Zakov Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Not suffer to the point of depression or anything, and I'm probably just being very petty, but I just kinda want to hear that she's regretting leaving me for "other fish in the sea", and that a part of her wishes she would have stayed. It's not even that I want her back. I'm just childish and I want her to not be happy for a while. There's no way for me to know how she's doing. All I know is last time I checked (by accident, mind you), she seemed to be really happy about being "free" and had a crush on some guy. I don't know. I'm not depressed and I'm getting happier and better, but I don't want her to be happy right now. I'm still feeling like she made a stupid decision and that she's selfish, and I just want her to feel like that for...well until I'm over her. It sounds incredibly childish when I type it out like that, and it definitely is. But I think we all get a little childish after a breakup. 2
VictorPanteleev Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I don't know. I'm not depressed and I'm getting happier and better, but I don't want her to be happy right now. I'm still feeling like she made a stupid decision and that she's selfish, and I just want her to feel like that for...well until I'm over her. Just show her how happy are you. That always satisfied my desire for her to feel bad . It sounds incredibly childish when I type it out like that, and it definitely is. But I think we all get a little childish after a breakup. The bad (or maybe good in some cases) thing of a recent brake-up is that you have some feelings for your ex. Don't mind them, try not to think of her.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Not suffer to the point of depression or anything, and I'm probably just being very petty, but I just kinda want to hear that she's regretting leaving me for "other fish in the sea", and that a part of her wishes she would have stayed. It's not even that I want her back. I'm just childish and I want her to not be happy for a while. There's no way for me to know how she's doing. All I know is last time I checked (by accident, mind you), she seemed to be really happy about being "free" and had a crush on some guy. I don't know. I'm not depressed and I'm getting happier and better, but I don't want her to be happy right now. I'm still feeling like she made a stupid decision and that she's selfish, and I just want her to feel like that for...well until I'm over her. It sounds incredibly childish when I type it out like that, and it definitely is. But I think we all get a little childish after a breakup. While it is perfectly understandable for you to be hurting about her leaving you, you do realize she could have done far worse than that. Before you, how much dating experience did she have? How long were you together, and what was the relationship like? Mull that over; if she had limited relationship experience, can you really fault her for wanting to see what else was out there? How can she know she's with the right person? I'm sorry you've been hurt, but try to see it in a different light.
Author Zakov Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 (edited) While it is perfectly understandable for you to be hurting about her leaving you, you do realize she could have done far worse than that. Before you, how much dating experience did she have? How long were you together, and what was the relationship like? Mull that over; if she had limited relationship experience, can you really fault her for wanting to see what else was out there? How can she know she's with the right person? I'm sorry you've been hurt, but try to see it in a different light. I guess it doesn't matter to me how much worse she could have done. There are a lot of things I don't and will never understand about her leaving, and they bother me a lot. Sure I'd be more bothered if she cheated on me, but it doesn't change that I don't agree with what she chose to do. In the end, all I am is disappointed in her. It's ultimately her life and her happiness, and I can't change that. I just don't agree with the need to experiment or discover, or whatever. A lot of people have limited dating experience and they don't leave their partner to explore, just like a lot of people do leave. I understand why someone would feel trapped and not ready for commitment. I can't understand it from someone who enforced the idea of commitment and marriage in the first place, i.e. her. "Oh I wanna move in with you, I wanna marry you, you're "my one" ". I'm sorry if I wasn't expecting her to fly off in search of other fish. Edit: I wanna clarify I never wanted her to stay after she revealed that she wanted to see what was out there. I didn't want someone who was very likely to cheat on me. I'm disappointed in the outcome. I'm disappointed that she ended up becoming someone who doesn't want to commit, despite promising commitment and pushing it onto me. Edited June 26, 2013 by Zakov
Author Zakov Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 I know she wasn't right for me. After she did a 180 on me, she turned out to be someone I could've never lived with. It's the 180 that's bothering me. The idea that someone can turn around and be someone else entirely is a painful thing. I don't want to be melodramatic and say "I'll never trust people again", but it does hurt that the person I trusted unconditionally wasn't the person I thought they were, in the end. All this venting is mostly pining for the love I thought I had, and not the mess it ended up being. It doesn't matter who that love ends up being with.
aloneinaz Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Your feelings are normal. Everyone who gets rejected has fantasies of "revenge" or of their ex coming back and groveling for one more chance. Some folks have this satisfaction. Lots of guys/girls dump their boy/girlfriend and regret it days/weeks or months later. They then come back to try for a reconciliation. The best revenge is to FULLY disappear from their lives. Then heal and move on and find someone else who will appreciate you for you. Moping over someone who rejected you only inhibits your personal healing. 2
GilianaK Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 You have an absolute right to all of your feelings. It is important to acknowledge them regardless of what they are. If you try to supress your feelings they will persist. However, your thoughts affect how you feel. You have a choice to change your thoughts. 3
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I guess it doesn't matter to me how much worse she could have done. There are a lot of things I don't and will never understand about her leaving, and they bother me a lot. Sure I'd be more bothered if she cheated on me, but it doesn't change that I don't agree with what she chose to do. In the end, all I am is disappointed in her. It's ultimately her life and her happiness, and I can't change that. I just don't agree with the need to experiment or discover, or whatever. A lot of people have limited dating experience and they don't leave their partner to explore, just like a lot of people do leave. I understand why someone would feel trapped and not ready for commitment. I can't understand it from someone who enforced the idea of commitment and marriage in the first place, i.e. her. "Oh I wanna move in with you, I wanna marry you, you're "my one" ". I'm sorry if I wasn't expecting her to fly off in search of other fish. Edit: I wanna clarify I never wanted her to stay after she revealed that she wanted to see what was out there. I didn't want someone who was very likely to cheat on me. I'm disappointed in the outcome. I'm disappointed that she ended up becoming someone who doesn't want to commit, despite promising commitment and pushing it onto me. The fact that she pushed it before does put her in a bit of a harsher light, but to assume she's the type that "can't commit" seems a tad absurd. She couldn't commit to you. It may take her years to finally settle down with someone. It sounds like she either did a fair bit of lying when she pushed it on you, or maybe she felt you didn't reciprocate? After all, why would you feel she was "pushing" it on you, if you were fully into the idea of commitment, yourself. Also, I'd like to point out that just because she went in search of other fish, does not mean she would have otherwise cheated, if she felt obligated to stay. You may be disappointed, but it really was her choice to make. If you really stopped wanting her to stick around as soon as you knew she wanted to leave, than why does her happiness bother you so? Remember, she doesn't need your approval for the choice she made. Be glad she left, rather than stayed only to likely wind up resenting you. Disappointed in her choice...what exactly was she supposed to do, once she felt that way? Lie to you, and herself, and go through the motions?
Author Zakov Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 The fact that she pushed it before does put her in a bit of a harsher light, but to assume she's the type that "can't commit" seems a tad absurd. She couldn't commit to you. It may take her years to finally settle down with someone. It sounds like she either did a fair bit of lying when she pushed it on you, or maybe she felt you didn't reciprocate? After all, why would you feel she was "pushing" it on you, if you were fully into the idea of commitment, yourself. Also, I'd like to point out that just because she went in search of other fish, does not mean she would have otherwise cheated, if she felt obligated to stay. You may be disappointed, but it really was her choice to make. If you really stopped wanting her to stick around as soon as you knew she wanted to leave, than why does her happiness bother you so? Remember, she doesn't need your approval for the choice she made. Be glad she left, rather than stayed only to likely wind up resenting you. Disappointed in her choice...what exactly was she supposed to do, once she felt that way? Lie to you, and herself, and go through the motions? Near the beginning of the relationship, I wasn't ready for any kind of commitment at all. But then she filled my head with dreams of marriage, moving in together, a family, etc. and I liked it. I didn't want any of it with anyone, but she made me want it, and I still want that with someone. I'm just saying that she was very set on it way before I ever was. This whole thing makes me feel like "well what was so wrong with me, then, that she couldn't commit?" It's not about her staying. It's not about wanting her. The disappointment is hardly even about her. It's about the way things just played out. Disappointment in what, I don't know. I say her because it's the only physical thing I can relate the disappointment to. Disappointed in the universe, destiny? I don't know the word for it. It upsets me that someone I had a really great connection with ended up not being the person I'm "meant to be with". Really just using a lot of cliches here to explain myself. Mainly, I don't understand any of it, and I especially don't understand how love is supposed to work anymore.
forgetmenot75 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Hey Zakov, I'm feeling your pain. I want him to regret every minute of not having me. Truth is that's not going to happen. and you know why? Because they don't care. Awful truth. We are alone with our feelings, alone with our desperation. Not worth your time to think about her. just forget about it. 3
HopelessRomantick Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Me too Zakov. I want her to regret and feel hopeless and helpless just like I do. A big part of being the dumpee is that we are powerless and we struggle with that to the highest degree. The dumper holds all the power. But I'm really tryin' to take the high road.
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Near the beginning of the relationship, I wasn't ready for any kind of commitment at all. But then she filled my head with dreams of marriage, moving in together, a family, etc. and I liked it. I didn't want any of it with anyone, but she made me want it, and I still want that with someone. I'm just saying that she was very set on it way before I ever was. From that perspective, I can well understand why it bothers you, now. You began to envision it...and then, the vision went black; as though someone turned off a t.v. set. You can still sort of see it, but there are a lot of spots and lines, and the image fades with each passing second. Sorry if I've come off somewhat harsh, before. This whole thing makes me feel like "well what was so wrong with me, then, that she couldn't commit?" A common way to feel after a break-up, I know. But, I guarantee it wasn't something you've done wrong. Maybe you just weren't compatible in the way she craves right now. Maybe you never will be, or if you are, you will have moved on by then. You will find someone, one way or another, who wants what you want. It's not about her staying. It's not about wanting her. The disappointment is hardly even about her. It's about the way things just played out. Disappointment in what, I don't know. Maybe in what you previously stated; that it couldn't have worked out for you. Sometimes, our feelings don't seem to make a lot of sense...but, it doesn't stop them from being what they are. Even if you logically accept that you're not disappointed about her leaving, it doesn't negate disappointment that things couldn't have been different. I say her because it's the only physical thing I can relate the disappointment to. Disappointed in the universe, destiny? I don't know the word for it. It upsets me that someone I had a really great connection with ended up not being the person I'm "meant to be with". Really just using a lot of cliches here to explain myself. Sometimes clichés are the only way we know how to express it; they still tend to fall short of the enormity of how we feel, but at least others can somewhat perceive and relate to it, that way. And in that case, I do understand why it bothers you. I would be really hurt too, in that case. Mainly, I don't understand any of it, and I especially don't understand how love is supposed to work anymore. In all honesty? I don't think anyone really does. Oh sure, many pretend they do, or even believe they do-but it's a complex feeling, that has so many different forms, and so many layers to each form... Don't feel bad or inadequate for feeling like you don't fully get it; in time, you will find someone that it works out with, and in that, you will find your own definition of love, and how it works.
Inviv_girl Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 While it is perfectly understandable for you to be hurting about her leaving you, you do realize she could have done far worse than that. Before you, how much dating experience did she have? How long were you together, and what was the relationship like? Mull that over; if she had limited relationship experience, can you really fault her for wanting to see what else was out there? How can she know she's with the right person? I'm sorry you've been hurt, but try to see it in a different light. In my opinion the bold letter is really stupid comment, if we have limited relationship experience doesn't mean that we have to jump on and taste one person to another. For a girl that is a very slutty way! No one knows if we are with the "right" person, surely we will find out later in time if she/he was the right person or not.
Dundas Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I know it sounds petty, but we all have these feelings. I was completely in love with my ex-girlfriend for 2.5 years and we seemed like a pretty happy couple, well maybe things slowed down after high school and it wasn't all fireworks anymore but I was still completely in love and trusted her completely... until she dumped me 3 months ago for a guy who's like 3 years younger than her. Part of me wishes her the best and wants her to be happy with him... then again, she dumped me for another guy who called me "his friend". She seems much happier with him, and yes it kills me. I can't stand how happy she is with her choice and part of me wants their relationship to crash and burn. I want karma to set her straight so she goes through all the pain I went through. I hate how she treated me like I never even mattered. Unfortunately they seem to be going strong, though. I want them to be happy... but I don't want the two cheaters to be happy TOGETHER! It's been 3 months so far and I definitely hope they don't reach it anywhere near our 2.5 year mark! In the mean time, I'm looking for better... but she's still all I can think about. 1
theonlyjuan Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 You have a right to feel like that. Deep down I don't want my ex to be miserable or whatever. I kind of do want her to feel what she put me through, although it wasn't really her fault. I want her to say she's made a huge mistake and she want's to get back together. Not so we can get back together because I have doubted our relationship a bit now. I would like it just so I feel better about myself. I wouldn't be searching for a reason as to why it didn't work out. This is mainly what I think about. I get sad now and then and miss the good times but I drive myself insane trying to understand why it didn't work. I should really just accept that things for whatever reason, do not work out sometimes. I'm just paranoid there's a fault within me that cause it Oh well
Author Zakov Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 (edited) Living well is the best revenge. (I'm being petty again), but she can't see me living well. She lives very far away, and doesn't know where to find me online (she probably doesn't even care about finding me), so no matter how well I live, I'll never really get to rub it in her face. Edited June 26, 2013 by Zakov
TaraMaiden Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 "The person who cares the least, controls the most." Cultivate benign indifference. 2
HopelessRomantick Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I know it sounds petty, but we all have these feelings. I was completely in love with my ex-girlfriend for 2.5 years and we seemed like a pretty happy couple, well maybe things slowed down after high school and it wasn't all fireworks anymore but I was still completely in love and trusted her completely... until she dumped me 3 months ago for a guy who's like 3 years younger than her. Part of me wishes her the best and wants her to be happy with him... then again, she dumped me for another guy who called me "his friend". She seems much happier with him, and yes it kills me. I can't stand how happy she is with her choice and part of me wants their relationship to crash and burn. I want karma to set her straight so she goes through all the pain I went through. I hate how she treated me like I never even mattered. Unfortunately they seem to be going strong, though. I want them to be happy... but I don't want the two cheaters to be happy TOGETHER! It's been 3 months so far and I definitely hope they don't reach it anywhere near our 2.5 year mark! In the mean time, I'm looking for better... but she's still all I can think about. ...crash and burn in a fiery ball of hell with a side order of guilt and regret. Yes, I will take one with a regular coke to go please. Oh & can I get extra ketchup? 1
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