CopingAndSurviving Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 (I apologize for how lengthy this post is.) After the-one-that-got-away dumped me in late July of 2012, I felt empty and decided I needed a new, not-so-serious companion. I stumbled across a Midwestern boy over the internet in late December. We hit it off and started texting right away but lost touch after a weekend. We regained it when I saw him signed onto Skype in late January and from that moment forward, we fell for each other fast. We talked on the phone almost every other night and texted all day, everyday. We became "official" without having ever met or Skyped in late February of 2013. As the months rolled by, we began having more and more issues. We were both insecure messes that couldn't trust each other and it resulted in me dumping him at least once a week. We spoke on the phone once a week at the most and even then sometimes we'd go two weeks without speaking. In late May he had taken a weekend trip up to his family's cabin. His family had invited another family who happened to have a daughter around our age. We texted all throughout Friday evening/night but in the midst of a fight the following morning, he told me he had cheated on me with her. I repeatedly insulted him in a rage and thought it was the end of the relationship. Later on that day, I felt completely broken, so I texted him. Stupid me, I know. I told him I felt like I was spiralling down into a black hole. He apologized endlessly and immediately called me. He told me he "ordered" the girl he cheated on me with to go home and she did. I didn't believe him and still don't 'til this day, but I was desperate to be with him that I forgave what happened and we moved forward. From that point on, everything went to slime. The breakups became more frequent and we said harsher words to each other when we fought. At one point I broke up with him and we didn't speak for four days. What upset me most is he didn't care that him visiting that cabin gave me anxiety. I told him I didn't want him going up there anymore because it would make me uneasy and he would simply reply with "Why? Nothing's going to happen." I would also mention that him going to other places (i.e. a party) stressed me out, but he'd blow me off and go anyway. Fast forward to yesterday, we broke up once more and he said he wasn't sure if he wanted me back. He said he was numb from all the times I had dumped him and wasn't sure if he wanted to be hurt again. We did end up reconciling briefly until I asked if he would care if I left again. He responded with "No, I wouldn't. You've broken up with me too many times for me to care anymore." I then asked if he had another girl he'd pursue if him and I broke-up. He replied with "Yes, but I don't think I should tell you who." I asked him to be honest and he said he'd pursue the girl he cheated on me with. I then asked why he would agree to be with a girl who lives states away when he could just pursue the other girl since she lives nearby. He responded with "I don't know." I was shattered. About an hour later we had a discussion in which we agreed that we should breakup for good. I apologized for all the times I repeatedly dumped him and he replied with "And the s--tty part is, I still want you back. I don't know what to do." But I decided it was best if we broke it off. It was clear he didn't respect or care about me anymore. He was simply in the relationship because he was used to me. He already had another girl lined up and everything. Who knows, they may have already been pursuing each other while I was still with him. Sigh. We never met in person and he never seemed to have a desire to visit me or vice versa. Anytime I'd mention visiting him, he'd reply coldly and not sound very excited. In addition, we never Skyped. He said he didn't like Skype and every time I'd mention going on, he'd make an excuse as to why he couldn't. It was a 90% text relationship with 10% of it being phone calls. That's it. So why am I so heartbroken? It was very real to me, emotionally, but logically it was four months of obsessive texting and loving the idea of each other. I need some tough love and/or encouragement. Thank you for reading. xo
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