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Vacation/Business Trip Interruptus

Star Gazer

By Star Gazer
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EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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Holiday season dating is the WORST for this reason. Ack!

 

I agree with your first paragraph - kinda. Typically in the past, I was the traveler, and the guy would just find easier options. (One guy actually told me he found someone who was "easier" to date because of this, while I was gone for 4 days!).

 

Now, the tables are turned and I'm not traveling nearly as much, but the guys are. I'm not looking for someone easier to date, at all. The guy I'm currently seeing, I'm really into. I want to see HIM but I worry about how the forced time apart will affect our connection... Even with the best connection, you have to keep it going - ya know? I worry about the fade away.

 

So far, so good, so maybe I'm worried for nothing. It's just a pain in the rump.

That's good, though, because you have some understanding of the position the guy is in. It's a pain, but it's not anything you can't work through or plan around.

 

Are you worried that you'll fade away? Because from the guy's perspective, he's off working and not meeting people (at least I never did!) so it's nice for him to have something to come home to (ie, you!).

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Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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Are you worried that you'll fade away? Because from the guy's perspective, he's off working and not meeting people (at least I never did!) so it's nice for him to have something to come home to (ie, you!).

 

I was thinking something along the same lines. As the person who travels, I'm looking to meet someone back home - not somewhere remote in the world. During travel, my feelings might "simmer down" over a guy, or, as has happened with one, it might actually make me like him more (we exchanged a few texts while I was gone which made me rethink my decision not to see him again).

 

I'd say that the person staying back home is the one more likely to meet someone else they'd be willing to take seriously than the person travelling.

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clia Established Member

clia

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I've had to deal with this a lot as well, since I've gone through some heavy periods of travel during my career.

 

It is possible to keep the momentum going if the connection is strong. My current boyfriend and I had a strange start. We met in person. The next day he was leaving for two weeks on business. When he returned, I was leaving within a couple of days for a two week vacation. He didn't contact me at all while he was gone, so I had kind of written him off, but then sure enough, he called the day he said he would be back and wanted to get together that weekend. I had so much going on that I wasn't able to see him before I left for vacation, but I sent him maybe 5-6 texts while I was away because I was really concerned about keeping the momentum going. So, we had our first date a month after we met due to travel. It worked out fine for us! :D

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dasein Established Member

dasein

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Didn't read whole thread, doesn't bother me until after several dates, maybe 7-10, when exclusivity is becoming an issue and she is bringing it up, it emerges that the travel is more discretionary than mandatory, and I am not invited. Gives the impression that there are other guys in the picture in other ports of call. Has only happened a couple of times over the years, and there were other guys each time while she was asking for exclusivity, so am warier now.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Are you worried that you'll fade away? Because from the guy's perspective, he's off working and not meeting people (at least I never did!) so it's nice for him to have something to come home to (ie, you!).

 

No, I'm worried that he will.

 

I tend to meet a lot of guys who operate on a "if it's not super easy with tons of together time right off the bat, it's too hard" kind of guys. Or guys that just lose interest for one reason or another.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I was thinking something along the same lines. As the person who travels, I'm looking to meet someone back home - not somewhere remote in the world. During travel, my feelings might "simmer down" over a guy, or, as has happened with one, it might actually make me like him more (we exchanged a few texts while I was gone which made me rethink my decision not to see him again).

 

I'd say that the person staying back home is the one more likely to meet someone else they'd be willing to take seriously than the person travelling.

 

That's my concern... The simmer down, on his end, not mine.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I genuinely think that if his interest level is high enough he won't forget you. Think about it: If you liked a guy and he went away for three weeks, would you forget him or miss him? I assume that some men are easil distracted too. So if he meets someone else, then it's likely he might move

on.

 

But I wouldn't want to be with someone who would lose interest just because he went away for a couple of weeks....that in my opinion says a bit about his character and the level of interest he has in me.

 

Yeah, I'm trying to have that attitude, but I'm not sure it says anything about his character, just his interest level in me.

 

Then again, I also struggle with finding the right balance of what interest level is really reasonable/appropriate/enough in the infancy stages of dating.

tbf Established Member

tbf

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If there's a strong attraction and continued contact during a short trip, travel won't matter. It's possible to maintain steamy momentum which can build anticipation.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Watch the movie Up In the Air.

 

Ohhhh trust me. I have.

 

From January through April, I felt like George Clooney.

 

But that's not the sort of interruption/travel I'm talking about.

 

I'm talking about the one random trip that interrupts the fledgling stage of dating.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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That's my concern... The simmer down, on his end, not mine.

 

If it happens it happens. The opposite might also happen.

 

Is it possible you're thinking about this because you miss him and identifying areas for concern is a way to keep thinking about him?

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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If it happens it happens. The opposite might also happen.

 

Is it possible you're thinking about this because you miss him and identifying areas for concern is a way to keep thinking about him?

 

I don't need a way to keep thinking about him... ;) I'm already doing that. :love:

 

If anything, it's my, "Well, it's gonna happen again!" slightly pessimistic, fearful attitude.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I don't need a way to keep thinking about him... ;) I'm already doing that. :love:

 

If anything, it's my, "Well, it's gonna happen again!" slightly pessimistic, fearful attitude.

 

Yeah - it's pretty normal after the mindfeck you went through last spring. But you handled that gracefully. So you can definitely deal with whatever happens here.

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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I think it depends how long the travel is. At the beginning the dates should be once or twice a week, so if you travel for one week is not such a big deal. It can built anticipation, especially if you keep in contact. If it's one month, might be too much, but it really depends on the people involved.

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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I don't need a way to keep thinking about him... ;) I'm already doing that. :love:

 

If anything, it's my, "Well, it's gonna happen again!" slightly pessimistic, fearful attitude.

 

How many dates did you guys have so far?

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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I tend to meet a lot of guys who operate on a "if it's not super easy with tons of together time right off the bat, it's too hard" kind of guys.

 

Now that you mention it, sometimes I'm guilty of that.

 

I've done both 'difficult' dating and 'easy' dating and sometimes I remember that the 'difficult' ones aren't worth the effort and to call it quits sooner than I would've done in the past... because experience taught me (rightly or wrongly) that those often don't work out, and also because when dating is easy it's a much nicer experience and one worth seeking out! But... sometimes I'm lazy and end up ruling out 'slightly difficult' when perhaps I should put in more effort.

 

Not sure if that made any sense.

EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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No, I'm worried that he will.

 

I tend to meet a lot of guys who operate on a "if it's not super easy with tons of together time right off the bat, it's too hard" kind of guys. Or guys that just lose interest for one reason or another.

Well, I would suggest that those are the kinds of guys you shouldn't get too invested in. The more a man likes you, the more effort he's willing to put into the relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Well, I would suggest that those are the kinds of guys you shouldn't get too invested in. The more a man likes you, the more effort he's willing to put into the relationship.

 

There are so many guys like that though. I hear guys say if a girl doesn't live within 25kms of him he won't bother. They consider 30 mins drive long distance :rolleyes:

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sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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There are so many guys like that though. I hear guys say if a girl doesn't live within 25kms of him he won't bother. They consider 30 mins drive long distance :rolleyes:

 

This one is gender neutral, but still annoying.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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This one is gender neutral, but still annoying.

 

Yes :(

 

I always valued connection over distance.

EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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There are so many guys like that though. I hear guys say if a girl doesn't live within 25kms of him he won't bother. They consider 30 mins drive long distance :rolleyes:
Oooop! I'm really bad about that myself. :o
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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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Do you think that if you're into each other "enough," the momentum won't be an issue?

 

Or do you think at the very beginning it should just be sooooo easy?

 

Yes, I think it should be sooooo easy. Just relax, date as you normally would, and imagine this as him getting the flu or something for a few days. Nothing to even think about, really.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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There are so many guys like that though. I hear guys say if a girl doesn't live within 25kms of him he won't bother. They consider 30 mins drive long distance :rolleyes:

 

This one is gender neutral, but still annoying.

I admit I used to feel this way myself but not anymore

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