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Re-establishing contact, what is 'too much'?


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Posted

Recently, an ex of mine (we've been split for 2.5 years) has re-established contact. We've been very low contact up until this point, send the birthday email and that's it for the last 2 years.

 

So what is considered healthy 'catching up'? We've exchanged about 10 emails between the both of us in just a few short days. I kind of feel overwhelmed, like it's too much too soon. No calls/texts as we live in different countries.

 

I'm not sure what his motives are, I'm not sure if he's just catching up or wants to re-establish something. Guys, would you email an ex daily just to catch up or do you think there is more there?

 

I don't even know what to do with this. I believe in second chances, but I don't think I could go there with him - too many barriers.

 

I'm just curious what the frequency of communication is like for others that have re-established contact?

Posted

He probably wants to re-establish something. Guys usually don't get back in touch just for no reason. Girls, yes, with girlfriends, but not usually guys. I had a guy recently call me that I hadn't heard from in months, and he wanted to go out. It is a good sign that he is contacting you, but take your time deciding what you want to do about it.

  • Author
Posted
He probably wants to re-establish something. Guys usually don't get back in touch just for no reason. Girls, yes, with girlfriends, but not usually guys. I had a guy recently call me that I hadn't heard from in months, and he wanted to go out. It is a good sign that he is contacting you, but take your time deciding what you want to do about it.

 

I think you might be right...the most recent email he sent implied visiting me, not directly, but reffered to 'if he were do visit, what sights are must sees'. I'd be cool with it, if it was pre-established that this is a friend visit and no expectations. Hard to tell if he's just trying to get a glimpse of my world or trying to establish himself in it.

  • 1 month later...
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Posted

So, here's an update on this since it's been over a month. We are exchanging emails once every week or so. He has said some things which make me wonder what his angle is...namely that it's crazy that some things remind him of 'us'. And bringing up places we visited and him missing certain events/locations we went to.

 

I didn't respond to the part about 'things reminding me of us'. Mostly because although when we broke up there was plenty that reminded me of him, I haven't had a 'reminder' in over a year, maybe 1.5 years. I think it's kind of strange he still has reminders over 2.5 years later.

 

Is that someone just reminiscing, or tossing bread crumbs? I'm curious what the guys think of this. He was the dumper fyi.

 

I'm more so just curious, as it stands I do not wish to get back together. When he broke up with me he stated he loved me but was not 'in love' with me. I don't think I could have those feelings for him again because of that.

 

Do ex's bring up these kinds of things when just looking to re-establish friendship?

Posted

There are billions of other people to talk to and message. He is messaging you because he wants more than friends or some sort of closure.

 

He probably still loves you. After all these years and most likely all those failed relationships and screws he has had since break up he has realized he loves you the most and misses you.

 

Do you want him back?

  • Author
Posted
There are billions of other people to talk to and message. He is messaging you because he wants more than friends or some sort of closure.

 

He probably still loves you. After all these years and most likely all those failed relationships and screws he has had since break up he has realized he loves you the most and misses you.

 

Do you want him back?

 

I don't think it's a closure issue, we already went through 'apologies & why we failed' about 6 months after breakup. I think he's a good guy and I like him as a person, but I'm not in love with him, I don't think it's possible to regain any romantic feelings.

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