swimswithjeans Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Well, it's been a really bad month. Really bad. Very long story short, ex and I were together for 7 months and it was pretty serious. He loved me very much, clearly, but was not the best communicator. He often cancelled plans, stuff like that. There was an unbelievable chemistry between us which I didn't know even existed in this world. He is going through the end stages of his divorce and his father's impending death right now, and ended up breaking up with me about a month ago. Well, let me rephrase that, he disappeared about a month ago. He stopped replying to a lot of my texts, ignored many of them, every so often he would tell me 'I love you' and nothing more. (What?!) I really don't trust easily. For some reason, I trusted him. I am usually the dumper. This doesn't feel okay at all. He never told me he wanted to break up flat out- he left me to deduce it until a couple weeks after he disappeared he texted me 'let's just let go.' I asked for a conversation; nothing. I kept no contact until last week when I broke and told him I missed him. He told me that he missed me too, and he was not okay... And that he loved me and I made him whole. He begged for me to come over the next day- I agreed, as long as it was really what he wanted. He said yes and that we would see each other the next day no matter what. The next day comes and he texts me (big surprise) 'I can't see you tonight, it's been too long and it hurts too much.' UM... WHAT? I never even asked to see him. I was upset, of course. I felt like that night was the last chance for us. Fast forward to this Monday, he texts me 'I hope you're well.' Well... I replied to the breadcrumbs. 'No, I'm really not. I have two weeks to find a place to live, and if I can't, I will have to give up Ellie (my dog that he loves). Also, it looks like I'm being laid off later in the week. I'm really not okay.' He texts back and tells me he is worried about my situation; I don't respond. He then CALLS ME for the first time in a month. I pick up, and we talk for about 15 minutes. Of course I cry, I am stressed as heck. He tells me to try and get some sleep, and that we will try and figure it out together. That he cares about me and doesn't want to see me without a place to live and that we would put our heads together about this. He said we would talk about this tomorrow and he would call me then. He also mentioned it had been a long time since we've seen each other. Well... Tomorrow was yesterday and no call. I am honestly kind of surprised he didn't call. I am feeling stressed, I am feeling hurt, I am feeling abandoned. Basically before we broke up he asked me to move in with him. Like, a week before we broke up. That's why I did not re-sign my current lease and I missed the time period to do so. He doesn't really get that part of the story. HERE is the wrench... I think I'm pregnant. I have been on birth control for years, but was on antibiotics last month, so I think that could have done it. Honest mistake. I took a test, got a faint second line. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. But... Do I tell him? Under no circumstances am I in a position to be able to continue the pregnancy. I know this for certain. For whatever reason, I still love this man. I feel like there is something so substantial to us; but he let that go, I get that. I don't think he can deal with a relationship right now. But I still love him- of course I want him back. Should I tell him? Or should I just take care of it quietly myself? I feel like if I tell him he will never speak to me again. He runs away sometimes at the face of emotional adversity. He's in his mid-30s and I know he has never had a pregnancy scare with anyone, including his ex-wife. I really don't see the positives of telling him except for out of respect for him, but knowing him, it will likely be more traumatizing for him to know now than find out later. Under NO circumstances, intentionally or otherwise, would I want to use this as a tool to be in contact with him or see him and I am aware of the temptation to do that. This is coming at a horrible, terrible time. It would be nice to have someone to hold my hand- but I really don't think my friends would fully understand. I would rather go with him or alone. Thoughts and advice are appreciated... Please be gentle on me. It's been a rough few weeks.
eleve82 Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Honest mistakes do happen and my suggestion to you is this - if you are strong enough to go through a termination without him, do so. The best thing you can do for yourself, when dealing with a man who is vacillating back and forth, is to lead your life independently. I've been through some of these experiences you mentioned and trust me it DOES get better.. so if you need someone to have a chat with, send me a PM or message.
Gingerlee Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Hi there, I actually disagree with the above post, I suffered a miscarriage during my breakup and the emotional trauma was exhausting. I would say tell him, an abortion seems like a straight forward procedure, but depending on how well you deal with things, i'd say you are going to need someone to hold your hand and reassure you that you have made the right choice. My ex threatened to move away if I didnt have one. Unfortunatley for me I didn't get the choice, but if I had an abortion, then I would have needed his support. A friend of mine had one and I don't mean to scare you, but she still gets upset over it. She was very young and her boyfriend was very immature. Then again, some people are naturally a lot stronger and don't depend on people. It's your call really. If he has any decency he will support you through this. I wish you luck.
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