Am I Mistaken?

[happy4]

I think I’ve lost the ability to know whether I am just running away from something unhappy or to something that could be really great. I am in my early 40’s, married for fourteen years, kids, pets, the whole thing. But the marriage hasn’t been good for a number of years and I think we’re both coexisting more than anything at this point. But I am getting to a place where I am not sure I can keep just coexisting. My confusion comes in though, because it was upon meeting the person I am going to mention that the feeling of no longer wanting to coexist came about. This is why I don’t know if I am just running away or running to something. Any advice is welcome

 

As mentioned, I’m married, have kids, etc. I am an executive who joined the firm a little over eighteen months ago. After starting, I appointed a supervisor to a management role. She is incredibly smart, highly motivated andhad lots of great ideas, which are all the reasons I promoted her. She’s in her early 30’s, unmarried, and had only one long-term relationship many years back from what I understand. She has a beautiful face, perhaps just a little bit curvy, funny and smart. She is very sensual, though I think she either doesn’t know it or she’s a little uncomfortablewith it. I know from our conversations that she wants to find someone, but she isn’t going to just settle.

 

Anyway, after working together for a while now and talking a lot, I found that we are incredibly alike. We like the same shows, food, activities,etc. Also, when we talk in a less open environment (workers not around) or through email, her demeanor is much more open, like she doesn’t feel like she’s being watched. Our conversations can even be somewhat flirty and we both seem to keep them going. Also,we don’t work in the same location, so our in-person visits are less frequent. When we do see each other we hug and I feel like they’re maybe lasting a second or two longer than normal lately. Anyway as you can guess, given my current situation, this has led me to have some pretty confused feelings about her. The fact that she works for me adds another layer of course. I also worry that I could be mistaking everything here for her simple friendliness. Again, I welcome thoughts.

[Goodbye]

You are at that middle aged life transition phase. You are in a stale marriage. You've found yourself drawn to another. When I was in my early 40's, all of this happened. I stepped back and realized I couldn't stay with my husband. I really thought long and hard, and realized that no matter what we did, I was never going to be happy in the marriage...so I filed for divorce.

 

Step away from your current situation. Don't act on it. Let the feelings this woman has stirred in you fuel a long, hard examination of your life. Do you want to be married? If you do, what is it going to take to make it work? Will this make you happy? Will this make your family happy? Do the cost benefit analysis...but don't have an affair. It won't make you younger, it won't remove you from your current life. It will just create a mess and leave you with drama. But, you can use the feelings you are having to be the impetus for a self examination and possible change.

 

Good luck.

 

PS...DON'T DO IT...STOP emailing with her.

[skywriter]

happy4,

 

Welcome....

 

Your post suggest self introspection on your part.

 

With the coexisting you mentioned at home and your unmarried manager not having been in a relationship for quite some time. It's obvious you are both prime candidates for being vulnerable to an A.

 

Goodbye, said it so well.

 

"Step away from your current situation. Don't act on it. Let the feelings this woman has stirred in you fuel a long, hard examination of your life. Do you want to be married? If you do, what is it going to take to make it work? Will this make you happy? "

 

Best of luck to you...

[JustAReformedGirl]

I agree with Goodbye; you don't want this to go down a course that you can't come back from. Once the line is crossed, things will never be the same.

 

Examining your marriage, and thinking about what you need to do in order to be happy go a long way, but I also suggest talking to your wife. Not necessarily about your conflicted feelings about your co-worker/subordinate, but about your feelings in regards to your marriage. Be as open and honest with her as possible. It could be that she's been feeling the same way, and may have been afraid to say anything.

 

If you both want to work on the marriage, make sure you withdraw a bit from this other woman. She may be confused by this, but if you really want to work things out with your wife, it's the best option.

 

If you feel the marriage has run its course, be honest with your wife, and you both can decide what to do from there.

[Pierre]

I think I’ve lost the ability to know whether I am just running away from something unhappy or to something that could be really great. I am in my early 40’s, married for fourteen years, kids, pets, the whole thing. But the marriage hasn’t been good for a number of years and I think we’re both coexisting more than anything at this point. But I am getting to a place where I am not sure I can keep just coexisting. My confusion comes in though, because it was upon meeting the person I am going to mention that the feeling of no longer wanting to coexist came about. This is why I don’t know if I am just running away or running to something. Any advice is welcome

 

As mentioned, I’m married, have kids, etc. I am an executive who joined the firm a little over eighteen months ago. After starting, I appointed a supervisor to a management role. She is incredibly smart, highly motivated andhad lots of great ideas, which are all the reasons I promoted her. She’s in her early 30’s, unmarried, and had only one long-term relationship many years back from what I understand. She has a beautiful face, perhaps just a little bit curvy, funny and smart. She is very sensual, though I think she either doesn’t know it or she’s a little uncomfortablewith it. I know from our conversations that she wants to find someone, but she isn’t going to just settle.

 

Anyway, after working together for a while now and talking a lot, I found that we are incredibly alike. We like the same shows, food, activities,etc. Also, when we talk in a less open environment (workers not around) or through email, her demeanor is much more open, like she doesn’t feel like she’s being watched. Our conversations can even be somewhat flirty and we both seem to keep them going. Also,we don’t work in the same location, so our in-person visits are less frequent. When we do see each other we hug and I feel like they’re maybe lasting a second or two longer than normal lately. Anyway as you can guess, given my current situation, this has led me to have some pretty confused feelings about her. The fact that she works for me adds another layer of course. I also worry that I could be mistaking everything here for her simple friendliness. Again, I welcome thoughts.

 

Why Office Affairs Happen

 

Professional women often spend more hours at work than they do at home. Work becomes a “second family” of people who are familiar with your personality, past and problems. In turn, women get to observe men over time during stressful events such as deadlines and disappointments.

 

For example, a woman can assess a man’s recovery skills in taking risks, negotiating and being optimistic and resilient—all desirable qualities in a partner. Work can seem to provide a “road test” of what a man might be like as a partner, and this sense can provide a woman with an ability to trust the man.

 

Finally, working on an important or difficult project together breeds intimate feelings, fueled by the excitement of accomplishment and teamwork. Co-workers become seduced by the work intensity and experience a new closeness to a colleague. Shared uncertainty, risk and danger often make people bind to each other. For example, survivors of airplane crashes or robberies develop a special bond.

 

The danger, of course, is that some of these attachments blossom into affairs. Some of these affairs fizzle, others develop into love and others cause great disillusionment, and work and personal problems.

 

Women Mentoring - w2wlink.com - Why Office Affairs Occur and What to Do About Them

 

IF you have a stale boring marriage you are at least 50% to blame.

 

 

Welcome to the club!

 

Read the forum before having intercourse with this young woman. You may be in for a HUGE amount of pain and trouble. I suggest she also reads the forum. She will find out that you will most likely harm her severely.

[Got it]

NO. If you are in a supervisor subordinate relationship you are putting your career, your job, and everything else on the line. There is no way around this, almost every company that is not a very small one has a standard policy against this and if you are executive you are held, typically, to a higher standard.

 

Pragmatically I would read your employee handbook and any other documents pertaining to code of conduct, ethics, etc. that you may have signed to see how it legally can impact you.

 

But outside of that, take it from me, life is MUCH easier to put a pin in that relationship, figure things out at home, and then move forward. I have said that affairs is like playing russian roulette, there will come a day where the chamber will not be empty and you have to be willing to accept the collateral damage. I know the hormones are raging but take a good assessment of your liability on both a professional and personal level and really assess what is the best way to approach your life. Start playing through worst case scenarios now to get a good handle on things.

 

Good luck!

[waterwoman]

Why is your marriage unhappy and why hasn't one of you addressed this? OW is an irrelevance and a distraction at this point.

[chalkfarm]

If you respect this woman you must be a grown-up and step away! A relationship like this will devastate her. PERIOD.

 

If want her to continue to respect and even like you, then step away!

 

It doesn't matter if she is lonely or lost or wants to be loved, you must step away!

 

A happy work atmosphere and thoughts of what "might have been" are a thousand times better than the crap that will rain down if you act on your feelings/impulse or whatever.

 

I can tell you how much I absolutely LOATHE the man that I had an affair with. I adored him. He was good and kind and wanted to save me but the end of that "relationship" nearly drove me to suicide. How would you like to have that on your conscience???? How would you feel if this woman looked at you with disgust in her eyes? How would you feel if she fantasized about your death? You have a lot of power here. Be a man and make the right choice and LEAVE HER ALONE!

 

Trust me, I am not exaggerating. Read my past posts. Read almost any woman's post here. The despair is palpable.

[Praying4Peace]

If you think your marriage is bad now, wait until you have an affair. Then it will be found out and your marriage will be a living hell, for at least 2-5 years. You will never leave out of guilt for being the 'problem' regardless of her contribution to any problem beforehand.

 

Also, you will never ever have a relationship with the woman you speak highly of. An affair is a surefire way to sample the opposite of 'coexisting' and also ensure it'll never happen...all in one swoop.

 

Human emotions are way more complicated. Jealousy, guilt, responsibility, self loathing, confusion, love, lust, love but not in love, reputation, kids. Add in vengeful in divorce, using the kids as pawns, being labeled as someone who ditched his wife for another woman if you choose to leave. It's hell.

 

I advise you to take how you feel about this woman and use it as motivation to make your M like that. Go to counseling, go anywhere, do something. Then if you can't deal, get out (but I doubt you will). It's too good to leave, too bad to stay?

 

And to answer your first question, life is too short to co-exist. Not all marriages can be fixed, sometimes people change or they don't change (if you expected change in the past).

 

Good luck.

[StrongLass]

happy4,

 

Google " The 5 stages of relationships".

 

Don't cheat (emotionally or otherwise) on your wife.

 

Don't keep this outside contact with this other woman up. You need to sort yourself out first and talk with your wife about your marriage.

 

Aaaaand....that's all I've got for now.

[2sunny]

Get your divorce finalized before considering any further communication with your new woman of interest.

 

None of your thoughts are fair to your wife and your marriage.

 

If its been over for a long time- end it.

 

Finish one R before starting at all with the new office gal.

[not-so-sure]

Just don't.

 

Those are the two words you need to hear.

[Elfie]

I welcome thoughts.

 

happy4 ~ please don't use this woman to make yourself feel better. It will, because the way you describe her implies you are looking at the giftwrap more than the person behind it - she will possibly and most likely get hurt, get drawn into something she has no prior experience of or able to pull away from easily, you will maybe get hurt too and your wife and kids will hurt the most.

 

If you persue this path, your marriage will still be the same each time you leave the other woman, but the other woman will never be the same. Ever again probably.

 

Please please think about the other people in the triangle before your own needs are met - your wife might be feeling the exact same way as you - you don't sound a bad person, so I hope you turn to the right woman before it gets too late.

 

Lots of luck and keep coming here for support and help to keep you focused if you need it.

[Lillyfree]

I think I’ve lost the ability to know whether I am just running away from something unhappy or to something that could be really great. I am in my early 40’s, married for fourteen years, kids, pets, the whole thing. But the marriage hasn’t been good for a number of years and I think we’re both coexisting more than anything at this point. But I am getting to a place where I am not sure I can keep just coexisting. My confusion comes in though, because it was upon meeting the person I am going to mention that the feeling of no longer wanting to coexist came about. This is why I don’t know if I am just running away or running to something. Any advice is welcome

 

As mentioned, I’m married, have kids, etc. I am an executive who joined the firm a little over eighteen months ago. After starting, I appointed a supervisor to a management role. She is incredibly smart, highly motivated andhad lots of great ideas, which are all the reasons I promoted her. She’s in her early 30’s, unmarried, and had only one long-term relationship many years back from what I understand. She has a beautiful face, perhaps just a little bit curvy, funny and smart. She is very sensual, though I think she either doesn’t know it or she’s a little uncomfortablewith it. I know from our conversations that she wants to find someone, but she isn’t going to just settle.

 

re: bolded... are you sure she didn't get the promotion not just on her ability, but also because she's a pretty face? seems like you've noticed her long before you two started working closer together :/

 

Anyway, after working together for a while now and talking a lot, I found that we are incredibly alike. We like the same shows, food, activities,etc. Also, when we talk in a less open environment (workers not around) or through email, her demeanor is much more open, like she doesn’t feel like she’s being watched. Our conversations can even be somewhat flirty and we both seem to keep them going. Also,we don’t work in the same location, so our in-person visits are less frequent. When we do see each other we hug and I feel like they’re maybe lasting a second or two longer than normal lately. Anyway as you can guess, given my current situation, this has led me to have some pretty confused feelings about her. The fact that she works for me adds another layer of course. I also worry that I could be mistaking everything here for her simple friendliness. Again, I welcome thoughts.

 

both of you are acting unprofessionally - people that work together don't hug. especially when they're of opposite sex and one works under the other.

boundaries are already crossed, and if you're not careful your colleagues will start talking. they'll say that she might have got that promotion because she's 'friendly' with the boss. is that what you want for her?

 

it all seems great at the moment - there's a pretty, flirty, unattached younger woman who seems into you. but it's such a cliché, and it seldom ends well for all involved. don't have an affair. sort your current relationship out before starting another.

 

what is it about your marriage that makes you think you should end it?

[Got it]

re: bolded... are you sure she didn't get the promotion not just on her ability, but also because she's a pretty face? seems like you've noticed her long before you two started working closer together :/

 

 

 

both of you are acting unprofessionally - people that work together don't hug. especially when they're of opposite sex and one works under the other.

boundaries are already crossed, and if you're not careful your colleagues will start talking. they'll say that she might have got that promotion because she's 'friendly' with the boss. is that what you want for her?

 

it all seems great at the moment - there's a pretty, flirty, unattached younger woman who seems into you. but it's such a cliché, and it seldom ends well for all involved. don't have an affair. sort your current relationship out before starting another.

 

what is it about your marriage that makes you think you should end it?

 

Unfortunately I have to disagree with this comment. I work for a major company and unfortunately this is prevalent not just here but elsewhere in my industry. I do not like it as I don't like people in my personal space and I have had to be very vocal that I prefer to shake hands not hug. I work for a company of over 6,000 people and I am in the minority on this as it is definitely gender based. I also know that we have found in our Canadian operations, that specific areas like Montreal there is much more hugging, touching, etc. of both genders towards both genders than what we see in the US.

[DelusionalOne]

Praying4peace, while most of your post was right on the money, the first paragraph I take exception to....you make it seem like people only reconcile out of guilt and that the BS never acknowledges their role..this could not be further from the truth...I am wondering...have you ever reconciled and what were the results?

 

I have. 4 years out of being a BS. I can talk about it in great detail but I don't because it's not things people want to and it is just my experience. As every affair is different... Every reconciliation is different.

[ComingInHot]

got it wrote, " Unfortunately I have to disagree with this comment. I work for a major company and unfortunately this is prevalent not just here but elsewhere in my industry. I do not like it as I don't like people in my personal space and I have had to be very vocal that I prefer to shake hands not hug. I work for a company of over 6,000 people and I am in the minority on this as it is definitely gender based. I also know that we have found in our Canadian operations, that specific areas like Montreal there is much more hugging, touching, etc. of both genders towards both genders than what we see in the US."

 

The above WOULD be true if... and I'll askHappy to answer; Do You happy greet most or some Other of your Co workers/subordinates and supeiors this way? Do your conversations w/other Co workers seem to "keep going" and about non related work topics?

 

Your answer will be key to keeping your thread On Topic*

[Got it]

got it wrote, " Unfortunately I have to disagree with this comment. I work for a major company and unfortunately this is prevalent not just here but elsewhere in my industry. I do not like it as I don't like people in my personal space and I have had to be very vocal that I prefer to shake hands not hug. I work for a company of over 6,000 people and I am in the minority on this as it is definitely gender based. I also know that we have found in our Canadian operations, that specific areas like Montreal there is much more hugging, touching, etc. of both genders towards both genders than what we see in the US."

 

The above WOULD be true if... and I'll askHappy to answer; Do You happy greet most or some Other of your Co workers/subordinates and supeiors this way? Do your conversations w/other Co workers seem to "keep going" and about non related work topics?

 

Your answer will be key to keeping your thread On Topic*

 

Gracias.

 

And yes the real question is is there a different treatment of this subordinate over others. And if so, you can see the issue already starting where she is potentially getting preferential treatment.

 

Bottomline, you shouldn't/can't date a subordinate, married, single, widowed, robot, or cartoon.

[HonestNeurotic]

Okay - so you've recognized that you are just - well - not satisfied with your marriage. Being married. Is the grass greener? Why not have an affair? Cuz you've ARRIVED - what's left to conquer in life?

 

Or maybe none of those.

 

Even if you are single - it's just NEVER a good idea to date people at work. Work is work and home is home. I've watched this happen with single and married people.

 

Gossip ensues - "well, we know why SHE got the promotion" Doesn't mean she didn't earn it - those that are jealous will use that. And people WILL know. Women KNOW.

 

A breakup occurs - "well, we all know why SHE got the transfer/promotion"

 

She falls in love with you and then when you don't follow through on your promises - she goes to HR - sexual harassment and all that jazz and "well, we all know why HE got asked to resign"

 

Everyone gets bored and probably thinks outside the box now and then. What if's and wishing it was. Me, personally, I don't have a problem with men having mistresses. I just don't. This situation rarely works out though unless one is in a open marriage. Even then, it's difficult. Now you have TWO women that want and need things from you. Money and time.

 

Just some stuff to think about. I've seen the most sane women I know absolutely bring on the "crazy" when it comes to wanting the same dude. Professional, well polished, CLASSY, women - either the betrayed spouse or the other woman - doing all kinds of mischief, vandalism, and even catfights, all over "their" dude.

 

Now - having said all that - if you are in the state of mind where you have "arrived" and "deserve" to have a mistress - how do you feel about your wife having the same?

[happy4]

First, thanks to everyone for your responses to my original post. While it wasn't what I wanted to hear more often than not, I also recognize it was more likely what I needed to hear.

 

With that said, I've been slow to respond because I was waiting to see her again before I added any more commentary to this post. You may recall that she does not work in the same office as I do, so our frequency of physically being in the same place is limited to once every two months or so. Most of our contact are daily phone calls.

 

Well, I've now finished a three-day trip to her location. Aside from work, we had two dinners and so much natural conversation that it is making the emotional distress of leaving very challenging. We are so much alike, despite the age difference and life experience differences. In the end, nothing inappropriate happened, though dinner #1 felt like a very intimate setting and we did touch feet on a few occassions over the evening (could have been completely innocent). At dinner #2, she did seem to back off, though, and I was not pushing for anything more or inappropriate to happen. During the day (remember she works for me), I purposefully kept my distance because it is very important to me that she not be put in any position that would lessen her standing in her team's eyes.

 

So, while I have no idea where and if this ever evolves into anything more than it is, I remain completely confused. I would appreciate again everyone's thoughts on the situation as I described it as well as what you think might be going on from her side and in her mind. I don't ever want to be in a position where she starts getting uncomfortable or feeling pushed inappropriately, but I can't figure out where she is coming from in all of this. Thanks.

[Got it]

First, thanks to everyone for your responses to my original post. While it wasn't what I wanted to hear more often than not, I also recognize it was more likely what I needed to hear.

 

With that said, I've been slow to respond because I was waiting to see her again before I added any more commentary to this post. You may recall that she does not work in the same office as I do, so our frequency of physically being in the same place is limited to once every two months or so. Most of our contact are daily phone calls.

 

Well, I've now finished a three-day trip to her location. Aside from work, we had two dinners and so much natural conversation that it is making the emotional distress of leaving very challenging. We are so much alike, despite the age difference and life experience differences. In the end, nothing inappropriate happened, though dinner #1 felt like a very intimate setting and we did touch feet on a few occassions over the evening (could have been completely innocent). At dinner #2, she did seem to back off, though, and I was not pushing for anything more or inappropriate to happen. During the day (remember she works for me), I purposefully kept my distance because it is very important to me that she not be put in any position that would lessen her standing in her team's eyes.

 

So, while I have no idea where and if this ever evolves into anything more than it is, I remain completely confused. I would appreciate again everyone's thoughts on the situation as I described it as well as what you think might be going on from her side and in her mind. I don't ever want to be in a position where she starts getting uncomfortable or feeling pushed inappropriately, but I can't figure out where she is coming from in all of this. Thanks.

 

Listen, I am not a beat around the bush kind of girl, so I would just spit out the question if you want to know how she feels. Ask her. We aren't her so we can't tell you.

 

But then I have to ask the question, and then what? What does that tell you? What does that mean for you? What are your actions?

 

I think you are in a VERY complicated position being her superior that will most likely not end well for you. You are really opening yourself up to a very vulnerable position both personally and professionally. Is this a risk you are willing to assume?

 

If you want to have an affair, fine, go crazy. You are gambling with your personal life. But having an affair with a subordinate? Now you are really gambling personal and professional. You are walking into termination potential. Be proactive and you better get a game plan set up to try and figure out how to mitigate any potential damage because you could be in for a world of hurt.

 

Really think this one through. What are you willing to lose to pursue this? You can't come back later on and say I didn't know. You are fully aware of what you are doing if you do them.

[krazikat]

Unfortunately I have to disagree with this comment. I work for a major company and unfortunately this is prevalent not just here but elsewhere in my industry. I do not like it as I don't like people in my personal space and I have had to be very vocal that I prefer to shake hands not hug. I work for a company of over 6,000 people and I am in the minority on this as it is definitely gender based. I also know that we have found in our Canadian operations, that specific areas like Montreal there is much more hugging, touching, etc. of both genders towards both genders than what we see in the US.

 

This is true. I have also been hugged by colleagues and vendor reps etc. which was weird to me at first but now I am just like whatever. I prefer a handshake but if a hug gets snuck in, wth as long as it isnt lingering or."wierd" lol. Interestingly, usually the men who hug are older...those around my age dont try the hugging thing, but a handshake or daps or high five...lol. The only time I thought it was truly ick weird was when one colleague touched my face and said how good it was to see me...yep, that was weird. He quickly learned that there would be a problem if he ever went there again. Over the years I have learned how to spot the pervs...but I see the hugging across all genders/ages and area of origin is a factor...for example people from the south more likely to hug than a californian fme.

[Got it]

This is true. I have also been hugged by colleagues and vendor reps etc. which was weird to me at first but now I am just like whatever. I prefer a handshake but if a hug gets snuck in, wth as long as it isnt lingering or."wierd" lol. Interestingly, usually the men who hug are older...those around my age dont try the hugging thing, but a handshake or daps or high five...lol. The only time I thought it was truly ick weird was when one colleague touched my face and said how good it was to see me...yep, that was weird. He quickly learned that there would be a problem if he ever went there again. Over the years I have learned how to spot the pervs...but I see the hugging across all genders/ages and area of origin is a factor...for example people from the south more likely to hug than a californian fme.

 

My issue is it seems to be gender based, they aren't hugging other men, which is saying they see me differently. I am not in a position where hugging is appropriate or appreciated so I make that known. I am a very stand offish person and more so in my "work" persona. It is more of a "Darth Vader" role so I am a scary person in my work persona. It is what it is and I am not looking to change it.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

First, thanks to everyone for your responses to my original post. While it wasn't what I wanted to hear more often than not, I also recognize it was more likely what I needed to hear.

 

With that said, I've been slow to respond because I was waiting to see her again before I added any more commentary to this post. You may recall that she does not work in the same office as I do, so our frequency of physically being in the same place is limited to once every two months or so. Most of our contact are daily phone calls.

 

Well, I've now finished a three-day trip to her location. Aside from work, we had two dinners and so much natural conversation that it is making the emotional distress of leaving very challenging. We are so much alike, despite the age difference and life experience differences. In the end, nothing inappropriate happened, though dinner #1 felt like a very intimate setting and we did touch feet on a few occassions over the evening (could have been completely innocent). At dinner #2, she did seem to back off, though, and I was not pushing for anything more or inappropriate to happen. During the day (remember she works for me), I purposefully kept my distance because it is very important to me that she not be put in any position that would lessen her standing in her team's eyes.

 

So, while I have no idea where and if this ever evolves into anything more than it is, I remain completely confused. I would appreciate again everyone's thoughts on the situation as I described it as well as what you think might be going on from her side and in her mind. I don't ever want to be in a position where she starts getting uncomfortable or feeling pushed inappropriately, but I can't figure out where she is coming from in all of this. Thanks.

 

I am going to be blunt here.

 

You are trolling for an affair. Right? Setting the stage, guaging interest? Interested in a hot young thing? Ready to toss the old life for some new?

 

If you are unhappy with your marriage, children, house, job,stress, mortgage, sex life whatever...then fix that. Work on that. Or end that first.

 

What you are doing is starting something that has very little chance of success because of the way you are doing it. And in the meanwhile, will blow up you and your families lives like a nuclear bomb. The thing is...read the posts here and elsewhere and you will see a pattern of "I wish I could go back and do the right thing." This is where you man up, or not.

 

Have you talked to your wife about your misery? Have you gone to therapy? Have you tried marriage counseling? If you have done all that and are done, why not divorce, split everything up, visitation with the kids and then find a new hot young thing who preferably doesn't work for you.

 

What usually appends is that if you put the same effort into your marriage as you do the trolling, you mysteriously fix the marital problems. Go figure.

 

As for her working for you. You will likely lose your job if it comes out. If she ends up feeling taken advantage of she can file for sexual harassment. Train wreck.

 

Stop flirty conversations, stop the one on one dinners and stop talking personal stuff until you have dealt with your personal life/divorce, and then get a new job before you go any further with her.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Happy4, Listen up! After reading your second post I'm not sure you've "heard" the great advice you've been given.

 

Urgent: Reread the posts!