SpiralOut Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I've always been rather oblivious to men checking me out. I can't always tell if a guy is being friendly or flirting because he's interested. Or if I notice a guy checking me out, I DO notice that (sometimes) but I don't know what to do about it so I ignore it and nothing happens. I feel silly posting this. I'm told that I'm good looking and I get checked out a lot but I have no idea what to do about it. For example, I shopped for a bike last week and I was chatting with the sales guy. I took it for a test ride and we made some jokes. At the cash he asked me what I was up to that night, was I hanging around the area for the night? I told him no, I had to meet someone later (because I did). As I left the shop I wondered was he making friendly conversation, or was he flirting with me? Was he looking for an opening to hang out later and I missed it? I'm pretty sure that a coffee shop guy was flirting with me one time too but I was so taken aback by it that I ignored it. So if a guy I randomly meet is flirting with me, and I find him attractive, how do I encourage him to ask me out? How do I know if he's flirting or just being friendly? If I'm with a group of people out somewhere and someone chats me up, I feel comfortable doing this sort of thing, but when I'm randomly out buying groceries or something by myself I don't know what to do.
Leeway Harris Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I think all single people have this problem. I know when I'm attracted to a woman, I generally avoid all interaction with her, from eye contact, to friendly conversation, to even remaining in the room with her for too long... but I can see where that would be ambiguous as a "signal". I hate to say "Try being more obvious" because that's not easy at all. Because when you're sending a message like "Hey, I'm available and willing to know you better!" you're opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection. But unfortunately, that's what it takes. And even if you do overtly flirt with a guy, and he's interested, he may not take the opening. He might be super nervous about it and choke at the last second. I know I have the tendency to do that. And then he might come and start a thread on these forums "Should I have asked that girl out?" So it comes full-circle. 1
pcplod Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I would suggest that a useful starting point would be to try to believe that guys hitting on you, at what seems like random times and opportunities, is actually something that is allowed to happen to even little old you. That way you might begin a process of stopping looking like a rabbit caught in the glare of the headlights when it does happen. Why did you effectively blow off the guy in the bike shop? Most women, assuming that they were actually interested in the person who makes an invitation, as a way to make an approach, would have probably have said something like "I would really like to but I have other commitments tonight, however, how about x,y,z". Instead you signalled to him that you just weren't interested, period. If you weren't that's fine and dandy, but if it wasn't then I think you need to take lessons. But believing in the impossible would definitely be a useful start.
Author SpiralOut Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 I would suggest that a useful starting point would be to try to believe that guys hitting on you, at what seems like random times and opportunities, is actually something that is allowed to happen to even little old you. That way you might begin a process of stopping looking like a rabbit caught in the glare of the headlights when it does happen. Why did you effectively blow off the guy in the bike shop? Most women, assuming that they were actually interested in the person who makes an invitation, as a way to make an approach, would have probably have said something like "I would really like to but I have other commitments tonight, however, how about x,y,z". Instead you signalled to him that you just weren't interested, period. If you weren't that's fine and dandy, but if it wasn't then I think you need to take lessons. But believing in the impossible would definitely be a useful start. Yeah well I don't blame guys for being attracted to me physically. I don't normally meet guys randomly when I'm out on my own. It just feels weird to me. I blew him off because I worried that he thought I was some sort of loser just hanging out by myself on a Friday night with nothing better to do than go shopping alone. So that's why I said I had to go somewhere. And he sort of looked at me weird when I first started talking to him. I don't know.
MrTurk Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I blew him off because I worried that he thought I was some sort of loser just hanging out by myself on a Friday night with nothing better to do Things would work out better if you and many other women would just interact with guys in the situation that exists in reality........rather then making your decisions based on the reality that you create in your mind, triple guessing why something happens, why the guy said this or that, and why he is looking at you. Over analyzing to infinity is one of the biggest problems that women let control their decisions and thought process.
Author SpiralOut Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 Things would work out better if you and many other women would just interact with guys in the situation that exists in reality........rather then making your decisions based on the reality that you create in your mind, triple guessing why something happens, why the guy said this or that, and why he is looking at you. Over analyzing to infinity is one of the biggest problems that women let control their decisions and thought process. Lots of men do that too. 1
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