MangyCat Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 ::Very long story but it helps to know everything for advice to be given. Thanks for reading.:: My wife and I have been married for 2 years now. Within the 2 years we have talked about bringing someone else in the bedroom. She wanted another woman and I a man. For reasons that we want to see how much our lover is being pleased by someone else. Our relationship wasn't perfect but we had our ups and downs. We loved each other unconditionally. Couldn't do anything without each other. We just had our second baby girl. She was feeling down about how she looked that she wasn't what she used to be prior and was hating herself. Despite whatever I did to comfort her, it didn't really change. I thought this would be the best time to get some man in, have him go crazy for her because he thinks she is hot and boost her ego. She was still beautiful despite having a bit baby fat left. After searching and we couldn't agree on someone that was good looking for her, I knew she thought one of my friend/co-workers was hot, so I thought I would ask him. Asked her first and she said he wouldn't do it with her, but he said yes. He understood what I was trying to do and did the same thing for his past GF and he loved it. On our 2 year anniversary, we went back to Vegas, brought him with. I set up the scenarios and on the first night they had sex, I watched and recorded while randomly joining in here and there. She was nervous. The second night, despite the pain she was in from the first night and after we talked (kinda raw) she was all over him. Groping in the club, massive flirting and then when we got back to the hotel, I couldn't perform to participate in the 3sum. But it didn't matter, she was all over him doing things that she hasn't done to me in a long time. Which I expected, but we had talked about no kissing and use of condoms, which went out the window. But under my best judgement at the time, despite how embarrassed I felt, I wanted her to enjoy herself with her present and didn't want to ruin a thing. I walked out of the room where it took her 10 mins just to chase after me because she didn't want to stop having sex. Anyways, fast forward. A few weeks after everything was all said and done. After I collected my mind, I said it was my fault for setting up the situation and its expected for her to get carried away, especially when alcohol is involved. She said she loved that butterfly feeling with him and that was it. I knew there was more but there was no need to make a big thing about it. The day of the story below, we were booking the hotel and she told my friends they could stay with us in the same hotel room. I said, well that sucks, that means we can't have sex. She replies, I don't want to have sex with you tonight. I confronted her and we talked. We ended up going out with the same guy and another friend who was soon leaving to go across country. After our previous talks, she was fine and said no more flirting.... During our night out, drinking and clubbing, from the get go she was flirting constantly. I can hide my emotions pretty damn good. Need to for my job but this was out of control. So later that night I left the club and went back to the hotel. She followed and then tried to have sex with me. With my big mouth I ruined that vibe and we talked then went to bed bitter. After much debating, consulting and many emotions to deal with, I came to terms that peoples feelings are theirs alone and to bottle them up (either one of us) would mean disaster to our marriage. We want to work on it and make things better between us before we do that sort of thing again. An agreement was made. But the other day, he was brought up by me but it quickly faded. It had been 3 weeks since we last talked to him or seen him. The following day, she proposed to me that she now wanted to go to Vegas again with him and a bunch of our friends in a few weeks. After she said lets not go and lets work on our relationship, she pops this up.... After talking and a lot of thinking, I said **** it. She can do whatever she wants in Vegas. Flirt, ****, anything. Doesn't matter anymore as long as she is happy and comes home to me. A happy wife, is a happy life. I keep telling myself that. I told her how it makes me feel and everything and she cried. But I have noticed, it doesn't matter how much we say we love each other; want to work on us, or how she will never do it again, once his name is mentioned, everything about us flies out the window and he is put first. I understand what I did was probably very wrong and the route I have been going just provoked disaster. But the choices I made were from the heart in hopes to have her be happy and realize that her actions affect us all. It just doesn't seem like that is enough. The last 2 days she has been texting him like crazy, more than we do and we talk a lot throughout the day. She tries to hide it like I don't know but I know everything she does. Not in a creepy manner, but I can tell when she lies or covers things up. I'm extremely observant. But this last day of her talking to him just set me off. We agree'd again that it was just to be only Vegas and yet she does this. I hate making her feel bad because we have always loved each other and done everything to make each other happy. I hate seeing her cry or feel bad, especially when I did it. I think talking is pointless at this point. I put her in a position that I can't get her out of and I'm the only one suffering because of it. My question is, should I just leave? Should I try to talk about it? Work things out? Take the kids and run? Wait until that weekend and say I have to work the first day and I will meet her later that weekend? Say I'm sick when it comes up and see if she still goes because you can't cancel the reservations? I play out a lot of scenarios in my head. I always pick the one that is best for all parties in hopes everything turns out right. Things usually do. But this is ridiculous. She is beautiful but that doesn't mean I will blindly follow her while she treats me anyway she likes. She knows this and is very cautious of my randomness. However, this situation doesn't seem to one that worries her.
karnak Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Either you're a Troll or this post is another proof that real (loving, affectionate) relationships and 3somes, swinging, etc... don't mix. 1
Balzac Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 married for 2 years We just had our second baby She was feeling down about how she looked that she wasn't what she used to be prior and was hating herself. These 3 statements are cause for concern. The rest of the drama is sordid but amusing.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Wow, this is quite the tangled web. Yes, the situation was created by you-you had good intentions-but don't assume you're the only one suffering for it. Your wife is as well. She's enjoying the butterflies and the new-ness this guy is bringing to the table, but she is no doubt going through some very conflicting emotions on the matter. You said yourself that when you talk to her about everything, you both cry. I really suggest talking to her about this, again. You may have created the situation (I assume it should have been a one-time only thing), and you need to put an end to it. You're trying to rationalize that if she's happy, you'll be happy. Well, you clearly are not happy. This isn't fixing your marriage; sadly, your good intentions backfired. Now, you need to put an end to her and this colleague knocking boots, still. She's received a boost to her self-esteem, and while that's a good thing, it seems she is abusing that power, now. Put it to her this way; it's either the marriage, or the booty calls she has with this guy; not both.
Cali408 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 She wanted to be with a woman and you brought her your guy friend? What's the matter with you? Go find a woman now. 1
wanting more Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Is this really real????? She wanted a woman, you wanted a man. You got your co-worker/friend (obviously very good friend who had done a 3some before, where do you work????) and you sat and watched AND recorded it AND NOW you don't like it because she enjoyed it????
Artie Lang Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 this is what happens sometimes when you bring a 3rd person into a relationship. listen, i'm not into the 3some and swinging lifestyle, but some people make it work somehow. to each their own. what i'm saying is, if it's not working for you and making you uncomfortable, you need to end this immediately. 3
BetrayedH Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Stop the passive-aggressive games like walking out of the room, pretending you're sick or any other such nonsense. Be an adult and deal with your problems like an adult. This experiment has been what the kids these days would call, an epic fail. Tell her you tried to not be jealous and had the best of intentions but it didn't work. Your happy marriage is crumbling because of it. At this point, she needs to go "no contact" with your friend or you're divorcing. The fact is that you're not the kind of man that can share your wife. It's now exclusive or nothing. 3
Cali408 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Stop the passive-aggressive games like walking out of the room, pretending you're sick or any other such nonsense. Be an adult and deal with your problems like an adult. This experiment has been what the kids these days would call, an epic fail. Tell her you tried to not be jealous and had the best of intentions but it didn't work. Your happy marriage is crumbling because of it. At this point, she needs to go "no contact" with your friend or you're divorcing. The fact is that you're not the kind of man that can share your wife. It's now exclusive or nothing. This is excellent advice. You do have leverage here and can do anything you want. You can A. Continue as is and be cuckolded, B. Trade this for that. Get something you want out of it. Or Solution C. You've had you're fun now we're shutting off the tap.
Richard Friedman Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Very interesting. This cuckolding fetish is like an evolutionary self destruct button. Just curious, was the other guy bigger/better in bed?
Feelin Frisky Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 If you're not a troll just toying with us, you may need signs on the wall that say "do not smash head here". Most people don't need such signs and don't have to stick their hands in fire to know it will hurt like hell. Turning your wife of two years out to sexually frolic is like sticking your hand in that fire. Yes, you wanted her to be happy--take her and the kids to Disneyland. Fill her gut a Red Lobster. Unless of course her being happy falling in love with someone else while you have two daughters in diapers to rear is fine with you.
Author MangyCat Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Wow, this is quite the tangled web. Yes, the situation was created by you-you had good intentions-but don't assume you're the only one suffering for it. Your wife is as well. She's enjoying the butterflies and the new-ness this guy is bringing to the table, but she is no doubt going through some very conflicting emotions on the matter. You said yourself that when you talk to her about everything, you both cry. I really suggest talking to her about this, again. You may have created the situation (I assume it should have been a one-time only thing), and you need to put an end to it. You're trying to rationalize that if she's happy, you'll be happy. Well, you clearly are not happy. This isn't fixing your marriage; sadly, your good intentions backfired. Now, you need to put an end to her and this colleague knocking boots, still. She's received a boost to her self-esteem, and while that's a good thing, it seems she is abusing that power, now. Put it to her this way; it's either the marriage, or the booty calls she has with this guy; not both. I took your advice and did end up talking to her again. This time being straight forward. She cried a lot and said that she had fallen for him. I expressed everything until I couldn't get anything else out. I still don't trust her but I am giving the benefit of the doubt in hopes things get better. Is this really real????? She wanted a woman, you wanted a man. You got your co-worker/friend (obviously very good friend who had done a 3some before, where do you work????) and you sat and watched AND recorded it AND NOW you don't like it because she enjoyed it???? I'm a Marine actually. Its not that I don't like it because she enjoyed it. I actually loved that she did. But its going after him and seeking enjoyment outside of sex for relationship purposes I have a problem with. This was originally just to play out some of our fantasies. Not to have them interfere with our personal lives. Stop the passive-aggressive games like walking out of the room, pretending you're sick or any other such nonsense. Be an adult and deal with your problems like an adult. This experiment has been what the kids these days would call, an epic fail. Tell her you tried to not be jealous and had the best of intentions but it didn't work. Your happy marriage is crumbling because of it. At this point, she needs to go "no contact" with your friend or you're divorcing. The fact is that you're not the kind of man that can share your wife. It's now exclusive or nothing. Jealousy has nothing to do with this. I don't get jealous. Have never gotten jealous. Envious maybe, but jealousy is something I really don't see the point of. Her giving attention to him and me hating it isn't jealousy by any means. She isn't supposed to do that. I gave her that ultimatum. She stopped. At least I'm hoping. The problem with technology these days is you can cover your tracks pretty well. So I have to take her word for it. As for sharing my wife? Sex yes, relationships no. Very interesting. This cuckolding fetish is like an evolutionary self destruct button. Just curious, was the other guy bigger/better in bed? He was a bit bigger than me. Novice IMO when it came to sex. He is younger by 10 years and is more toned than me. Cuckolding was something I actually thought about and tried making this a thing when she said she loved the flirting. I didn't mind because the fetish actually seemed interesting to me. I'm a freak when it comes to sex and this was something new to experience. If you're not a troll just toying with us, you may need signs on the wall that say "do not smash head here". Most people don't need such signs and don't have to stick their hands in fire to know it will hurt like hell. Turning your wife of two years out to sexually frolic is like sticking your hand in that fire. Yes, you wanted her to be happy--take her and the kids to Disneyland. Fill her gut a Red Lobster. Unless of course her being happy falling in love with someone else while you have two daughters in diapers to rear is fine with you. I'm not sure why people constantly think everyone is a troll if its too hard to believe. Every situation is different. Similar yes but different. Its pretty childish to constantly claim everyone that comes up is a troll, especially if they have a life outside of forums. Seeing how as this(my life) is hurting, its not the first place I tend to remember any time I go on the internet to respond fast enough for other people. I do appreciate the advice/opinions though. 1
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