lostinlove101 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 We're supposed to be friends, but we've only texted and messaged on FB since he broke things off about a month ago. We didn't date that long (maybe 6 weeks) but we dated and were friends for like 5 years about 15 years ago. We reconnected after he contacted me via a dating site we were both on. The minute I saw that he contacted me I thought, ugh- I don't like to dip my toe in the same river twice, you know. But then I thought people change and grow and I don't even remember why we stopped talking 15 yrs ago.. I think we just drifted apart ( we were in our 20s then). Anyway, things started out really strong and we talked for hrs on the phone. We saw each other weekly, but his life is not together. I know where I'm going and what I want, he does a lot of magical thinking ( I'm realizing) with respect to dreams and what he can accomplish at the rate he's going.. Not to be mean but it's true. I talk about my feelings and want a partner who communicates and I thought he was like that but it turns out he thinks I'm too intense - I guess cause I want to talk about everything- although he HAD given me the green light to "ask him about anything." Is this his magical thinking acting up?? I just am tired of being alone, tired of kissing frogs, tired of dating people only to be disappointed, heartbroken and depressed. I feel like an addict in my quest for a relationship and I'm tired of it. I want to be friends with him, but want him to make some effort, I.e. picking up then phone especially since he called it quits. Anyone been in a similar boat? Or is anyone else IN a similar boat. I'd like to feel less alone out here.
theonlyjuan Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Kind of. I am meant to be friends with my ex but we have only text a few times and on FB too. The conversations are always short and like neither of us are being ourselves. Makes me think, "what is the point" ? I too am sick and tired of failed relationships and ending up right where I started. I hate sharing my hobbies and interests with them especially music, and then we break up. Now whenever I do those things or listen to that music it hurts more. Sometimes think that maybe, I am meant to be alone. It just always seems to go too well and then out of nowhere it ends. I won't give up hope but I am definitely going to stop looking so hard for it I guess the saying is true, someone comes along when you stop looking. I bloody hope so!
Author lostinlove101 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 But he's the one who broke up with me! We're supposed to be friends but I don't want to be the first to call!! Can't focus, obsessed today. Help
Hopeinme Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Exactly. You said it! He dumped you, do you think he wants to hear from you again? I'm sorry. But if he did, he would have made that move. You CANNOT call him, you are just going to end up hurting yourself. Please, I know how hard it is but you have to resist yourself and the urge to contact him will get lesser and lesser. X
HopelessRomantick Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 You can't be friends. It's very rare that two people can be friends after sharing an emotional relationship. Use me as your example. I agreed to be her BFF and maintain communication after she broke up with me. Not only was that selfish of her it was also cruel to do that to me. But I am a fool and I let it happen. That was 11 months ago and still struggling with pain and grief. Within the past week things have happened and I am done. She left me for another that she met while we were together. She quickly entered a relationship with him despite her saying she wanted to date. They are now living together and she is not happy and being abused. But I know she will never come back. I doubt I would take her back anyway if she did. I will say goodbye to her in an email. I will write it but if I send it I am not sure yet. Don't do it and don't be friends. You will only prolong your suffering and healing process. 1
sprucegoose Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Don't contact him. You can do better! Don't let fear of being alone be the reason to want to be with him. 1
Inviv_girl Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Write here on LS instead of contacting him! we are all here for you. He is NOT your friends! to be his friends will only prolong your pain! we are your friends now He broke up with you, he wants a life without you so be it! let him go, he is not worth it! why would you call him just to feed his ego...Dont! just dont! delete his number NOW! Focus on your self healing and try not to think about that a$$whole 2
LinkWorshiper Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Recently had to tell my ex that we shouldn't see each other for a while after I realized that he was stringing me along. It is hard because I can also tell that he is confused and doesn't know what the hell he wants, but trying to be friendly with him and rebuild things from the ground up only worked so much. It started getting hazy when I was clear in what I wanted to do with the relationship and he was still pretty obviously unsure. I know it sounds so counter-intuitive, and I have to fight myself every day to remind myself of it, but NC I think really is what makes the chips fall where they're meant to. I think we as humans logically think that we have to be DOING something to make the situation better, but sometimes if you leave it alone and give it space to breathe, it flourishes in the best way. At least, that's what I keep telling myself whenever I get the urge to call my ex, whom I still love dearly. 1
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