Emma1234 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Hey, I have heard people say that it's a load of rubbish and just means that they want to sleep around and meet different people but what do you all think it meant when he broke up with me after 2.5 years to 'find himself'. We had been arguing mainly because we went to uni together and made the mistake of living in the same halls which meant we practically lived with one another, plus I know how stressed he was with his work when he ended things (6 weeks ago, no contact for 3.5 weeks). He told me he wanted me for the future and who knew what would happen in a few months or years but for now he just needed time to himself, he has loved the independence he found at uni so I sort of understand. He told me he wasn't interested in one night stands or finding anyone else. He also got funny when we first met up for coffee before no contact when I said I was meeting a friend afterwards (a girl) but he questioned me as to whether it was a guy or girl. Plus he told me he still had strong feelings for me which was what made it so difficult because he just wants to miss me as a friend but can't. Last thing, he mentioned his brother who broke up with his gf a few months back and then desperately wanted her back but she said no, he then said that he is just telling himself 'it was the right thing to do at the time'. I'm just so hurt and lost and confused. I know we argued a little but it still seems so drastic. Please give me your opinions on what it truly means and if you think he'll want me back a few months down the line.
sprucegoose Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 It seems you are dwelling on the reason why he broke up with you and no amount of interpretations will ever give you the real answer of what "finding yourself" means. The only person who can answer that question is your ex. But please don't break contact just to ask him that. 2
Author Emma1234 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 It seems you are dwelling on the reason why he broke up with you and no amount of interpretations will ever give you the real answer of what "finding yourself" means. The only person who can answer that question is your ex. But please don't break contact just to ask him that. Yes I know that I am, some days I manage not to and focus on myself but then it hits me all over again. I'm trying not to focus on hope because I know there is only a small chance but sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me getting on with things.
Author Emma1234 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 It means something different to everyone and depends on the situation. Yes, sometimes it means wanting to sleep around while other times it means being free to discover who you are as an individual person outside of a relationship, especially via various experiences, not all of them sexual. It could be anything from travelling abroad to focusing more on your education or career, a few things some people find much more enjoyable or successful without the entanglements of a relationship. I doubt he'll want you back down the line and the last thing you want to do is be waiting around for that day which may never come. No one likes a doormat or a clinger. You need to take some time to 'find yourself' as well. I agree, I know I shouldn't cling onto this hope but, like everyone I'm sure, it's just so sad to lose what we had and what plans he made with me because of being in a relationship too young (19) and therefore needing the time to find ourselves.
sprucegoose Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I know how you feel. But try to focus on yourself more instead of hope. Focusing on yourself will help you heal and get over the relationship. Focusing on hope will only keep you stuck in limbo. It prevents you from moving forward with your life. 1
blotter Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 It almost always mean to "find himself" in someone else's vagina.
hoping2heal Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Based on everything you mentioned here, it sounds like he does have feelings for you but he's decided he really likes his freedom at Uni and wants to explore that freedom. He wants to feel he is free to explore anything or anyone of his choosing without restriction. He wants to be able to make any decision of his choosing without it weighing on you, without you needing to be consulted etc. He wants to be as committal or non-committal as he wants, when he wants and with whom he wants. He was at least decent enough to break up with you, than drag you through it with him. It may not seem like a kindness right now, but it was. If it hurts too much to remain friends right now, then don't. It would be understandable and you don't owe him anything. But don't hurt yourself further by fostering false hope where there is none right now.You're both going to grow now and go in different directions and maybe one day that direction will lead back to one another or maybe that direction will lead you both elsewhere. It's painful and it's not fun, I'm sorry you're going through it but many of us have been through this period and it's just what happens at times. 1
Mack05 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 It basically means "I see no future with you" but I don't want to come across as a ^%$^$^&*. I'd rather straight up honesty. Yes it would sting more but at least the dumpee knows exactly where thety stand. Emma the right guy for you will NEVER utter those words. He will realise what he has and fight tooth and nail to keep it. He is not the right guy. Try focusing on that instead of cryptic messages..
inaya42 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 hmmmm -- i am not sure that it means that he sees no future with you. he doesn't know right now if you will be in his future or not, but he is not too worried about it. right now he wants to do him -- whatever that means or entails. unfortunately, it is one of those things that people say during a breakup. i wouldn't worry too much about what he meant by it. go NC and become the one who got away -- both for him and yourself. 2
Author Emma1234 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 hmmmm -- i am not sure that it means that he sees no future with you. he doesn't know right now if you will be in his future or not, but he is not too worried about it. right now he wants to do him -- whatever that means or entails. unfortunately, it is one of those things that people say during a breakup. i wouldn't worry too much about what he meant by it. go NC and become the one who got away -- both for him and yourself. Thank you for this, I know that it is something people say when they break up but his whole entire decision was based around it and I sort of understand where he is coming from, especially as uni gives you a certain sense of freedom. I believe he just wants time to do his own this and focus on himself but sometimes I doubt that and start thinking the worse.
inaya42 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 people often say this when a breakup happens during a major transition: starting or finishing uni, travel abroad, new job, etc. it really just means that things are changing and they want to be free to grow and change with them. my college boyfriend broke up with me the year after he graduated -- he had asked my dad to marry me. i think that navigating the work world was both too exciting and too stressful for him to manage alongside our relationship. many (not all) people feel encumbered by a relationship when undergoing a major life change. 2
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