Pisces13 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 So, I was right in the middle of texting with this new girl that I met on the weekend, who seems really cool and is everything I like in a girl, when out of nowhere I got a text from my ex (who told me 10 days ago to leave her alone). She said she wanted to apologize to me for acting like a bitch, and that she has felt bad about how she left things between us. She says she misses not being in contact with me, I mean too much to her to forget about me and blah blah blah. We're meeting up on the weekend to talk about everything more in person. I really don't know what to do. On one hand, I still love and miss this girl, on the other, I've been feeling really good the last week, and finally starting to feel like I'm moving forward. The ex has made it pretty clear she doesn't want a relationship with me though, so I can't keep going in this vicious cycle of FWB or whatever it is we have going. On the flipside of that, I don't really know if I want a relationship with her anymore anyway? The way she has acted towards me post breakup has made me realize she is not mature enough for me. Also in a way, it's been kind of nice being single but still having that FWB on the side with her, but I know this is going to prevent me from pursuing anything with the other girl I met last weekend. *sigh*
McGriff Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Your chance to take back your power. If she doesn't want a relationship, and you feel like you don't either, what's to gain? I say press forward with the new one and put the ex on the back burner. Especially if the new girl is everything you like in a girl. A new, fresh potential relationship vs an old dysfunctional tired ex relationship. Sounds pretty obvious to me. Good luck.
Giha Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Don't meet up with her. It sounds like you made some progress and it would be a shame if your ruined it by meeting her. Call it off and forget about her. 1
athousandquestions Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Why... are you meeting up with her... You know what breadcrumbs are. You know if she wanted to be with you, she would flat out say "I screwed up, take me back, I love you so much." Soooo you're letting her toy with you to get her emotional needs met, to relieve her guilt for the breakup, and you're letting this consume you when you could and should be focusing on moving on (especially if you're talking to a new, seemingly good, girl.) Let. it. go. I can understand if you want to be on good terms. Text her "I don't see a point in us meeting up. We are broken up, there is no reason for us to be in contact. I hold no animosity towards you and wish you the best." AND GO BACK TO NC.... Meeting up with her will put you back at square 1. Going back to LC/contact with her will put you back to square one. You will ruin any chance you have with this new girl. You will ruin all progress you have made. You think it's nice to have this FWB but the fact is your girlfriend dumped you and is probably out there screwing other guys and coming to you when she's bored/emotional... you're her little toy and if you think you're okay with that, you are in denial. What are you expecting to come from this meetup? Don't go. 1
Author Pisces13 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 What are you expecting to come from this meetup? Well, I want to tell her how I feel. How she has f**ked me around and that she needs to tell me what she wants from me exactly because I can't keep doing what we had been doing. Don't worry, I'm going to make myself very clear to her about this.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 So, I was right in the middle of texting with this new girl that I met on the weekend, who seems really cool and is everything I like in a girl, when out of nowhere I got a text from my ex (who told me 10 days ago to leave her alone). She said she wanted to apologize to me for acting like a bitch, and that she has felt bad about how she left things between us. She says she misses not being in contact with me, I mean too much to her to forget about me and blah blah blah. We're meeting up on the weekend to talk about everything more in person. I really don't know what to do. On one hand, I still love and miss this girl, on the other, I've been feeling really good the last week, and finally starting to feel like I'm moving forward. The ex has made it pretty clear she doesn't want a relationship with me though, so I can't keep going in this vicious cycle of FWB or whatever it is we have going. On the flipside of that, I don't really know if I want a relationship with her anymore anyway? The way she has acted towards me post breakup has made me realize she is not mature enough for me. Also in a way, it's been kind of nice being single but still having that FWB on the side with her, but I know this is going to prevent me from pursuing anything with the other girl I met last weekend. *sigh* At this point, I don't think you should even consider dating the new girl. You need time to get over the break-up with your ex. If you're meeting up with your ex, hear what she has to say, and say what you need to say. I'm confused about you being FWB; was this before you and your ex actually got together as a couple, or did you guys start out dating, but decide to just be FWB-and then she broke that off? Just curious. Anyway, get the closure you need with your ex, and from that point on, either go NC, or LC. As for the new girl, as I said, don't pursue anything serious yet. Yes, hang out with her, get to know her-but until you've truly healed, I suggest not making anything official (if she's interested). Be honest with her as well; let her know you're just coming off of a break-up, and though you really like her, you don't want to go too fast, because you don't want things to get messed up. I wish you luck.
youcanever Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 At this point, I don't think you should even consider dating the new girl. You need time to get over the break-up with your ex. If you're meeting up with your ex, hear what she has to say, and say what you need to say. I'm confused about you being FWB; was this before you and your ex actually got together as a couple, or did you guys start out dating, but decide to just be FWB-and then she broke that off? Just curious. Anyway, get the closure you need with your ex, and from that point on, either go NC, or LC. As for the new girl, as I said, don't pursue anything serious yet. Yes, hang out with her, get to know her-but until you've truly healed, I suggest not making anything official (if she's interested). Be honest with her as well; let her know you're just coming off of a break-up, and though you really like her, you don't want to go too fast, because you don't want things to get messed up. I wish you luck. What is LC?
Enna Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Please cancel. PLEASE cancel. Go on, give her the shock of her life. Also - if you want to get back with her OR you DON'T want to get back with her...NC is the only way. And you HAVE to cancel this. Telling her 'how you feel' can only give you a short-term 'fix' and she will probably use it to justify further to herself that she's made the right decision. Whereas cancelling is powerful. PLEASE CANCEL!!! 2
HopelessRomantick Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 You need to really think this through carefully. It is not about you and her it is about YOU. You need to take care and protect yourself. You are at good place now and don't need it ruined again. But... I also look at it this way: Oh baby this is your chance! The chance we all hope for! This is your chance to take the power back and move on boldly. Do this with dignity and respect... Either meet with her as planned or cancel. Either way this is your chance to tell her that you've given much thought and realized that you can make it on your own without her, happier. And you could even go as far to say that you've met a new woman and you want to see where that goes. Don't be mean because you will regret that but it is your chance to regain a sense of control. Then when the meeting is over and you are standing proudly on the mountain or more realistically driving home, you can blast this: Good luck!
LifeGoesOnMan Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 (edited) don't do it. if she wanted you back, she would tell you. Edited June 26, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan
Author Pisces13 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 At this point, I don't think you should even consider dating the new girl. You need time to get over the break-up with your ex. If you're meeting up with your ex, hear what she has to say, and say what you need to say. I'm confused about you being FWB; was this before you and your ex actually got together as a couple, or did you guys start out dating, but decide to just be FWB-and then she broke that off? Just curious. Anyway, get the closure you need with your ex, and from that point on, either go NC, or LC. As for the new girl, as I said, don't pursue anything serious yet. Yes, hang out with her, get to know her-but until you've truly healed, I suggest not making anything official (if she's interested). Be honest with her as well; let her know you're just coming off of a break-up, and though you really like her, you don't want to go too fast, because you don't want things to get messed up. I wish you luck. Well that's just it man, I know I'm not ready to date someone else, and I think if I did, it would most likely be for the wrong reasons. The new girl has seemed a bit flaky too, which has made me feel a bit uneasy. Things have been pretty casual thus far, just been texting back and forth, nothing too serious. Me and my ex were in a relationship for 2 years, she broke up with me back in March. We kept in LC up until 2 weeks ago when she texted me saying that we needed space because it was too hard to get over each other, and she told me to leave her alone. Now she is back. It's kind of funny though, you read stuff on here, you see it a lot from Tara Maiden about how this stuff is going to unfold, and it has gone almost exactly to script
BC1980 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I would not go to this dinner to tell her how you feel. She could care less, which is evident. Do you think saying it to her face will make her care? No, it will make you feel worse. It really doesn't have to be this painful and stressful for you. This is everyday stress for you I can tell. You really deserve better. No one deserves to be in this type of relationship, but I can tell you that at some point, you only have yourself to blame for continuing to engage in it. It's so ironic because deep down, we know this hope we hang onto is so futile. But we just persist in hanging onto it, and it so rarely ends well. Even if you did get back together, it's not going to be the same. Also, should it be this stressful to be in a relationship? It shouldn't take all of this.
Author Pisces13 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 It really doesn't have to be this painful and stressful for you. This is everyday stress for you I can tell. You really deserve better. No one deserves to be in this type of relationship, but I can tell you that at some point, you only have yourself to blame for continuing to engage in it. It's so ironic because deep down, we know this hope we hang onto is so futile. But we just persist in hanging onto it, and it so rarely ends well. Even if you did get back together, it's not going to be the same. Also, should it be this stressful to be in a relationship? It shouldn't take all of this. I'm not really that stressed actually. I was in the initial few days after she told me she wanted space, but then I had an instance which really opened my eyes and I've felt really good since. I'm just more or less confused I guess, but I'm not worrying myself about it. My confidence in myself is through the roof right now. I've gotten so much female attention over the last couple of weeks it's not funny. You're right though, I only have myself to blame if/when things go pear shaped again with the ex.
sprucegoose Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 She doesn't want a relationship and you're unsure. Not a very good start, no? Save yourself sometime and make plans with the new girl this weekend instead.
OrangeSnack Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Sometimes things are better left unsaid. I know you want to express how you feel but the people on here are right, she could care less about how you feel. Be the stronger person and leave it be. If she wants you back, she will have to show it and prove it. Giving you mixed signals are confusing and a waste of your time. Your time is so much more precious. I hope you cancel the meetup. But it's your ultimate decision. Good Luck
Simon Phoenix Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Why the hell did you answer your ex, and then set up a meeting? You said everything was going great, then you do that? For real? Did you not learn a single thing from this last episode? Cancel the meeting, go NC, move forward. Stop moving backward. 2
Author Pisces13 Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 Look, you guys aren't wrong, I know that, but this just feels like something I have to do. I at least have to talk about everything with her because I haven't really had the chance, and that is what eats away at me the most. I do feel a bit stupid, but I also feel different about the whole situation. Before it was like I had this this need to keep her around in my life, but it's not there anymore. It's almost like I don't care what happens anymore. I still want to be friendly and cordial with her though, I still value her friendship. I will be a lot more firm and to the point with her now, not fearing the consequences, and it will be made clear that I won't be strung along. I guess the saying "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" comes to mind here.
KatZee Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I got a text from my ex (who told me 10 days ago to leave her alone). She said she wanted to apologize to me for acting like a bitch, and that she has felt bad about how she left things between us. We're meeting up on the weekend to talk about everything more in person. The ex has made it pretty clear she doesn't want a relationship with me though, so I can't keep going in this vicious cycle of FWB or whatever it is we have going. but I know this is going to prevent me from pursuing anything with the other girl I met last weekend. You understand she's just trying to ease her own guilt right? She doesn't want to be with you, or want a relationship with you but in order for HER to move on, she needs to drag you through more of her garbage just to be happy with herself. Not quite sure what you guys have to talk about. It's pretty cut and dry. She doesn't want to be with you, you say you've met someone else and you've been happy going down that road, and that meeting with her is going to prevent you from pursuing the new girl. So why exactly are you meeting up? What do you really have to say to her? I'd cancel the meeting all together. Let her deal with her own guilty conscience for being an a.sshole to you. It's not your problem anymore. Wipe your hands of this chick, and keep moving forward. DO NOT MEET.
OrangeSnack Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Look, you guys aren't wrong, I know that, but this just feels like something I have to do. I at least have to talk about everything with her because I haven't really had the chance, and that is what eats away at me the most. I do feel a bit stupid, but I also feel different about the whole situation. Before it was like I had this this need to keep her around in my life, but it's not there anymore. It's almost like I don't care what happens anymore. I still want to be friendly and cordial with her though, I still value her friendship. I will be a lot more firm and to the point with her now, not fearing the consequences, and it will be made clear that I won't be strung along. I guess the saying "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" comes to mind here. I've been in your shoes before. Hence why I said it is your decision. Prepare for the worst and move on with your life if it doesn't work out. Good luck. 1
eddyctv Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Time to cut the cord. Tell her to forget it and STOP TALKING TO HER. It sounds like you can do A LOT better than her anyway...why waste time on someone who is no good for you?
Simon Phoenix Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Look, you guys aren't wrong, I know that, but this just feels like something I have to do. I at least have to talk about everything with her because I haven't really had the chance, and that is what eats away at me the most. I do feel a bit stupid, but I also feel different about the whole situation. Before it was like I had this this need to keep her around in my life, but it's not there anymore. It's almost like I don't care what happens anymore. I still want to be friendly and cordial with her though, I still value her friendship. I will be a lot more firm and to the point with her now, not fearing the consequences, and it will be made clear that I won't be strung along. I guess the saying "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" comes to mind here. And then she'll say something that will have you second-guessing everything and keep you on the hook. Or you say something, and then "forget" to say a certain thing and want to clear the air again. You're chasing the rabbit. 2
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