. When we worked together, we talked for hours. When we're in person, I talk more than he does. He says he loves it though. lol. He knows that if he comes out here, I could borrow my brother's car and take us out somewhere. Plus my dad travels a lot and he knows that. Mom likes him so that's not a prob. Thanks for your advice. 1
Author Mariibabii Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 If he wants to get laid he will have to come to you at least half the time. I feel like that somedays lol.
Ripnet Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 How can he call if your father is in the way and he doesn't like him? You can do texting only so much then it gets tiring. 1
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 First, I love your avatar. It's Nina Simone, I love her. I'm not expecting him to quit his life to text me all day but a little more texting is what I wanted. Especially when we talk about our days and he tells me, "I didn't do anything all day." Or a phone call at least once every few days. I'm his first major girlfriend, and he spends a lot of time alone but sometimes with friends. Being his first, do you think this is why he's not used to talking on the phone to a female? We are both really introverted people. When we worked together, we talked for hours. When we're in person, I talk more than he does. He says he loves it though. lol. He knows that if he comes out here, I could borrow my brother's car and take us out somewhere. Plus my dad travels a lot and he knows that. Mom likes him so that's not a prob. Thanks for your advice. Firstly, 1,000,000 points for the Nina Simone love. Secondly. The thing about communication is, that we all have different opinions on what is 'too little, too much, just right'. So if when you're together everything is fine, I wouldnt worry too much about phone calls. I personally hate phone calls unless it is to relay a quick message. Third. I can see your frustation with the visits. You didnt add that info about the mum, the dad travelling a lot etc in the original post. Considering that, I can actually see your frustation if he NEVER visits you. I'd suggest raising it again but in a calm, non nagging manner and explaining you'd really love it if he visited you a bit more. After 8 months, I think he should be noticing its only you making the effort.
shexy Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 He needs to make some effort too.... If he wants to see you, he can come to you sometimes too. If he NEVER puts forth the effort, you kind of have your answer. 1
GilianaK Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I don't see talking to him as having any effect. He is not acting like a bf but you are acting like a gf if he truly loves you he would want to see you as much as possible and actually call you or contact you once a day. That is not asking too much. I think you need to stop going out of your way and spending the little money you have on visiting him. Also, stop calling him or texting him and let him pick up the ball. What you are doing is not working. You have set yourself up to be taken for granted. If he wants to see you let him take the initiative, car or no car. It doesn't matter how much you have in common, etc if you are not getting your needs met.
Author Mariibabii Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 So I set up a date with him last Wed for him to come over. No dice. He didn't even tell me he wasn't coming, I had to call him. Then this weekend, he said he would come over this week. He knows I'm leaving for a vacation on Thursday. He said he has Monday and Tuesday off. He didn't come over Monday. I asked him last night if he was coming over today. He said, "I wasn't planning on it...I think I'll catch you when you get back." I've been texting him less and whenever I text him I almost immediately get a text back. But like I said, when he's off work, he doesn't text me back. Yesterday, he was having a movie marathon, so he wasn't "extremely busy".
MidwestUSA Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 He's not interested in having you as a "girlfriend". Enjoy your vacation and don't spend a minute of it thinking about him. The chances of him 'catching you when you get back' are slim. He may throw you one breadcrumb, but you have to ignore it. So sorry. 2
clia Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Are you positive he's your boyfriend? I'm only half kidding. He is clearly not interested in having you for a girlfriend, since he appears to be putting no effort in and doesn't even have the courtesy to call you when he is canceling plans. Seriously, you can do better than this. It's time to end things and go no contact. 2
Author Mariibabii Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 UPDATE: So I dumped him and am single again! lol 7
SantistaUSA Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 UPDATE: So I dumped him and am single again! lol YAY Now enjoy your vacation! :-) 1
Cressida Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I think you did the right thing. I'm new here (just became a member, 45 mins ago actually) but I've been lurking on this website for a long time. I've had the same problem for years, with different men/boys. At some point they'd stop being interested or putting in effort. Or steady boyfriend got secretive, introvert and wanted to spend more time alone. The only thing one can do in these situations is NOTHING. The more you try to hammer someone, especially a man you're dating/in a relationship with, the more they'll resent and run away from you. Men need a challenge. Even if they're shy. If he doesn't muster what it takes to put in some kind of effort then you're wasting your time because you are not being correctly valued, and YOUR effort is in vain. Let HIM decide while you get busy getting a job, making friends, following your interests. You might find a much better person right in your city. Who knows. 1
Author Mariibabii Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 YAY Now enjoy your vacation! :-) I did. I'm back now. Thank you!
sdraw108 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It's nice to read a thread where someone did the right thing for themselves and dumped someone who didn't deserve them, instead of staying in a toxic relationship. Congratulations! I know it feels bad, but now you can move on to better things.
Mrlonelyone Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Great. Now just enjoy being you and someone better will enter your life at the right time. 1
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