atlg8r Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I haven't really dated in seven years because of my previous relationship. Met this guy at church and we've been out together twice. Had a great time both times. On paper, he really matches what I'm looking for, plus I think he's just an incredibly handsome man. However, he's said a couple things to me by text message that I can't decide if they are insensitive and I should be irritated or if it's just him trying to make a joke that came across poorly. Last night, my A/C broke and I was pretty irritated/frustrated/upset. It was hot in my house, the maint. people wouldn't come until this morning and I had a tense phone call with them about it. He just kept teasing me, and I really would have liked a "man that sucks" or "sorry, it will be better tomorrow." Anything supportive at all, ya know? Then today, I told him the maint. man came right after I'd gotten out of the shower, which was pretty uncomfortable. He said "sounds like the 1 am time slot on cinemax" to which I replied "Oh is that the kind of girl you think I am?" And he goes "Well you did stay at my place til 4 am". We did nothing but make out a little, but that really rubbed me the wrong way. I said back "Well I won't make that mistake again." And he says "hahaha you're funny". I get that guys aren't women, and they may not be as sensitive as I'd like, but I need to know that he at least respects me. The latter issue is really making me question that. I don't know if I should back off, keep seeing him and wait it out or say something. We are having dinner tomorrow night. Thoughts?
Bigcitydreamer Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I've dated guys like that and I wondered if they respected me also! It really takes a toll on you always wondering if they are being disrespectful. My current theory on situations like this is that this is simply just his personality. He probably respects you as much as he can respect anyone. He is probably just a person who tends to make slightly offensive comments. I'd say it's just a personality trait that he will most likely alway have. He might be able to be corrected in the future depending on how much it upsets you and how willing he is to change. For example I dated this guy who was always making similar comments. I wondered is it me? Why does he say this stuff. We broke up and his next girlfriend had the same identical issues with him! Coincidence? I think not. Clearly it's just his nature to be what I would consider rude! So really its all a matter of whether you can handle this and not take offense to his personality!
Leegh Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I don't think he said anything terrible, but if I were in your shoes, I would hesitate to see him again. Possibly you could go on the dinner date, and see how that goes, before totally writing him off. Speaking for myself, he probably would not be my personality type, but sometimes the way someone says something, whether they are joking or serious can have a lot to do with it, and since I didn't hear the tone of his actual words, it is hard for me to render an opinion. Good Luck
Lansing Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Maybe because you met him at church you are expecting a higher standard. I am curious what kind of "teasing" messages he was senting you about it being hot. I guess he was trying to make you laugh vs. worry about the heat... .. I always find a "that sucks" message so cliche.
TaraMaiden Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Is the fact that he views you as a sexually desirable object as well as a potential date, flattering or insulting to you?
CherryT Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Perhaps the joke was a little offside when you asked "is that the kind of girl you think I am". But other than that, perhaps you were expecting too much of someone you have only been out with 2 times. He hardly knows you and you hardly know him... and for you to expect him to be that supportive BF-kind-of-guy, it probably didn't even register with him. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Conversely, it's a damn cheek to make that kind of innuendo, when he's only had 2 dates with her so far... that's crossing a line, surely....?
Author atlg8r Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Conversely, it's a damn cheek to make that kind of innuendo, when he's only had 2 dates with her so far... that's crossing a line, surely....? I like that he finds me attractive. He's mostly been respectful about it, but I am concerned about the fact I stayed at his house til so late. However, we just made out, and I even told him that night and the next time we hung out that I hoped I hadn't given him the wrong idea; that I'm not interested in getting too physical too early on. Perhaps the joke was a little offside when you asked "is that the kind of girl you think I am". But other than that, perhaps you were expecting too much of someone you have only been out with 2 times. He hardly knows you and you hardly know him... and for you to expect him to be that supportive BF-kind-of-guy, it probably didn't even register with him. My sister said the same thing....that we don't know each other that well yet, and so expecting him to be all sensitive and supportive now might be asking too much. Also, my last boyfriend was probably far more sensitive than any guy should ever be, so maybe my expectations are skewed. Most of my friends seem to be in consensus with you here: go out with him again, file this as something to watch for and see how it goes. Also in case you missed it, these exchanges were all via text, which can make it hard to read cues and context anyway.
StarsOnFire Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I agree with you, texts get lost in translation sometimes. Honestly, maybe he felt like he was supposed to say something sexualish back to your message that the maintenance man came right as you got out of the show. If even one of my friends sent me that text I'd probably say something like he said, completely joking around. 2
Author atlg8r Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 I agree with you, texts get lost in translation sometimes. Honestly, maybe he felt like he was supposed to say something sexualish back to your message that the maintenance man came right as you got out of the show. If even one of my friends sent me that text I'd probably say something like he said, completely joking around. Good point that I hadn't thought of. He got a new job today and texted me about it, and things seemed back to "normal." I'm going to chalk this up to miscommunication via text and then just be observant in the future. Thanks! 1
BradJacobs Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Conversely, it's a damn cheek to make that kind of innuendo, when he's only had 2 dates with her so far... that's crossing a line, surely....? Really?! With a girl that stayed at my place until 4am, I'm not allowed to make light of it? The guy was trying to bring some levity to the situation. 1
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