ryan_ferguson Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Hi, Looking for a place to vent and get some outside advice. Three weeks ago my girlfriend and I of 7 months broke up. She dumped me. We were best friends before we started dating and lived together with a group of friends. Because we were so close, it seemed like our relationship was always a bit more advanced than the average time-frame: we went on vacations, visited family together, etc. She broke up with me because she said she is really lost and needs to figure out her life. She is moving back home with her parents and quit her job and is generally going through the post-college blues. It was a tough break-up, lots of crying and what not. But she reassured me that she, in a perfect world, would find out what her life means and we would get back together. And I told her that is exactly what I wanted. We would talk at least a little bit every day, though it involved some fighting and arguing over what our break-up meant. I told her I didn't want to see other people while we figured our lives out, but she said that wasn't the point and that there should be no connections and if it's meant to be, it will be. Fast-forward to this week and we have started talking a lot again. Pretty much all day via text. And a lot of "I miss you's" and "I love you's" and "I really want this to work out in the end". Well we decided to Skype and she told me she had made a huge rebound mistake after we broke up. Pretty much she hooked up with her extremely manipulative and controlling ex-boyfriend one night. She said it was a huge mistake and she was lonely and desperate and wishes she could take it back. Since then she told the ex that he cannot ever be a part of her life again and she has cut him completely out. And she has said she is so sorry that it hurt me so much, and if she had known how much I dislike the guy, she never would have done it. Basically that it was a huge desperate mistake by a depressed person not knowing what they are doing. We aren't planning on getting back together anytime soon, but we both professed that we want this to work out in the end. I was upfront and told her I am not sure if I can ever trust her again because she broke my heart and then took actions to further that pain. I do want to work things out with her. What I am not sure of is if I can ever fully trust her again? As I said, I told her this and she said she understands. She wants to prove that she has completely cut her ex out of the picture. She also said she wants to prove to me that I can trust her, and the first step of that is (though I have not asked) that she is not going to hook up with anyone else while she figures out her life and whether we can be together. I just don't know if this is something to get extremely upset over? Is it a big monumental thing? Or is it a stupid rebound that we all have at some point? If I was given the opportunity, I probably would have hooked up with someone too. But most assuredly not with my most recent previous ex.
Arabella Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Well, my friend.... she broke up with you! She might have hooked up with her ex, but she realized it was a bad idea if she intended on repairing the relationship with you, so she was honest about it and cut him out. I'm not sure what to fault her for, if anything. But if I were in your situation, I'd be completely devastated as well. So, I get it. But ultimately it's not like she cheated on you -- and she cut out the guy afterward anyway. So, it's up to you whether you believe you can get past it or not.
Jono85 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 ah man, young chicks.. you seem a bit naïve. and I was too when I was younger. but she broke up with you. it doesn't matter what she cited as the reason, the real reason was that she wanted to get with other guys guilt free. and that is what she's doing, although her ex likely still wants no part of her, just a nice bang, so it probably hurt her quite a bit and is crying to you about it. look, I realize you loved and still love this girl. but she broke it off. don't listen to what she's saying, it means absolutely nothing. actions are important, words aren't. don't bother asking her to stay "committed" while you're broken up lol. that's silly. you'd still be together if she still wanted to be committed to you and you only; she'd just ask for your patience when working through her stuff. this is over man. it doesn't mean you guys will never end up back together, but don't have that mentality. it will hold you back. she dumped you, and is feeding you a lot of sh*t to rid the guilt she has for basically not wanting to be with you anymore for no absolute reason other than she wants to try other dudes. breakups hurt, they suck. but stop talking with this chick, she betrayed you. start dealing with the reality that you guys are broken up and she's not in your life anymore. don't be the "friend" for her to rely on while she needs some attention/sympathy.
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