kittenly Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I met this guy in a language class after work and I kinda like him s lot from the start. It took me a few months to finally ask him for his number. Since then we have been going out a few times and we did have fun when we went out. However it was always me who do the asking and there were very few times where he would initiate conversation and not ask me out. So after a few times we went out, one night I went to his place and we slept together for the first time. The next time we met he asked me to go back to his place, and I thought he was only looking for a fwb thing so I brushed him off and tell him this is not what I want. He said it's ok if I don't want sex and we can still hangout as friends because he enjoyed that too. The words hanging out as friends kinda sting as I thought he would know that I was asking him out for dates and not just some hangout. After that we still met a few times, but never slept together again. I have begun to start giving up on this guy and see him as only a friend gradually. But, one night when I thought it was just another movie night at his place, he suddenly confessed his feelings and all the sudden, it went to another level of relationship. I'm kinda confused now what to do as he has feelings towards me but I have already developed less feelings towards him. In fact, I'm sort of resentful of the fact that I asked him on dates so many times, he took them as just hangouts, then now all the sudden he just want a relationship like that? It's like, the timing is kinda off. Should I just tell him off for giving me the perception that he only wants to be friends, and I have given up, and now he suddenly wants more instead?
Lansing Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 It is easy for people to jump to a conclusion that a guy wants sex and all answers are connected with the guy wanting sex.... But, there are some guys (myself included) that just aren't super experienced with relationships (went to an all boy's school, had bad acne even in university, etc,etc) that may just be slow to develop. If this guy seems like a "player" to you then yeah, move on. But, maybe he is/was having trouble expressing himself and now made it clear to you. I had a female friend I was hanging out with for a while, I was interested in her at the start but I could tell she wasn't ready for a relationship (she just came out of one) and she basically re-enforced that each time the subject of guys/dating came up. Well, turns out she had this huge crush on me and wanted to date me. By the time she expressed her interest in me I had seen enough of her personality to realize we wouldn't be a good match that way. But, that basically ended our friendship anyway so maybe I should have just seen where things went..
atlg8r Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 How old are you both? I am 34, and my thought is to just talk to him honestly and openly, but without anger. Just tell him it stung a little that you asked him out several times wanting more than to just be friends, and he didn't seem interested, even though he slept with you. Explain that you had adjusted to being a friend because he didn't seem to want anything more, and it's uncomfortable that he now wants more than that. Maybe just ask him to explain what happened. Then it's up to you to accept the explanation or not based on your best judgment. However, I would advise AGAINST sleeping with him for awhile even if you do get together.
Author kittenly Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 How old are you both? I am 34, and my thought is to just talk to him honestly and openly, but without anger. Just tell him it stung a little that you asked him out several times wanting more than to just be friends, and he didn't seem interested, even though he slept with you. Explain that you had adjusted to being a friend because he didn't seem to want anything more, and it's uncomfortable that he now wants more than that. Maybe just ask him to explain what happened. Then it's up to you to accept the explanation or not based on your best judgment. However, I would advise AGAINST sleeping with him for awhile even if you do get together. thanks for this idea. fyi, I'm 31 and he's 38. 1
atlg8r Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 thanks for this idea. fyi, I'm 31 and he's 38. Thanks. If you were younger (teens or early 20s) the open and honest approach doesn't work as well in my experience. Haha. He's old enough that he should be able to have an adult conversation! Hope it goes well.
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